New Body

I’m celebrating.

Just a little bit.

In two weeks, I’ve lost 10 pounds.

I’d call that a successful diet.

And the weight loss is well deserved, since I’ve given up chewing, flavor, and booze.

Last week I was a little miffed that I only lost 2.2 pounds.

Then again, I did eat a grilled cheese sandwich and cream of artichoke/green chili soup.

This week I cheated by sipping two gin and tonics while eating some roast beef and spinach dip on a slice of sourdough bread.

Bad Michelle!

Despite the 10 pound weight loss, I don’t really see a difference in my body.

My guess is that I will need to lose 20 pounds before I start seeing a difference.

We can start with the double chin and move on to the tummy.

But PLEASE, leave the boobs alone!

I still have a LONG WAY to go.

Like 90 – 120 more pounds.

It hardly seems possible that I could lose that much weight.

That’s like an ENTIRE person’s worth of weight!

My friend, The Photographer, has been really supportive of my weight loss.

At a time when I feel undesirable and frumpy, he has reminded me that I am a sexy, beautiful woman.

So I’m just going to hold on to that as I try to squeeze my feet into shoes that don’t fit and shave parts of my body which are hidden from view.

Cross your fingers and say a prayer that the weight keeps coming off.

I’m really excited to reveal a new body!

Always a boy friend never a boyfriend

Did I say no more unavailable men?

Oops. My bad!

I no sooner declare my newfound resolve in dating and then I go and get involved with one.

That’s right.

It just goes to show, I have a thing for unavailable men.

In high school, I remember my friend Sherwin and I would flirt with each other but I always turned him down UNTIL he had a girlfriend.

As soon as he got a girlfriend, I was interested.

But he wasn’t.

We used to joke that we never liked each other at the same time and that’s why we never hooked up.

Between Sherwin, Albert, and Andrew, I always had a boy friend but never had a boyfriend.

Fast forward 25 years and nothing has changed.

I’m still jonesing for the unavailable man.

Like Nathan. . .

. . .who is married.

THE EPITOME OF UNAVAILBLE and I’ve gone and got myself involved.

It’s not a romance thing.

It’s not even a dating thing.

It’s mostly a get naked and fool around thing.

I’m not proud of it.

And I felt if I didn’t admit it on this blog that I was casting myself in an unnecessarily good light when in reality I’m not exactly being the most upstanding human being right now.

Not. Upstanding. At. All.


MichelleSo I “broke off” my flirtation with my sexting buddy the other day.

He was married.

The longer we sexted, the more guilty I felt, thinking about his wife and how our flirtation would impact her.

I also thought about what would happen if I got in a car accident and my kids got a hold of my phone (they know the password) and they found my texts to a married man.

Would they be proud of me?

Probably not so much.

And also, I don’t want to pass on those kinds of ethics to my children – the idea that deception and cheating are okay so long as the offended party doesn’t know about it.

I don’t want to be the other woman. God, I’ve been there before and IT SUCKED.

Even in an open relationship.

I want to be The Woman. Not with him, of course, since he’s married. But with someone who can give me everything I need, not just sexy texts/pics and an occasional snog.

But he is likeable. And charming. And I’m totally capable of falling in love with him.

So before I actually DO fall in love with him, it’s best to end the flirtation.

Believe it or not, sometimes I actually DO THE RIGHT THING.

Unblunder finally lives up to it’s name!

What’s worse?

michelleWhat’s worse?

A woman who loses her libido forcing her partner to give up his sex life alongside her or the man who cheats on her?

Neither scenario is very appetizing.

I asked my friend Nathan this the other day and he was certain.

“Definitely the woman,” he told me.

My friend Marina and I discussed it as well.

I think we side with the men as well.

I have a friend, called Mystery Man, who has the biggest sexual appetite of anyone I know. It’s a borderline obsession. He never cheated. Even when he wasn’t getting any from his wife.

Oh sure, he TALKED about cheating. And THOUGHT about cheating. But did he do it?


Now he’s divorced and fucking every agreeable women in a 50 mile radius of his house.

I have another friend who still gets the occasional romp from his wife and yet he cheats whenever he gets the chance.

It’s a crazy world out there.

If I seem focused on cheating it’s because I’m in my 40s and I actually meet a lot of men who have been married for around two decades and are “allowed” to have discreet affairs.

In many ways they’re available. Lonely. Needy. Emotionally hungry.

But of course, in the MOST IMPORTANT WAY POSSIBLE, they are totally, completely, 100% UNAVAILABLE.

And that’s all that matters.