Superheroes and Supervillains

I’m working on a new costume.

This time, it’s for a Village meeting in July.

The party theme is Superheroes and Supervillains.

I first checked out SUPERVILLAIN costumes:

Like Emma Frost, who only resembles me in that she is blond with big boobs.

But crafting that costume seemed a little complicated

And honestly, I don’t have the balls to wear something that skimpy.

So I kept looking.

Personally, I love She-Ra, Princess of Power.

But since she is neither a Marvel or a DC comic book character, I scrapped my plans to do her.

Finally, I settled on a costume.

Natasha Romanoff, aka Black Widow.

There’s a few reasons why.

#1 – I bear a slight resemblance to Scarlett Johansson.

#2 – I’ve always wanted to be a redhead.

#3 – Black Widow KICKS ASS in Avengers!

Luckily, I found a company that makes cosplay costumes and they agreed to work on mine.

So come July, I’ll be slipping my body into a black bodysuit and transforming into Black Widow.

Riiiiiiight after I encase my body in full length head-to-toe SPANX.

Thank you very much!

Mom to the rescue

I am DEATHLY afraid of spiders.

It’s been this way all my life, ever since my dad INSISTED on catching the spiders in my bedroom in a plastic bag which he SHOOK IN FRONT OF MY FACE before depositing them “safely” outside.

You can imagine my youthful horror.

My mom, on the other hand, is DEATHLY afraid of snakes.

So is The Swede, for that matter.

And just like I’m sensitive to even LOOKING at a picture of a spider, they are sensitive to looking at a picture of a snake.

The other day I was with my mom and we were inspecting the backyard shed, looking for my camping equipment.

It drives me crazy that she RELOCATES all my gear all over the place, but since it’s free storage, there’s not much I can do about it.

So there I am, digging through conduit, pool covers, and tarps when I come across my tent.

Pete (as I like to call my tent) has seen better days.

He’s been to four burns, two unSCruzes, and countless other minor camping trips.

I fear this may be Pete’s last hurrah.

So I haul out Pete lickety split and that’s when I see it. . .

A snake?

A spider?

A mouse?

What was in the shed?

It was a spider.

A big, knobby black widow.

ON MY TENT BAG!

I immediately freaked out.

I told my mom to back out of the shed slowly and I followed her.

She, thinking it was a snake because who would freak out over a teeny tiny spider, backed out rather quickly and asked, “What is it?”

It’s a BLACK WIDOW! I practically screamed at her.

Oh, is that all?

She casually takes off her shoe, steps into the shed, and beats the black widow with her shoe.

There you go!

Just so you know, you can be 44 years old, have two kids of your own, a college degree, and be a relatively accomplished camper and yet MOM STILL HAS TO COME TO THE RESCUE.

Just sayin.