Roar

I’m working on a new Burning Man outfit, loosely inspired by THIS image:

I LOVE the large, colorful graphic sphinx swimsuit and literally SCOURED THE INTERNET looking for a similar lion swimsuit.

This was as close as I came, but sadly was years old and therefore sold out in all sizes.

I happened upon several swimsuits on Wish.com but we’ve already established how well Chinese clothes fit me (not at all).

So I was THRILLED when I finally stumbled across THIS lovely and colorful swimsuit on Poshmark in my size.

Throw on a pair of fishnet tights and my lovely black boots:

And you ALMOST have a completed look.

It needs something on top.

I’m thinking, given all the colors in the suit, that a flower crown will look nice and jungle appropriate out there on the playa:

And voilà!

One lion outfit done and ready to go to Burning Man.

P.S. Don’t forget, the WHOLE reason I am working with swimsuits is that I am trying to minimize my packing while maximizing clothing options.

If I can work up the courage to wear these outfits on the playa.

We shall see. . .

Fishnet dress

Tee hee hee.

I did something REALLY ridiculous.

I mean, not as ridiculous as wearing a snowsuit to a tanning salon, but something nevertheless quite silly.

I bought a fishnet dress.

WTF am I going to do with a FISHNET DRESS?!

Why WEAR IT AT BURNING MAN, of course!

I figure I’ll layer it over one of my black bathing suits and call it a day.

It’s stylish AND air-conditioned.

You know, the older I get, the less fucks I give about what other people think of my body.

It’s funny.

My whole life I tried to HIDE every dimple, flaw, and jiggle on my body.

It’s only now that I’m older that I realize that most people REALLY DON’T CARE.

To quote Dr. Seuss:

My personal theory about nudity, especially in the communities I circulate in, is that most people actually LIKE it.

We LIKE looking at naked and scantily clad bodies.

It’s fun to see all the body diversity that’s out there.

And I’ll tell you this – I’ve learned that EVERYONE (except for Elle Macpherson) has flaws and that flaws make us beautiful.

So yes, I will wear my fishnet dress with pride.

No, I will not be wearing it with a bikini bottom and rainbow pasties.

I’m bold.

But I’m not THAT bold.

Playa Boots: An Evolution

I have a THING for black shit kicker boots.

I’ll admit, it’s totally because of Burning Man.

I love the look of a pair of black platform boots coated in playa dust.

They’re impractical.

They keep you out of the dust, sure but they’re definitely not comfortable.

I have a collection of black shit kicker boots.

I loved my first pair of flatform boots but alas, I turned my ankles in them when I’ve been drinking so I had to find something more stable.

Yes, I once took a header at unSCruz, admid a cluster of people wearing these shoes. It was not a pretty sight.

Fortunately, I didn’t break an ankle.

My second pair of shoes was a pair of totally cool looking platform boots that tickled my fancy.

Unfortunately, they did not allow my curvy calves to fit in them and since I didn’t want to go around looking like a fool with half laced up boots, I retired them.

My third pair of shoes were really awesome, totally frivolous shoes which turned out to be way to painful to wear on a regular basis at Burning Man.

Oh, how my feet ached.

I finally had to switch to flip flops to soothe my aching feet.

I did ATTEMPT to buy something sensible, however I realized when they arrived in the mail that they were JUST TOO SENSIBLE FOR ME.

No oomph. No spark.

So I scrapped those shoes.

I have finally settled on what I think will be the perfect pair of shoes for the burn:

They’re platform boots, but the platform isn’t that high.

Yes, I won’t be 6’2” but that’s a compromise I can live with if I’m able to walk around the playa in comfort.

Once upon a time, I would never have even DREAMED of looking for sensible shoes to wear.

Sadly, as I get older, I appreciate comfort over style.

Or maybe I should say I appreciate mobility on the playa over style.

Either way, three years into going to Burning Man and I’m finally getting the hang of it.

At least the shoe part of it.

FYI, you wanna see my dream boots for Burning Man?

These are them:

Because nothing says frivolous and carefree as succinctly as a pair of rainbow colored stacked heel platform boots.

I heart!

Size Six

God!

You know how I LOVE lingerie?

AND Burning Man?

Well, I’m perpetually shopping for items I can bring to Burning Man, especially LINGERIE, since lingerie and bathing suits seems to be par for the course on the playa.

And fuck me for not having a size six body, it would be SO MUCH EASIER if I did.

Instead I have to get custom work and shop plus size rave clothing.

It’s not easy.

Especially since I stumbled across Bad Star Lingerie!

Well, fuck me with a knife and call me Stanley, I literally DROOLED ALL OVER MY COMPUTER SCREEN.

One of the looks I like is the bathing suit layered over a strappy harness.

It’s comfortable, lightweight, but edgy.

Something about it says “grab me by a strap and pull me to you.”

Bad Star Lingerie has THE MOST GORGEOUS PIECES YOU CAN IMAGINE.

So lovely.

So lovely in fact that I suspect I’d choose to wear them along with some pasties covering my nipples.

HOWEVER, that look probably works best on a size six frame.

So all you burner girls out there with tight size six bodies, here you go.

This one’s for you. . .

iRobot

The Burning Man 2018 theme came out and it’s iRobot!

How cool is that?!

I can practically imagine all the Robo Cops, Stormtroopers, and R2D2s on the playa.

I myself own a pair of R2D2/C3PO leggings, in spandex, which is my new favorite fabric.

I did however take to my favorite costume website (etsy) to find something more. . . well, ROBOTIC.

And I found this amazing silver and black jumpsuit, which I think will look FANTASTIC so long as I can squeeze into it.

And just to have a little fun with it (because I really don’t need to add more than my Burning Man black clod stomper boots), I bought a bright blue wig and futuristic wraparound sunglasses.

Perfection achieved!

iRobot, here I come!

Excess

I *may* have gone a bit overboard with my latest costume creation – the black burner bunny costume.

I bought SIX black bathing suits in order to find the one that will be JUST RIGHT for the outfit.

FYI, you can see more of the outfit and the inspiration for it HERE.

The thing is, I’m kinda particular about bathing suits.

Some look great, others not-so-great.

It takes a lot of trial and error to find the right one.

Here, I bought SIX bathing suits.

I bet you I’ll be lucky if I like myself in ONE of these suits.

This MAY seem crazy to you, but right now I have a lot of excess energy I’m trying to funnel in positive directions.

I’ll admit, I went a little overboard.

How many black, plunging neckline bathing suits does a woman need?

Well, the answer is SIX!

Save

Black Burner Bunny

I like the idea of wearing bathing suits, onesies, and jumpsuits at Burning Man.

Spandex packs down so compact!

I got inspired when I spotted THIS picture on Instagram:

Sort of a den of little black bunnies, only not EXACTLY playa ready.

Remove the OTK black boots, add some shit stompers covered in playa dust and a pair of black fishnet tights.

Ditch the pleather mini dresses and add one plunging black bathing suit and you’ve got something more like what I’d imagine a black bunny would look like on the playa.

Then I came across THIS photo and I thought, “YAS! This is exactly what I need to add to the outfit. My harness!”

I brought it with me to Burning Man last year but never wore it.

And maybe, just maybe, I will wear my freaky spiked black leather collar.

I love it but when I wear it I can’t hug people because it pokes them.

Sad face!

I heart SPANDEX!

I have a sophisticated and highly scientific approach to packing for Burning Man next year:

Bring as much spandex as possible.

Spandex, it turns out, takes up VERY LITTLE SPACE in your supplies and therefore is very compact.

It also helps that spandex fabric is used to make bodysuits, jumpsuits, and bathing suits.

Things that are PERFECT for Burning Man, in other words.

Now.

The thing about investing in a heavily spandexified wardrobe for Burning Man is that I will be FORCED to wear what I bring.

Which means people will see me running around in those bodysuits, jumpsuits and bathing suits.

But for a woman who at least CLAIMS to be comfortable with her body, this should be NO BIG BEAL.

Or is it?

Remember last year?

I got all excited about high waisted bikini bottoms?

I bought three pairs, invested in coordinating tops and accessories then DIDN’T WEAR THEM AT ALL?

Yeah, THAT!

And I can’t use the excuse that it was TOO DAMN HOT, because bikinis and tank tops are pretty much the accepted uniform for hot days on the playa.

So here are three new pieces I’m using to create my new COMPACT Burning Man wardrobe:

Can I tell you just how much I LOVE them?!

Lets hope I actually WEAR them!

Downsizing

I took three and a half bins of clothes to Burning Man.

I like to have a lot of options when it comes to my outfits.

On any given day there were AT LEAST two wardrobe changes.

Occasionally three.

I have decided that this is WAY TOO MANY CLOTHES to bring to the playa.

And so I’m downsizing to two bins.

My full-length green faux fur jacket and my black shit kicker boots together take up one bin and they are a MUST to bring to Burning Man.

That leaves me ONE BIN FOR OUTFITS.

Which means that my clothes need to be COMPACT!

Tutus, while lovely, take up A LOT of room.

So gone are the tutus, hair falls, and faux fur.

Bring on the bodysuits, bathing suits, and catsuits.

I’ve been eyeballing a few items on etsy, which I think will be PERFECT for Burning Man.

I also happen to have a LOVELY crocheted black monokini.

Plus red and purple teddies from Yandy which only need a pair of jeans shorts to complete the outfit.

Now.

This may all seem quite CRAZY to you, but take it from a consummate consumer, it’s actually quite a big move on my part and will certainly be a HUGE CHALLENGE for me.

But in keeping with the non-consumerism vibe of Burning Man, I think I need to do it.

I like the idea of wearing nothing but bodysuits, bathing suits, and teddies to Burning Man.

Nothing like showing off a little T&A, eh?

St. Pauli Girl

I have CLOSETS FULL of costumes.

Halloween happens to be my MOST FAVORITE HOLIDAY out of all the holidays.

My birthday is just two days later so I often had costume parties growing up.

One popular costume is my St. Pauli Girl costume.

Red skirt. Black corset. Blue apron. White blouse.

You get the picture.

I’ve gotten a lot of use out of the costume because I volunteer to pour beer for nonprofits.

I donate all my tips to the nonprofit.

It’s a good way to donate my time and a little bit of money to causes I support.

So imagine my elation to be invited to an “Octoburnfest” – a sort of burneresque birthday party for a friend.

A chance to wear my St. Pauli Girl costume.

Again.

Unfortunately, the costume has seen better days.

I think I may need to retire it after this party.

So I preemptively went and bought another beer wench costume.

I say beer wench because it’s brown and green, not blue and red like the real St. Pauli Girl.

I simply couldn’t find the St. Pauli Girl costume in my size.

Hopefully, the beer wench costume will still make me popular when pouring beer for charities.

RIP St. Pauli Girl costume.

You were loved!