Why the F not?

You know, it’s possible that this collecting costume thing is getting out of hand.

I literally have hundreds of them.

I used to collect shoes and ball gowns.

Now it’s costumes and Burning Man outfits.

All of this is just a preface to me saying this:

I bought another costume today.

I bought a Cher outfit.

Not THAT Cher.

I’m no slim Armenian-American pop star.

Not even close, though the attempt to do a Cher costume would be HILARIOUS!

No, I meant Cher from Clueless.

THAT Cher.

I bought the yellow plaid schoolgirl costume:

Why?

Because honestly every time I see that costume, I get a little giggly.

And because they made it in my size.

So why the F not?

Snapshot of my life

Okay, I have a pet peeve.

America is self-destructing and Facebook is still marketing garbage to me.

Cheap dresses from China.

False eyelashes from all over.

Strange oddities from Wish.com (like a vaginal steamer).

Who does Facebook think I am?

Gwyneth Paltrow?

Amidst all this chaos, I am continuing my regular rituals of getting up early, going to work (from my dining room), and working on costumes.

The Egyptian slave costume is finished and I’m happy to say that my friend Nadine has a matching outfit.

So on to the next costume – an angel outfit complete with halo and wings.

It’s what I do to keep the anxiety at bay.

I’m also looking into online MBA programs offered by UC Davis, San Jose State, and Purdue Global.

The good news is that all these programs look affordable and reasonable for me to be accepted into.

The bad news is I have to take 2 semesters of economics and one semester of statistics to meet the prerequisites of applying.

Maybe also an algebra class (something I tested out of in high school when I took college calculus as a senior).

So there you have it – a snapshot into my life as it exists right now.

Hats off

It’s hard to write blog posts during a pandemic.

I have to ignore the voice in my head screaming that people are suffering and dying and instead focus on something else that can grab my attention.

And it’s damn hard to focus on anything else.

The last thing I want to do is to spend more time focusing on the virus.

Instead I choose to pay attention to something that gives me a little relief from all the COVID-19 talk.

My costumes.

My hat and the custom hat band I ordered arrived in the mail yesterday.

I had to fight like the dickens to remove the boring old hat band that came with the pretty chapeau so I could replace it with my new and improved hat band.

I don’t think it turned out too shabby, how about you?

It is quickly replacing my pirate hat as my favorite hat:

Ironically, I have a HUGE selection of hats – from dark brown felt Stetsons to pomp om beanies and more.

It was a joke among the men I dated from Tinder that all my profile pictures had me wearing some sort of hat or helmet.

Can’t help it that interesting things happen when I’m wearing a hat.

Multiverse

God only knows if Burning Man will or won’t take place this summer.

I lean towards it being cancelled just because I think it might be a dangerous time to start allowing gatherings again, especially one as intimate as Burning Man is.

We’re talking Orgy Dome, cuddle puddles, hugs, multi-use foot baths, lack of handwashing stations, food prepared in outdoor kitchens, etc.

But, just in case it happens, I am prepared:

I have costumes all lined up and ready to go and quite honestly, I’m so pleased with the results of my costuming efforts.

I’ll throw in my White Wednesday outfit and a tutu for Tutu Tuesday and call it a day!

Bygones

Today, I met a man whose love of cosplay rivaled my own.

I mean I’m not a professional but I LOVE costumes and role play.

We shared some of our favorite costumes and he helped me out with an idea for a new costume.

I admitted to binge watching True Blood and knew it was time to make a True Blood costume.

A vampire of course.

Perhaps Jessica?

No.

Pam from True Blood:

She has some FUN lewks.

And, of course she has some great one liners:

Let this good people practice their constitutional right to be fucking idiots.

I am wearing a Wal-mart sweatsuit for ya’ll, if that’s not a demonstration of team spirit, I don’t know what is.

And my PERSONAL favorite:

Let bygones, be bygones; bi-girls, be bi-girls.

Eye Candy

I FINALLY purchased my red latex skater skirt for my Velma costume:

The costume has been just sitting at my house, waiting for me to order the skirt to complete the set.

The latex skirt is coming all the way from Russia.

I picked a slightly longer skirt than most on account of all the junk in my trunk.

I’m sure even though I ordered a longer skirt it will still BARELY cover my assets.

Which is fine.

So now, I have the following costumes for Burning Man 2020:

Latex Velma from Scooby Doo:

Lisa in wrestling coach clothes from Weird Science:

Barf from Spaceballs

The nice part about all these costumes is that THEY TAKE UP VERY LITTLE SPACE!

They each fit in a gallon size Ziploc bag, which means I won’t need to cart multiple costume bins to Burning Man.

There’s a benefit to wearing barely there outfits, besides the glaring obvious one:

EYE CANDY!

Multiverse

Burning Man just released the theme for next year’s burn – The Multiverse.

Of course, I immediately started thinking of costumes that would go with that theme.

I’ve come up with a list of outstanding sci-fi movies and tv shows which I think should be reflected in my burning man costumes for 2020:

  • The Fifth Element
  • Spaceballs
  • Star Trek
  • Star Wars
  • Babylon 5
  • Doctor Who
  • Firefly

I’m sure there are others, so if I’m missing any iconic sci-fi flicks or shows, shoot me an email at michelle@unblunder.com or post a comment below.

There’s one small problem with using these entertaining TV shows and movies for costume inspiration – their iconic looks are pretty clothing heavy, which isn’t great in one hundred degree heat in the Black Rock Desert.

Other than the white and orange costumes for Leeloo Dallas, obviously:

I don’t really want to wear a long sleeve Star Trek dress, even if it is a mini dress, on the playa.

It’s just going to be too hot.

But in keeping with the Multiverse theme, I will probably tweak each costume so that I stay cool but also capture that sci-fi look.

More to come as I work out my costumes for Burning Man 2020.

Down the Rabbit Hole

It’s nearly fall y’all.

And you know what that means – Halloween!

Yes, it’s my favorite holiday of the whole year.

As a child, I remember countless costume birthday parties my family hosted for me since my birthday falls just two days after Halloween.

I’ve started brain storming for a new costume idea (despite the fact that I have enough costumes to start my own costume shop).

A few that have started to bounce around in my brain:

Uma Thurman’s Bride character in Kill Bill:

Miley Cyrus as Ashley O:

And I REALLY would like to emulate Lizzo somehow but I just don’t think that’s politically correct:

As it turns out on my ACTUAL birthday, unSCruz is planning an overnight event at the Fairgrounds called “2nd Annual Monster’s Ball:  Beyond the Rabbit Hole.”

Ducking down rabbit holes is something I’m familiar with and I’m inclined to celebrate my birthday there this year, in which case I will need an Alice in Wonderland costume.

I already have a White Rabbit costume:

I also have a black burner bunny costume I could wear:

And a pink one:

So I’ve got plenty to choose from.

Or I just might put together something new.

Something no one has ever seen before.

It’s not every day I celebrate my birthday at a rave.

Costume building

I’m looking for inspiration for my next set of Burning Man outfits.

Lately, I’ve been inspired by tie-dye, bright colors, butterflies, stars, pineapples, the color white and costumes.

We’ve established my peacock and butterfly outfits already:

Although, I am skeptical that I will wear the matching wigs on account of the playa being too dry and hot for me to actually get my hair up in a wig cap without dying of heatstroke first.

I also have a St. Pauli Girl costume which I will wear because my friend and I are hosting Oktoberfest at the No Drama Bar again this year.

Imagine ice cold brew on the playa. . .

Ah, so refreshing!

I’ve been looking at white simply because of “White Wednesdays” and also because there’s a “white” party on the playa that I’d like to attend.

My previous white dress has seen better days and needs replacing:

Although I can’t bear to get rid of it because that dress has been a good luck charm for me.

Wink, wink!

It’s so hot during the days at Burning Man that I’m really working on MINIMAL outfits to wear – short shorts, camis, sleeveless bodysuits, short cotton dresses and rompers.

Yes, I may ACTUALLY slip into a romper.

I also need to do something about a tutu.

Burning Man pretty much destroys everything you bring there and my tutus have seen better days.

So once again, I’m going into costume building mode where I look for inspiration online then build a costume around what inspires me.

Lucky me!

Pasties and Age Limits

I’ve been shopping for Burning Man.

Again.

It’s seriously a never-ending saga with me.

And it’s all because I love make believe.

Costuming.

Putting together outfits for a special event.

The thing about Burning Man is that it can get hot.

Real hot.

Especially during the day.

So I’ve been looking into buying lingerie to wear as clothing.

Give me a teddy and some cut off jean shorts and color me happy.

The problem is (or maybe it’s not a problem at all given my exhibitionist proclivities) my nipples show through the thin lace fabric.

Hmmm.

What’s a gal to do when she has nipples showing through her teddy at Burning Man.

Nothing (technically)!

It’s all a-ok.

But for someone who doesn’t want to have her nipples stared at the obvious solution is pasties.

Pasties are basically a sticker that you put over your nipples to cover them up but still reveal your beautiful breasts.

In my lifetime I have bought half a dozen pairs of pasties and I’ve worn them exactly ZERO times.

It’s because as much as I want to look sexy, I’m not quite confident enough to pull them off.

I remind myself I’ve nursed 3 babies.

And I’m 45 years old.

Pasties are for 20-something year olds who have yet to ravage their bodies through bearing children.

Don’t pasties come with an age limit?

Sort of like those rides at the amusement park. . .

Your breasts must be THIS PERKY to wear these pasties.

Or some such nonsense.

It’s only because walking around topless in the heat at Burning Man sounds so liberating that I’m even CONSIDERING buying them again.

Maybe I’ll buy pasties, maybe I won’t.

Ultimately, I have to wear what I’m comfortable in and it seems I’m not quite ready to go there yet.

But hey, if I do?

You’ll see it here on unblunder first!