Michelle’s home for wayward cervixes

It’s funny.

A doctor can shake up your world by announcing that on a scale of zero to cancer you’re a one, then dismiss the risk a week later by telling you that your biopsies had no significant abnormalities.

At least that’s the end result of my biopsies.

No significant abnormalities.

Why in the world am I a “one” then?

The end result of all my abstinence, doctor’s visits and biopsies is that I am fine and all I need to do to stay healthy is have regular PAP smears.

Huh.

So, I’m healthy BUT I have a predisposition for cervical cancer?

Nothing wrong with my cervix EXCEPT it’s a misbehaving a little?

Friends have come out of the woodwork to share their own cancer scares and it’s been very comforting to talk to women who have gone through what I’ve been through.

The support has been amazing and it’s nice to know that there are options out there besides the ones espoused by modern medicine which can help me.

All this is to say that I am fine.

Cancer scare is over for now.

My naughty cervix is may be skirting the boundaries of what’s allowable for a cervix – to just sit there, take a pounding, and occasionally pass a baby through it – but it’s still within healthy limits.

Nice to know.

Coconut EVERYTHING

Retail therapy is honest-to-goodness therapy, is it not?

It always makes me feel better.

Take for instance my latest foray into online shopping.

I hit up Ulta for all things coconut scented.

Coconut deodorant.

Coconut body spray.

Coconut perfume.

Coconut dry shampoo.

Even a little coconut sponge.

I’m in a coconut mood.

If orange blossom is my winter fragrance, then coconut is definitely my summer fragrance.

I feel all beachy and boho wearing it.

My hair should be splayed around around me in luxurious textured blond waves.

Sure, I have a misbehaving cervix, but who cares?

I smell like a tropical vacation.

On a scale of zero to cancer. . .

On a scale of zero to cancer, I’m at a one.

At least that’s what the doctor told me.

Nevertheless, I am quite nervous about my most recent biopsy.

I should have the results back in under a week, so that’s a blessing.

At least I’ll know where I stand.

This is the second time my doctor has had to go in and biopsy tissue.

It’s not my favorite thing in the world, resting on a bed, high up in the air, with a camera and a huge light pointed at my nether regions.

And don’t get me started on the stirrups!

The pinching and cramping was no fun.

I spent the rest of the day clutching a heating pad to my abdomen, in an effort to tame the pain.

Ironically given my family history, I’m inclined to just have them take my equipment.

Because it doesn’t comfort me to hear I’m a one on the cancer scale.

I want to be a zero.

So if you can spare a moment, think good thoughts for me.

I could use some positive thoughts right now.