Burning Man Essentials: Hygiene

 

Chapstick with SPF – to protect your lips.

 

Baby wipes, a must have. Coconut oil for everything.
Sunblock or die! First aid kit. Just in case.

 

Pee standing up in the nasty portos.
Only 1-ply TP in the portos. Vinegar to counteract the alkalinity of the playa.

 

In case you get burned. . .
Hand sanitizer when washing is a challenge. Blackout mask. Ahh, blessed sleep! Earplugs. A must, especially near sound camps.

 

Hangover Guardian, just in case.

 

To relive dry eyes. To get out playa boogers. Gross but true.
You’re gonna want a shower or two.

 

Tissues for playa nose. Condoms for play.
Lube. Also for play. Antiperspirant. No one likes a stinker.

 

Also for hangovers. Just in case.
Massage oil, if you get lucky!

 

Spray bottles, for vinegar, water, etc. Essential oils for well being.
Microfiber towel. Atomizers for essential oils + vodka. Body lotion to treat dry skin.

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Burning Man Essentials: Accessories

 

LED hair accessories.  Fun and functional. Glow in the dark skeleton hands – fun and creepy!
Lightweight backpack for gear/water on the playa. Less lightweight but more stylish backpack if you’re inclined to go that way.
FAUX FUR fox tail.  Cheeky! Lightweight parasol.  To protect you from the blazing hot sun.
Tribal necklace.  Instant outfit. Furry leg warmers.  Very cute for playa bunnies.
Furry RAINBOW leg warmers.  Hardcore! Fishnet gloves.  Easy accessory.
Long fishnet gloves.  Perfect with almost anything. Shoulder holster.  Looks great on men and women.
Leather utility belt.  You need space to stash your stuff. Holographic/iridescent fanny pack.  For the ladies.
Men’s tactical fanny pack. Pasties.  Enough said.
Festival hat (this one is mine). Burning Man hat.  Can’t believe you can buy this on Amazon!
Steampunk hat.  Stylish on men and women! Cyber locks.  For when you’re having a bad hair day.
Dread falls.  Like cyber locks but with yarn. Keychain/pendant.  Can’t believe you can buy this on etsy!
Men’s harness. Edgy! Women’s harness.  Perfect peeking out under a tank top or over a bikini.
White wige – to save you from a bad hair day. Ombre wig.  Complete your outfit with a colorful wig!
Antlers.  Doh! Iconic Burning Man look on Pinterest.  Buy the top on etsy here.
See iconic Burning Man look., above  Get tribal necklace. Pixel boa.  Because sometimes a light up jacket is just too hot!

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Burning Man Essentials: Miscellaney

 

Bungee cords.  For EVERYTHING! Binder clips come in handy.
Multi tool.  Can’t survive without one. Light.  For ambiance, natch!
Industrial power cords.  For those with power. Your own personal mug WITH a lid.
Handheld radio.  To listen to BMIR. Batteries, in all shapes and sizes.
Zip ties.  For everything.  Especially lights. Big ziploc bags.  To put your stuff in.
Bins.  For packing all your things.  Get clear. Handheld fan/mister.  For when it’s hot.
Two way radio.  For dust storm friend retrieval. Bike.  The wider the tires, the better.
Hamper used as garbage receptacle.  For  MOOP. Heavy duty garbage bags to line your garbage receptacle.
Duct tape.  For everything. Safety pins.  For costumes, etc.  Comes in handy.
Bike repair kit.  Definitely needed. Dry oil for your bike.  Don’t drip it on the playa!
Bike lock – to secure your bike. Carabiners.  For attaching things to you and your camp.
Work gloves.  Protect those hands! Headlamp.  For night time trips to the porto.
 Clippers.  For removing zip ties, etc.

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White Wednesday

I’m absolutely obsessed with mesh dresses, the kind you can see through.

Want to wear a bathing suit at Burning Man?

Don’t mind if I do, but I’ll dress it up with a see-through gown and steal the show.

You know I have a black high waisted bikini and a black fishnet dress.

Now I have a white high waisted bikini and a white knit dress.

Truthfully, the last thing I need is another white dress outfit.

I already have three

So it’s not like I need more white in my wardrobe for Burning Man.

I just happen to like it.

A lot.

Can’t wait to see what kind of tans lines this outfit produces!

Won’t you be my neighbor?

As it turns out, my camp will be placed on playa at 6:30 and E this year.

It’s the general area we get placed every year which means I’m familiar with navigating to 6:30.

I shouldn’t get lost with such a central suburban placement.

I’m totally excited about my neighbors, though.

First there’s Midnight Poutine which (you guessed it) serves Canadian poutine at midnight to the hungry masses.

I’ve never had midnight poutine on playa.

Then there’s Slushious – a camp that hosts boozy slushie parties on the playa which means I can totally get my drink on and enjoy a refreshing slushie AT THE SAME TIME!

Finally, there’s Barbie Death Camp which includes, among its various offerings, erotic massages.

I think those are DUO erotic massages (as in you bring your partner and get instructed on giving an erotic massage).

But I know they give regular massages too because I once had an awesome coconut oil massage from a burner who looked like Lori Petty (of Tank Girl fame).

This burn I’ll be able to knock down a few more camps off my “NEED TO VISIT” list.

Sadly, Slutgarden will not be anywhere near me so I might not get to see the Slut Olympics this year but we shall see.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

And so far the line up this year as far as neighborhood camps is looking PRETTY GOOD!

RVs and Burning Man and Corvettes, oh my!

The new guy has an interesting blend of talents.

To begin with, he possesses one of my FAVORITE skills – working on automobiles.

That’s right, the new guy is a wanna-be grease monkey who at one time considered opening up his own mechanic’s shop.

You know what that means?

He can tell me when my air pressure in my tires is low BEFORE I wear out my tires and have to buy new ones.

I’ve don’t that.

He can also suggest upgrades to my truck which will improve my driving experience.

Such as stereos that integrate with my iPhone.

He’s pretty tech savvy.

One of the COOLEST things about the new guy is that he has an RV.

Okay, it’s a 24-foot trailer that needs to be towed, but isn’t it cool that he has one?

What this really means is that the new guy enjoys the outdoors and camping and as you all know, I am a HUGE fan of getting out into the wilderness and bonding with nature.

And people.

Without connectivity you are forced to enjoy the company of the people you are with.

Conversation, laughter, and shenanigans ensue.

I love the idea of co-piloting his trailer for adventures into the wilderness.

Also?

The new guy collects cars.

He has six and is looking to buy a truck so that he can haul his trailer.

One of his cars is a pretty sweet looking silver Corvette, which is beautiful to look at and even nicer to ride in.

And he doesn’t drive like an ASSHOLE in it, which is key.

Because don’t we all love Corvette owners who drive like they own the frigging road?

I think not.

Only time will tell if this is a love match, but so far I’m definitely enamored with this new guy and hoping things work out.

Wouldn’t it be nice?

Curves on the playa

I MAYBE went on a little spending spree to get some outfits put together for Burning Man.

One thing I’ve noticed. . . my outfits are getting MUCH smaller.

Where I used to put together layers of clothing, I’ve now adopted a simpler methodology.

Short shorts and crop tops.

LOL

Seriously!

Bathing suits and micro skirts.

I have ONE long faux fur jacket I wear for warmth.

But otherwise, on the playa, I’ve got to stay cool and the best way to do that is to go naked. . .

Which I’m not going to do.

The second best way to accomplish that is to actually wear as little clothing as possible.

That I can handle.

Everyone will get to see my thick thighs and my bodacious boobs in these outfits.

Oh well.

It can trigger weird reactions in people.

Not everyone likes curvy women.

But some people do.

And I swear, if one person walks up to me to tell me how “BRAVE” I am to wear tiny outfits, I’m going to make them chew tinfoil while shaving their head with a cheese grater.

You see, it’s like this:

I see curvy women wearing minimal clothing ALL THE TIME and they look great, even with all those curves.

So I figure, the only thing stopping me from also looking great in tiny clothes is me.

I love my body.

It’s given birth three times.

I’ve nursed two babies and yet I still have great tits.

It’s survived 45 years of wear and tear.

It’s got plenty more mileage left to go.

So, without further adieu, here are the outfits for Burning Man 2019:  Metamorphoses:

Shrooms

Shrooms. Funghi.  Toadstools.

Lately, they’ve been on my brain.

Like how can I make a Burning Man outfit out of shrooms?

And no, I’m not creating an outfit because I do shrooms.

I have enough trouble navigating reality, I don’t need a little alteration to confuse me more.

I’m creating an outfit because I like mushrooms.

They’re cute, forest-dwelling, fairy-inspired, little vegetables which I like to eat in a risotto sprinkled with a little lemon zest.

I looked long and hard for mushroom graphic leggings and finally found two pairs I liked on Amazon and eBay.

I know I shouldn’t be feeding the monsters which are Amazon and eBay, but I really couldn’t find mushroom leggings I liked on any independent websites.

Then it was just a matter of accessorizing the outfit.

Mushroom earrings from Wish.

Mushroom necklace from etsy.

And voilá!

My mushroom ensemble for Burning Man:

Sleeping alone

My doctor stayed late working on Friday just so she could get the results from my biopsy and let me know via email that there were no pre-cancer cells present.

Let me say that again.

THERE WERE NO PRE-CANCER CELLS PRESENT!

You can’t IMAGINE how relieved I was.

Just in time for Mother’s Day, I get a clean bill of health.

It was exactly as I hoped and everything I wanted.

The best part of finding out your pussy isn’t broken is that you feel so ecstatic about it your flirt game goes up a notch.

I went to a Tacos and Tequila bar crawl and had THE BEST TIME.

I got my flirt on (as best I could when most of the men I ran into were coupled up or way too young for me) and managed to pass out my card to not one, but TWO men – both of whom were interested in finding out more about Burning Man.

There was one gentleman, an angry young man who raged about his mother leaving him in a crack house, who played a game of “Whose childhood was more fucked up” with my friend.

I steered VERY CLEAR of him.

By the end of the night, it was time for me to go to bed.

Yes, alone.

But at least we now know that won’t be for long.

P.S.  I ran into a HIGH SCHOOL FRIEND I hadn’t seen since HIGH SCHOOL while on the Tacos and Tequila pub crawl.  Shout out to Lynne!

Costume building

I’m looking for inspiration for my next set of Burning Man outfits.

Lately, I’ve been inspired by tie-dye, bright colors, butterflies, stars, pineapples, the color white and costumes.

We’ve established my peacock and butterfly outfits already:

Although, I am skeptical that I will wear the matching wigs on account of the playa being too dry and hot for me to actually get my hair up in a wig cap without dying of heatstroke first.

I also have a St. Pauli Girl costume which I will wear because my friend and I are hosting Oktoberfest at the No Drama Bar again this year.

Imagine ice cold brew on the playa. . .

Ah, so refreshing!

I’ve been looking at white simply because of “White Wednesdays” and also because there’s a “white” party on the playa that I’d like to attend.

My previous white dress has seen better days and needs replacing:

Although I can’t bear to get rid of it because that dress has been a good luck charm for me.

Wink, wink!

It’s so hot during the days at Burning Man that I’m really working on MINIMAL outfits to wear – short shorts, camis, sleeveless bodysuits, short cotton dresses and rompers.

Yes, I may ACTUALLY slip into a romper.

I also need to do something about a tutu.

Burning Man pretty much destroys everything you bring there and my tutus have seen better days.

So once again, I’m going into costume building mode where I look for inspiration online then build a costume around what inspires me.

Lucky me!