The Toilet Dilemma

In my last camp at Burning Man, we had a dedicated porto potty for the camp to use.

This was INCREDIBLY convenient.

I loved not having to walk a few blocks to use the communal porto potties.

Those things get nasty SUPER FAST on the playa, while a private porto potty usually remains pretty clean and usable (i.e. women can sit on the seat without fear of contracting a deadly fecal disease).

So now I’m in a new camp and I’m researching porto potties to bring one into camp.

You may not know this – I didn’t – but you need one porto potty per day for every 30 people you have camping with you.

Exciting news, eh?

We have 40 people in our camp, so I’m guessing we can still get away with one porto potty so long as we get regular pump outs.

And by regular, I mean DAILY.

My dilemma is this: even if we do manage to get a porto potty in my new camp, I am wondering if I should still bring my little portable toilet:

It’s the size of a briefcase and fits nicely in my tent.

I simply HATE getting up in the middle of the night and braving the cold playa weather in my nightgown in order to use the loo.

I know, I know.

First world problems.

A porto potty AND a private toilet?

Aren’t I spoiled.

But on the playa, it’s the little luxuries that make the burn.

And a private toilet sure as hell beats even a CLEAN porto potty any day of the week.

Despite the fact that the toilet seals nicely so it can be carried to a porto potty and dumped, I’m worried about the smell.

No way I want my hot tent smelling of piss.

So perhaps I’ll bring the portable toilet, perhaps I won’t.

Maybe I’ll bring another tiny tent and it’ll be my changing room / bathroom.

Now, won’t that be elegant?

LOL

Woof!

I haven’t written about Tejas lately and that makes him sad, so this post is ALL ABOUT TEJAS.

In case you missed the memo, Tejas now has a GIRLFRIEND.

It’s been at least six months that they’ve been dating so all is well.

She’s good people in my book on account of she works with dogs and everyone who loves dogs I believe is a kindred spirit of mine.

Tejas just has his birthday and we celebrated with a nice dinner out on the town.

I gave him Cards Against Humanity as a birthday present because (OMG!) he didn’t have them yet.

I had to FIGHT my son for the box of cards because when he saw them in my room, he tried to abscond with them for his own evil purposes.

The BIG news however, is that I will not be camping with Tejas at the burn this year.

Nope.

I’m staying in a small tent (dusty) in another camp (also dusty) far away from Tejas.

On the one hand, I’m happy that another camp has agreed to take me into their camp.

On the other hand, the safety of the Motorbeast (Tejas’ RV) will no longer be there for me.

The temperatures on the playa can get BRUTAL – hot, hot, hot during the day and freezing cold at night.

Going to Burning Man and staying in a tent is nothing new to me.

I did it in 2015.

I think everyone should camp in a tent for at least one year at Burning Man.

Now I’m going to go for a second year in a tent.

No Tejas.

No Motorbeast.

Have no fear, though.

Tejas will be close enough that we can get together when we want.

This formally concludes your programming on Tejas.

Girlfriend.

Burning Man.

Motobeast.

Woof!

Live Boldly

I am notorious for having a messy room.

The kind where you can’t see the floor through all the clothing on it.

It’s partially because I have a small closet.

And also because I have a shit ton of clothes.

Not to mention costumes.

The other day, I cleaned up my room and when I did, I came across this:

Yes, it’s a fishnet maxi dress.

I didn’t even remember having it, let alone buying it.

But I like it a lot.

And I am SO HOPING that I’m bold enough to wear it at the burn because I just got this to go with it:

Because what do you wear under a sheer dress?

A high waisted black bikini.

If Ashley Graham can do it, so can I.

Now, I have bought high waisted bikinis many times to wear at the burn.

Don’t forget my triple-waste-of-time-and-money bikini bottoms:

I certainly haven’t quite mastered the art of living boldly.

But I’ve got all the accessories!

On playa face painting

As it turns out, face painting requires A LOT of accessories.

First of all, you need face paint.

I can’t help but hope that it’s all hypo-allergenic.

Then you need brushes to apply the face paint.

And, of course, disposable sponges to paint larger areas.

Q-tips and disposable eye shadow applicators to paint areas like lips.

Which brings me to the topic of this day’s post:  SANITATION.

If I’m on the playa painting faces, I need to follow safe face painting practices.

Hand sanitizer, between guests.

Brush cleaner.

Disposable makeup wipes.

And disposable headbands, so I’m not painting people’s hair:

You’d think all you need to paint faces is a brush and some face paint but I’m here to tell you no, there’s SO MUCH MORE THAT GOES INTO IT.

I’ve even bought a Face Painting book:

It should tell me step by step how to create specific looks.

I imagine I’m going to practice on Gavin at home to perfect my technique.

Poor kid!

Freeze Dried Meals

My first burn, when I was staying in a tent with a cooler and a small gas stove, I lived off of hardboiled eggs, pre-cooked bacon, and cheese quesadillas.

What I’m trying to say is that my food was pretty basic.

And repetitive.

The last three years I have been spoiled by staying in Tejas’ RV.

With a freezer AND fridge, I had everything I needed to keep food stored properly and really indulge in “fancy” meals.

Butter chicken and basmati rice.

Beef stew and garlic bread.

Thai chicken salad sandwiches.

Yum!

This year I’m going back to the basics and I’m trying to figure out what to bring to the burn as far as food goes.

This Mountain House 14-day emergency food kit looks AWFULLY good to me:

Granted, it’s all free-dried food, but it’s relatively inexpensive, easy to make, and easy to clean up after.

I’ve tried some of the food and it’s not all that bad.

Salty, but then again you need salt in the desert.

Have any of you used freeze dried meals at Burning Man?  What were your thoughts?  Likes?  Dislikes?

It would sure be convenient to just get a box (or a bucket) of meals and call it a day!

Shoes are everything

I didn’t know it at the time, but when I was prepping for my first Burning Man, I wasted a lot of time picking out shoes.

Of course I did.

Each outfit had to be coordinated to my shoes.

And of course, I loved THE WORST shoes for my feet:

Yes, I had to learn the hard way that as much as I like platform boots, they are HELL on your feet out on the playa.

There’s a lot of walking involved when you’re at Burning Man.

And that platform shoe soon feels like you’re wearing bricks on the end of your feet.

And just as an aside, those nice black boots turn grey-beige from all the playa dust.

Now that I’ve been to Burning Man a few times, I have learned the importance of wearing comfortable, supportive shoes that fit my feet well.

Here are a couple of duds:

This pair of white platform lace up boots.  Cool looking, eh?  But try wearing heels in the desert for hours on end and you will RIP THEM OFF YOUR FEET IN AGONY!

This pair of black platform boots.  Modest heel, you’d think it would be wearable.  But I’m here to tell you, no so! I’d rather shave my head with a cheese grater than wear these boots again.  ANYWHERE.  PAIN!

This pair of light up black flatform shoes.  So awesome, right?  I mean you have to light yourself up at night so why not light your shoes up?  This genius idea of mine didn’t take into account the WEIGHT of each shoe, especially with coils of lights around the heels.  Wearing these shoes was like walking around with cement blocks tied to my feet.  I ended up gifting them to a friend.

So now that I’m a bit more experienced, what kind of shoes would I wear to the burn?

For wandering around camp, I’d wear these flip flops:

Yes, they’re flip flops, but for wearing just around camp, they’re perfect.  They’re supportive and with proper foot care, you can avoid playa foot (indeed, I have a friend who wears flip flops nearly all the time and with just a little foot maintenance, she does just fine).

My other choice for wearing around camp are these slip-on walking shoes:

They’re easy to get on and off and are really comfortable, especially when you’re wandering around camp, visiting with friends.

This year, my go-to sneaker is this shoe, which has a moderate platform (yay) but is still lightweight and comfortable to wear:

And because I really do need a white shoe to go with my black shoe, I also have another shoe which fits my needs – comfortable, affordable, lightweight:

I still like the look of a little platform heel, but without all the extra added weight of a chunky heel.

Take it from someone who has made ALL THE MISTAKES, be vigilant about what shoes you bring to the burn.

I once brought a pair of high platform boots to unSCruz, and nothing else.  I discovered about an hour into the event that I would not be able to walk in them on the uneven grass surfaces, so I picked up a pair of extra large men’s slippers at the clothing exchange.  I proceeded to TRIP over exposed electrical cords because the shoes were too big for my feet and I did a FACE PLANT into my electrical totes and. . .

SHOES ARE EVERYTHING!

Shopping for the Burn

I’ve been on etsy.

Scoping out the site for some awesome new threads to wear at Burning Man.

And etsy never disappoints.

There’s always something there to tantalize me.

I bought a GORGEOUS peacock kimono:

It made me think of a dear friend whose favorite color is peacock blue so I’m going to build a whole outfit around this peacock kimono and wear it in her honor.

Then I bought these cool, cut-out booty shorts.

I got them because they’re versatile, breezy, and I’ve already got the nude thongs to wear with them.

LOL

My final purchase was a pair of stained-glass skull leggings.

Now, I’m not much of a skull person.

I sort of leave that to my sister – she’s got a large sugar skull tattoo on her left arm.

But I simply fell in love with this design.

I imagine I’ll pair it with some sort of crochet black tank top and call it a day.

I’m trying to keep my wardrobe for the burn down to a minimum because I’ve got to be very conscientious of how much I bring when it’s me riding in someone else’s car.

Swimsuits, shorts and tank tops will be my bread and butter when I’m out on the playa.

Oh!

My final purchase off of (can you believe it!) Poshmark (a vintage/used clothing shop which is questionably vintage/used clothes and more like a cheap Chinese clothes market) is a flames backpack.

So PERFECT for the Burn!

Pasties and Age Limits

I’ve been shopping for Burning Man.

Again.

It’s seriously a never-ending saga with me.

And it’s all because I love make believe.

Costuming.

Putting together outfits for a special event.

The thing about Burning Man is that it can get hot.

Real hot.

Especially during the day.

So I’ve been looking into buying lingerie to wear as clothing.

Give me a teddy and some cut off jean shorts and color me happy.

The problem is (or maybe it’s not a problem at all given my exhibitionist proclivities) my nipples show through the thin lace fabric.

Hmmm.

What’s a gal to do when she has nipples showing through her teddy at Burning Man.

Nothing (technically)!

It’s all a-ok.

But for someone who doesn’t want to have her nipples stared at the obvious solution is pasties.

Pasties are basically a sticker that you put over your nipples to cover them up but still reveal your beautiful breasts.

In my lifetime I have bought half a dozen pairs of pasties and I’ve worn them exactly ZERO times.

It’s because as much as I want to look sexy, I’m not quite confident enough to pull them off.

I remind myself I’ve nursed 3 babies.

And I’m 45 years old.

Pasties are for 20-something year olds who have yet to ravage their bodies through bearing children.

Don’t pasties come with an age limit?

Sort of like those rides at the amusement park. . .

Your breasts must be THIS PERKY to wear these pasties.

Or some such nonsense.

It’s only because walking around topless in the heat at Burning Man sounds so liberating that I’m even CONSIDERING buying them again.

Maybe I’ll buy pasties, maybe I won’t.

Ultimately, I have to wear what I’m comfortable in and it seems I’m not quite ready to go there yet.

But hey, if I do?

You’ll see it here on unblunder first!

Doing what I love

I refuse to bitch about not getting any because. . .

. . . I’m so frigging busy, there’s no time to think about sex let alone participate.

I spent 10 days at work hosting 10 events, all related to cryptocurrency.

Cryptocurrency is not my most favorite topic.

Give me $100 and a computer and ask me to build a dragon costume and I’M ALL OVER IT!

I could occupy myself for HOURS!

So you can imagine, I was relieved when the events were successfully laid to rest.

I expected things to lighten up, but they didn’t.

I’m creating an entire website for work.

And I’m volunteering for a Regional Burn.

And I’m leading a camp at unSCruz.

And I’m on a board for a local burner group.

And I’m organizing the Bare Burn.

As well as a Costume Workshop and Clothing Exchange, and a Meet & Greet.

Where has all my free time gone?

Between the events, the meetings, and the volunteer work, I’m maxed out (almost)!

Of course, I’m forgetting one very important past time I need to keep up with:

BLOGGING!

Don’t feel bad for me though.

Because I’m doing things that I LOVE!

And there’s nothing better than spending time on things I enjoy.

Even if it doesn’t include S E X.

Flirt

He told me I sucked at flirting, and boy was he right.

I’m terrible at flirting.

Honestly, I’m one of those people who (unless it’s totally obvious my love interest is also interested in me) basically tries to ignore my potential mate.

Feeling attracted to someone brings a flush of emotions – turn on being the most notable among them.

And it feels SO GOOD!

But there’s also notably FEAR.

Yes, I get scared.

Is he going to flirt with me?  Does he like me?  Should I flirt with him first?

So let’s get back to the guy who told me I sucked at flirting.

Two years ago, in a bar at Burning Man – a place basically CREATED with hookups in mind – and I’m trying desperately to get the attention of a charismatic older man.

Sure enough my attempts to flirt are bombing.

It probably would have been better if I hadn’t sent my friend in to find out more details about him – a textbook 6th grade flirting technique.

So then I became BOLD.

I stared at his lips.

I smiled at him and played with my hair.

And sure enough, he let me kiss him.

So it’s not like I TOTALLY BOMBED at flirting.

But I’d say that a 6th grade approach to flirting is a LITTLE outdated and should be abandoned for a more appropriate and mature approach.

So I mustered up all my courage and. . .

I invited him to my RV.

Yup. I sure did.

It’s a steep learning curve, but I eventually will get it.