Ch.. ch.. ch.. changes

My birthmom is moving away.

To Oregon.

She and my step-father have built a brand new home and will be moving in around June 19th.

I had no idea that this was going to happen so soon!

And let me tell you, I’m a little bit worried about having her so far away from me.

For the last twenty two years, she’s been no more than a 2 hour drive away from me.

Now she’ll be a 2 hour flight away from me.

I’m definitely having feelings about this but what they are, I haven’t a clue.

Sadness.

Anxiety.

How will I see her when she’s 600+ miles away?

Honestly, I never considered how it would feel to lose her.

I’ve been taking her presence for granted.

I haven’t seen her as much as I should have or visited as much as I wanted to.

And she’s always been there for me when I needed her.

Their new home is BEAUTIFUL and it’s selfish of me to want her to stay.

I know I’ll adjust.

I’m just saying, I’ve got FEELINGS about this and they’re not all roses and rainbows.

I feel like I’m being left behind.

And it doesn’t feel good.

One Lucky Baby

IT’S MY BIRTHDAY!

I was born first to Paul and Sherri, two teenagers living in Sonoma. They accidentally conceived me in a treehouse during their eighth grade year in school.

Sherri was sent to live with her aunt and uncle in San Jose to await my birth.

I was born on November 2nd. I was a forceps baby and I came out with a banged up, scratched up head (see pic below) but no worse for wear.

FullSizeRender FullSizeRender(1)Alice and “Mario”, my parents, got the word that I’d been born and I’d be joining my 5 month old sister Lisa. My dad got to the hospital and looked at his itty bitty newborn daughter and declared that I looked like a frog on account of my legs stuck out sideways.

Screen Shot 2015-10-26 at 4.19.46 PMI will forever be grateful to Sherri and Paul for putting me up for adoption. I was lucky enough to meet them when I was 22 and they have been a part of my life ever since.

IMG_7821Nothing pleases me more than explaining to people how lucky I am to have two sets of parents who love and adore me.

I am one lucky baby.

Happy Birthday to me!

Nothing but an exploding bag of gas to keep me aloft

balloonNow that I’ve officially booked my hot air balloon flight, reality is setting in.

Like HOW THE HELL am I going to get to Santa Rosa at 6 am on July 3rd?

Obviously I don’t want to wake up at 2:30 am, drive 2+ hours in order to take a hot air balloon flight.

So I did the only thing I could think of. . . I booked an AirBnB for the night in the same zip code as the takeoff location.

That’s right.

Not only am I FLYING into the heavens untethered with nothing but an exploding bag of gas to keep me aloft. I am also going to spend the night in a stranger’s house.

I feel slightly comforted by the fact that the owners have a German Shepherd dog.

Anyone with a GSD is good peeps.

Also, they have upwards of 150+ great reviews from guests. So there’s that.

I also arranged to have dinner with my birthmom and her family the night before so BONUS! I get to see everyone and share a meal with them.

I’m totally excited.

I don’t get to see my birthmom enough.

Yes, I’m still nervous.

Yes, I’m still wondering what I’ve gotten myself into.

But listening to my friend Barbara describe how she loved her hot air balloon ride with her ex-boyfriend and how she wanted to take a ride with her mother makes me all the more determined to face my fear, swallow a few Xanax, and get the damn thing over with.

And if I happen to enjoy myself in the process – so much the better.

michelle

Happy Mother’s Day!

familyFor me, Mother’s Day has always represented the importance of women in my life.

For 22 years of my life, I celebrated it with two women – my mom Alice and my grandma.

Then, when I was 22, I met my birthfamily and suddenly, I was celebrating Mother’s Day with my birthmother, Grammy (my great-grandmother), and my stepmom.

There were times when I also celebrated Mother’s Day with my Aunt Xondra and my sister Lisa.

And when my sons were born, suddenly there were Mother’s Day and GRANDMOTHER’S DAY cards and presents to buy.

I used to laugh at the checkout stand, holding a handful of Mother’s Day cards, wondering if the cashier thought I was nuts to be buying upwards of a dozen Mother’s Day cards.

Of course, Grammy has since passed away. And my 90 year old grandmother is now living in an assisted care home. I don’t see my birthmother as much as I should. And I probably take my own mother for granted most of the time.

The other day, my friend Barbara posted on Facebook how she got misty talking about Mother’s Day to the three year old she nannies.

You see Barbara’s own mother passed away a few years ago.

And then I realized HOW INCREDIBLE LUCKY I AM TO HAVE SO MANY WONDERFUL WOMEN FIGURES IN MY LIFE.

  • My mom
  • My grandma
  • My birthmom
  • My sister
  • Barbara
  • Michelle
  • My cousin
  • My aunt
  • My sister-in-law

I may have gone a little overboard buying flowers and gifts for people.

I bought the rights to the family photos I took 2 weeks ago with my boys so best of all, I have my own family photos to share.

There’s a word for what I am. . .

BLESSED!

Adopted

Here is my birthmom in a restaurant in Healdsberg, sharing some quiet conversation with me and my (now ex) boyfriend Jay.

sherriIsn’t she beautiful?

In case you don’t already know, I was adopted at birth.

My birthparents were very young – 14 and 15 when I was born. They got pregnant with me in 8th grade.

They were precocious little things and for that I am eternally grateful.

My whole life I wondered who I looked like. Who I took after.

Well, fast forward 22 years and I’ve got the phone number to my birthmom’s in-laws. I call them and ask for Sherri or Vince, my birthmom and stepfather.

They give me their phone number.

Just like that.

I used to call that number and ask for Elizabeth. I didn’t have the guts to tell the person on the other line who I was.

But then I called one time and SHE answered and she had the most beautiful voice I’d ever heard and it was that voice that made me take a chance and tell her who I was.

I think we spent the next 4 hours on the phone chatting and arranging to meet the VERY NEXT DAY.

So if you ask me who my heroes are, one of them is this woman who at a very young age was asked to do the impossible and managed to make the best of it for everyone.

Love.

Below:  Picture of Sherri at her 8th grade graduation, ~ 4 months pregnant with me.

sherri1Below:  Twenty two years later – reunion picture of me and my ex-husband with my brother, my birthmom, and my sister.

sherri2

By the way, here is my most favorite photo of Sherri.  Probably because at a glance, it looks like me…

sherri