Ariana Grande meets Tank Girl

I’m going to tell you an old story.

I went to the unSCruz festival in Santa Cruz in May of 2017.

I didn’t go alone.

I brought The Swede with me.

Because I had a guest with me, I went nuts planning my outfits, including all my nighttime attire.

I bought this black, strappy teddy to wear to sleep, similar to this:

You know, to TEMPT The Swede.

So there I am, at night, in a tent, a little bit tipsy, in the dark, trying to get into this strappy black teddy.

I could not for the life of me figure out how to put it on.

And The Swede was watching, which made me feel EXTRA awkward.

Also?

It was freezing cold, so it seemed like a poor idea to sleep in next to nothing.

In the end, I scrapped my black lingerie plans and put on all the warm clothes I had INCLUDING a full length faux fur jacket.

Yeah, it was THAT cold.

I’m telling all of you this because I actually CONSIDERED getting the rave star bikini top for my Ariana Grande meets Tank Girl costume despite the fact that it’s probably designed for a C-cup or smaller:

Then I remembered how bad I am at figuring out how to put on strappy lingerie.

So I’ve decided that I won’t be wearing a star bikini top to Burning Man.

I will HOWEVER buy one of these to wear over whatever top I decide on (most likely a black bikini halter top from my current collection of swim suits):

It goes nicely with my pseudo Tank Girl theme, don’t you think?