Smoke Show

I have decided my next costume will be titled “SMOKE SHOW.”

For a very obvious reason:

This is the tank I’m wearing with THIS delightful long fringe skirt:

Add a black high-waisted bikini and THIS lovely layered necklace and some boots and you got a lewk.

Please note:  Yes, I am aware I am not a smoke show.  But at Burning Man, I always FEEL like one, so I’m just gonna go with it.

MOOP managed

The other day, while browsing Instagram, I came across a photo tagged with #BurningMan2018.

It was a photograph of a nearly naked Caucasian woman.

Covering her breasts were glitter and rhinestones.

She wore a tiny thong.

And on her head she wore a rainbow mohawk made of feathers.

Now.

I’m not a hater or an internet troll, but this picture bothered me.

It was an ideal representation of MOOP and cultural appropriation, two things I think Burning Man discourages.

Don’t get me wrong.

The woman was BEAUTIFUL.

And the picture was flawless.

But did it really represent Burning Man 2018?

No.

MOOP?

Yes.

MOOP is a HUGE problem at Burning Man and pictures like this promote the myth that things like glitter and questionably attached rhinestones are the norm at Burning Man.

Several people expressed their dislike of the photo in the comments section and I liked a comment that said, “This doesn’t represent Burning Man to me.”

The photographer responded with a “Hey, self-expression is encouraged at Burning Man.”

True.

But not when it creates MOOP.

Leave No Trace, buddy.

Anyway, I went back to Instagram to grab the photo for this post only to discover that it had been taken down.

Or perhaps the #BurningMan2018 hashtag had been removed.

MOOP managed.

 

 

Mermaid Hair, don’t care

I’ve been looking into hair extensions for Burning Man.

Reason #1:  I like really colorful things – just look at all the rainbows in my Burning Man closet!

Reason #2:  I like brightly colored hair.  It just looks awesome and edgy AF.

Reason #3:  I work in a place which would look down on me dyeing my hair pink or blue.  I mean they put up with my nose piercing but I’m not sure they’d survive my orange hair!

Since I know so little about hair extensions, I’m going to play around with some cheap ones until I figure out what I like and what works.

But just to inspire you, here are some INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL women with mermaid hair:

mermaid-hair1 mermaid-hair2
mermaid-hair3 mermaid-hair4

So I bought two kinds of hair extensions – a pretty lavender hair extension:

extensions-lavender

And a few brightly colored pieces:

extensions-colored

As far as the multicolored stands go, I’d like to combine the peach, lavender and salmon for a rosy look and the fuchsia, dark blue, and purple for a more “galactic look” (can anyone see me in my Galactic Pussy hat with this hair?):

galaxy-hair1

Yeah, galaxy hair is AWESOME!

Now, I just need to work on LIGHTING UP MY HAIR and then you can color me satisfied!

FYI, here is my Galactic Pussy hat:

galactic-pussy-hat

Save

Save

F*ck you 6XL!

I bought a pair of black denim shorts off a website called OpenSky.com.

Ha!

Turns out it’s just a fancy cover for yet another Chinese goods website.

How do I know this?

Well, I sort of suspected when I was offered the opportunity to select a XXXXXXL (6XL).

Hmmmmm.

So yesterday my 6XL jean shorts arrived in the mail.

I pulled them out of the bag and promptly threw them in the corner.

If a 6XL in China is a size 10 in the US, then I want to know the dimensions of a woman (girl/infant) who can wear a size XS?

Seriously!

There was like 12 inches of fabric missing and FOR SURE my ass would have hung out the back, and the sides, and. . . well, let’s not go there.

It kind of reminds me of the time I was fooling around with this guy in his RV illuminated by the light from my LED kitty ears.

I was sitting on his lap and he attempted to lift me up and adjust me as if I weighed NO MORE THAN A FEATHER.

Needless to say, he tipped over and gave himself a hernia.

I’m kidding about the hernia, but not about him (us) falling over. I managed to catch myself on a cabinet, but otherwise it would have been a DISASTER!

In my mind, I was thinking. . .”Did you NOT see the size of my thighs when we were flirting?”

Of course, he was drunk (and stoned) and so the answer to that question was probably an emphatic NO!

Needless to say, Chinese clothing makes me feel fat and I’m quite sure that if I ever took a trip there and the airline lost my luggage I’d have to walk around NAKED because there would be no clothes for me to wear.

HONESTLY!

How I can feel sexy and curvy one week and fat and disgusting the next I will never know.

Fuck you 6XL!

 

UPDATE:  I did, in fact, fit into the shorts.  Tejas laced me into them and WTF! They fit!  But they are SUPER teeny and puts all my curves (and lumps and bumps) on display.

Eye Candy

I FINALLY purchased my red latex skater skirt for my Velma costume:

The costume has been just sitting at my house, waiting for me to order the skirt to complete the set.

The latex skirt is coming all the way from Russia.

I picked a slightly longer skirt than most on account of all the junk in my trunk.

I’m sure even though I ordered a longer skirt it will still BARELY cover my assets.

Which is fine.

So now, I have the following costumes for Burning Man 2020:

Latex Velma from Scooby Doo:

Lisa in wrestling coach clothes from Weird Science:

Barf from Spaceballs

The nice part about all these costumes is that THEY TAKE UP VERY LITTLE SPACE!

They each fit in a gallon size Ziploc bag, which means I won’t need to cart multiple costume bins to Burning Man.

There’s a benefit to wearing barely there outfits, besides the glaring obvious one:

EYE CANDY!

Weird Science

I came up with a new idea for Multiverse:  Burning Man 2020.

Lisa from Weird Science.

She was conjured out of the ether of men’s fantasies by two nerds, what is more Multiverse than that?

It’s been amusing putting together this costume.

To begin with, she’s not wearing a bodysuit, she’s wearing some kind of scoop neck royal blue suspender swimsuit singlet.

Sort of.

Try googling that in a plus size and see what you get. . .

It’s a hodge-podge of baby onesies, swimsuits, and some REALLY OUTSTANDING harnesses for men.

I kid you not.

Just when I thought I’d found the right scoop neck royal blue suspender swimsuit singlet, I looked at the back view and noticed it was a thong.

Uh, no.

Not even with heather gray stockings on.

So I finally found this suspender swimsuit and the designer is willing to make it in royal blue for me:

I could buy a Shermer Phys. Ed. t-shirt already created for $50 but why spend $50 on a tube top when I can custom make my own for $25?

So there you have it, my Lisa from Weird Science outfit.

Just add heather gray tights, men’s striped athletic socks and white sneakers and call it a day:

Pub Crawl

Valentine’s Day is coming.

And already I know what I’m doing.

I’m getting dressed up in a onesie, heading out to downtown for an un-valentiney Valentine’s Day pub crawl.

Now, we all know I’m game for anything that starts with beer and ends with more beer.

But this is more than just a progressive.

This is a powerful statement about the pressures put on people to see life in terms duality instead of complexity – from genders to relationships.

Yup, that’s a nod to my trans and poly friends.

Good things come in more than just two.

I’m going to get dressed in my onesie and join my fellow single and coupled up friends in celebrating a day for love, be it romantic or based on friendship, in a very non-traditional way.

Nadine will be joining me, so I have that to look forward to.

Sometimes I feel like the measure of my happiness is NOT the health of my romantic relationship/s but instead in the strength of my female friendships.

I’ll be celebrating that for Valentine’s Day, instead of feeling bad for myself or lonely.

 

 

Don’t make me Barf

In keeping with the Multiverlse theme for Burning Man 2020, I’ve been looking into creating a BARF costume to emulate comic funnyman John Candy.

While browsing the internet for ideas, I came across inkfall’s pic on Instagram and I suddenly knew what I had to do – get a tan short set (à la Steve Irwin)

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

A gold velvet romper from Fashionnova.com, which I can remove the sleeves from to make it more playa-friendly.

Dog ears and a tail, from the Pawstar etsy shop.

A Barf patch, from etsy as well.

And that my friends, is how I make a Multiverse playa-friendly Barf costume from Spaceballs.

My only worry is that khaki is the color of Burning Man Rangers and I don’t want my costume to be so close to their uniform that I get mistaken for a ranger.

However, if I add that spot to my face, I’m then unmistakably Barf and not a ranger, right?

Multiverse

Burning Man just released the theme for next year’s burn – The Multiverse.

Of course, I immediately started thinking of costumes that would go with that theme.

I’ve come up with a list of outstanding sci-fi movies and tv shows which I think should be reflected in my burning man costumes for 2020:

  • The Fifth Element
  • Spaceballs
  • Star Trek
  • Star Wars
  • Babylon 5
  • Doctor Who
  • Firefly

I’m sure there are others, so if I’m missing any iconic sci-fi flicks or shows, shoot me an email at michelle@unblunder.com or post a comment below.

There’s one small problem with using these entertaining TV shows and movies for costume inspiration – their iconic looks are pretty clothing heavy, which isn’t great in one hundred degree heat in the Black Rock Desert.

Other than the white and orange costumes for Leeloo Dallas, obviously:

I don’t really want to wear a long sleeve Star Trek dress, even if it is a mini dress, on the playa.

It’s just going to be too hot.

But in keeping with the Multiverse theme, I will probably tweak each costume so that I stay cool but also capture that sci-fi look.

More to come as I work out my costumes for Burning Man 2020.