Confidence

He has confidence, I’ll give him that.

I was texting with a new man when I decided to send him a full length picture of me.

Just so that he could see what I mean when I say I’m a curvy girl.

Thick.

It’s used as a catch all phrase for women size 10+ and there’s a lot of diversity so in order to make sure we’re not wasting each other’s time, I usually send my photo to the men before I go out with them.

His response?

“I’m going to be making love to you a lot. . . I’m just gonna be upfront with you”

Oh my!

My initial reaction was, “Yeah, you wish!” followed swiftly by, “Please!”

It’s simply the horn dog in me coming out.

It’s not that I like handsome strangers telling me they want to fuck me a lot.

Wait.

What am I saying?

It’s EXACTLY that!

Who wouldn’t LOVE to hear those words said to them?

Sure, it’d be nice if I knew him better.

And felt more attracted to him.

But I appreciated his enthusiasm.

We went out and he continues to say things to me.

Things that can’t be repeated on this blog involving his fantasy which included the backseat of a car, his tongue, and my very appreciative flesh.

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Confidence

confidenceI’ve never felt like a very confident person. That however hasn’t stopped people from describing me as confident.

Something about running with bulls, flying airplanes, and driving race cars just screams “I am confident!”

But I’m not.

Not really.

Most people intimidate the hell out of me.

Pat of the reason why is that a medication I take causes cognitive slowing and so I always feel like I’m a minute behind in every conversation I have.

Ever forget the word for “dog” in the middle of talking to someone about your pets?

I have.

I once had to describe what a raccoon looked like to a person because I couldn’t remember the word “raccoon.”

You know… that little animal that likes going through garbage cans and looks like a bandit…

Yeah, try feeling confident and capable when you’re searching for words to complete a sentence.

That is why I’ve adopted a “FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT” policy about socialization.

I basically fake my confidence as long as it takes me to CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND TAKE A CHILL PILL.

Maybe the most confident person in the room isn’t the one with the wittiest comments, the funniest jokes, or the best repartee.

Maybe the most confident person in the room is actually the shyest but is just good at pretending.

Just thinking out loud.

Bad Boys

I love bad boys, just ask my ex Steve.

A wicked smart, leather wearing , motorcycle riding, cocky criminal defense attorney from Modesto, he embodied to me everything that I found exciting:

  • Confidence
  • Adventurous
  • Challenging
  • Mysterious

He made me feel like a powerful woman and he knew how to talk to me.

Plus he was a rock star in the bedroom and looked great in a kilt.

Why is it that the best chemistry seems to exist between myself and a “bad boy”?

Bad boys are challenging. They’re forbidden. We know it’s not going to end well, but we want that ride. The thrill of it all is worth the price we’ll pay.

And perhaps we think we’re woman enough to change him just a little bit. Tame him.

It’s a delusion, of course.

Because what makes a bad boy a bad boy is that they’re untameable. They’re wild. And that’s half the reason why we like them so much.

So why don’t women go for good guys? Why is calling someone a “nice guy” a backhanded insult?

Maybe it has something to do with nice guys not possessing that faux sense of masculinity that women seem to gravitate towards. Perhaps they radiate a doormat mentality that women don’t find sexy. They’re too predictable? They have low self-esteem? All sorts of reasons come into play here. But the real reason may be genetics. Women are designed to procreate with the strongest possible genes. Bad boys send an unconscious message that they have great genes whereas nice guys send a message that they’re not as confident in their genes.

Regardless of the causes, I will say this… though sex with a bad boy was off the chart, the best relationship and sex of my life was with a really nice guy.

Although he was a cage fighter….