BOOBS!

michelleYes, this is a(nother) post about boobs.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that her nickname is “Boobs.”

Not surprisingly, she has a very impressive rack.

When I first met her, she was wearing a skull corset that set off her assets to PERFECT display.

And the other day at her birthday party, a friend took a group photo then made a point of zooming in on her cleavage and showing the rest of the group how LOVELY it was.

They ooohed and aaahed over it.

I felt sort of awkward, sitting at a table with modestly endowed women modestly dressed, being one of the few women there with impressive cleavage and rather immodestly putting them on display.

The woman sitting across from me told me she’d kill to have boobs like my friend and I.

I started to picture all the ways in which having big boobs is an asset:

  • Sneaking booze into concerts
  • Stuffing money/lipstick in your bra
  • Hiding sushi when you’ve taken too much at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar
  • Talking your way out of speeding tickets
  • Filling out a bikini
  • And so much more. . .

Sure, they often come with a bigger butt and thicker thighs but overall, I LOVE my boobs.

They’re one of the few things I actually LOVE about my body.

So score one for the well-endowed.

And cheers to “Boobs” for inspiring her friends’ admiration and awe!

Glorified Stickers

I just have to share.

Have you seen ads for “strapless bras” floating around Facebook and Instagram?

I sure have.

They have been LEAPING out at me.

As someone who likes to wear dresses with plunging necklines and dresses that are backless, I struggle with how to contain “the girls” properly.

Going braless is like setting 6-year old twins loose on a trampoline – they’re all over the place and someone eventually gets hurt.

Mind you, I’m dealing with a 38G bustline.

Which is NOTHING compared to my cousin, but that’s another blog post.

In any case, I’m always amused by these ads.

They typically include women with smallish busts, slapping on the self-adhesive bra, then pulling the laces between the “cups” together to create more cleavage.

I scoff.

But the other day, I saw a woman (I think she’s Ice-T’s wife Coco) with SIGNIFICANT CLEAVAGE advertising one of these bras and I had to watch.

Sure enough, she RAVED about the bra and how WONDERFUL it was at creating cleavage – but it was clear that she didn’t need any help with CLEAVAGE or LIFT as her breasts were LARGE and SYNTHETIC, not natural.

They sat up on her chest like perky little cupcakes.

That would NEVER work for me.

Because it’s not cleavage that I need, it’s LIFT.

Something more like this makes sense:

Needless to say, I didn’t buy one of those lace up bras.

I appreciate that they give a certain amount of coverage, but let’s face it – it’s nothing but a glorified sticker.

BOOBS!

michelleYes, this is a(nother) post about boobs.

The other day, a friend of mine told me that her nickname is “Boobs.”

Not surprisingly, she has a very impressive rack.

When I first met her, she was wearing a skull corset that set off her assets to PERFECT display.

And the other day at her birthday party, a friend took a group photo then made a point of zooming in on her cleavage and showing the rest of the group how LOVELY it was.

They ooohed and aaahed over it.

I felt sort of awkward, sitting at a table with modestly endowed women modestly dressed, being one of the few women there with impressive cleavage and rather immodestly putting them on display.

The woman sitting across from me told me she’d kill to have boobs like my friend and I.

I started to picture all the ways in which having big boobs is an asset:

  • Sneaking booze into concerts
  • Stuffing money/lipstick in your bra
  • Hiding sushi when you’ve taken too much at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar
  • Talking your way out of speeding tickets
  • Filling out a bikini
  • And so much more. . .

Sure, they often come with a bigger butt and thicker thighs but overall, I LOVE my boobs.

They’re one of the few things I actually LOVE about my body.

So score one for the well-endowed.

And cheers to “Boobs” for inspiring her friends’ admiration and awe!

Big Jugs

Every since my bra fitting where I got diagnosed as stuffing 38G jugs into 38DD bras, I’ve been thinking about boobs.

I had a friend who wore a 36M bra.

The thing about it was that since she always wore loose fitting tops, it wasn’t that easy to figure out that she was massive in the mammary department.

I remember the first time I saw them.

She was at a friend’s house and needed to borrow a bathing suit to go in the hot tub with the rest of us.

While wearing the ill-fitting borrowed suit, she turned sideways and I got a whole eyeful of side boob.

And BOY WAS THERE SOME SIDEBOOB!

Sideboob for miles and miles.

36Ms really are something to behold.

The thing is, she wound up having reduction surgery.

And in order for your insurance to pay for it, you need to have a certain amount removed from each breast.

Something like 400g or so.

I can recall the first time I saw her with her 36B boobs.

It was the first time I’d ever seen her in a tank top.

She was happy, but I was a little forlorn.

I missed her Ms.

There is a happy ending to this story though. . .

Fast forward a few years and we run into each other accidentally in a winery.

And lo and behold, THEY GREW BACK!

Yes indeed.

I think this happens quite frequently with breast reduction surgery because I have a couple of friends who have had the procedure done and they all seem to still have VERY LARGE BREASTS.

Which makes me very skeptical of the efficacy of the surgery.

It just goes to show, you can try to reign them in, but in the end, boobs have a mind of their own.

Shopping for pasties

The first thing you need to know about shopping for pasties is that you’re going to see a lot of breasts.

And those google searches are not necessarily safe for work.

The second thing you need to know about shopping for pasties is that most of the breasts you see are fake.

pasties2I suppose if you’re going to put them on display, you’re probably going to have a nice pair.

So I started shopping for pasties thinking I might wear a pair or two at Burning Man.

You know… just in case I decided to show them off a little.

pasties3The next thing I learned is that there are EXPENSIVE pasties out there, like this $180 pair I fond on etsy.

pasties1There are also AWESOME Burning Man pasties, like these:

pasties4Although I have to wonder whether crystals are playa safe or potential MOOP in Black Rock City.

Regardless, looks like I’ll be picking out a few. Just for some fun, you know.

Here are some of the pasties I think would be fun on the playa:

pasties5 pasties6
pasties7 pasties8

 

 

Why I love (my) boobs (and it’s not what you think)

MichelleWhen Douglas died, the doctors told me that my milk wouldn’t come in because he was born too premature.

But of course they were wrong.

My ex husband and I were taking a trip to Yosemite to cope with our loss in the great outdoors when I made him stop at a store so I could buy a pump and relieve the pressure in my breasts.

My breasts felt like they were going to explode. You can’t imagine how good it felt to pump that milk out. They went back to feeling like normal breasts again.

But this started a cycle of milk production and all I could do was call up my local Mother’s Milk Bank and offer to donate my milk to their premature babies and children with short bowel syndrome.

Every week I delivered to them an entire case of bottles filled with milk.

Having lost my baby, all I could do was pump for these other unknown babies who needed it.

I stopped two months in because I found out I was pregnant again.

But at Christmas time, I got a card forwarded to me from one of the mothers whose child received my milk.

She thanked me for my valuable donation and generosity and said it made all the difference in her child’s medical care.

It was sweet.

To this day, I’m amazed that I did what I did. But I’m so proud that I did it.

I could write a post about breasts (and probably will) praising their shape and sexiness but in the end, what I admire most about my breasts is that I was able to donate and help out others.

Pretty amazing, if you ask me.