Fucking algorithms!

Facebook is irritating me right now.

You know how they use algorithms to promote ads in your Facebook stream?

Well, they’ve sorta got me right and they’ve sorta got me ALL WRONG.

You see, Facebook keeps showing me ads for beautiful bohemian sundresses.

Just my style.

I “oooh” and “aaah” over them and CLICK.

Then I’m taken to a website that offers their clothes in three sizes – S, M, and L

Size 2 – 10.

What’s a curvy girl to do, I ask?

It’s the MOST IRRITATING thing in the world, to see a beautiful dress only to realize it doesn’t come in your size.

WTF is Facebook showing me these links?

Has it not figured out yet that I am a thick chick?

Seriously!

If you really want to piss off a plus size woman what do you do?

You take her to a store where nothing fits and tell her to find something that works.

Facebook is SERIOUSLY losing points with me.

As if showing me all the men I’ve dated in the “You Might Know” section isn’t bad enough, now they’ve gone and fucked it up again.

Fucking algorithms!

Much bigger balls

All right.

My gold bikini arrived in the mail yesterday and I was eager to put it on and see what I looked like.

I don’t know what I was expecting. Perhaps to look a little more like the model in the advertisement and a little less like, well, me.

bikiniSo I slipped it on and first impressions were:

  • Oh God, no!
  • Jesus, I look like a whale!
  • What happened to my body?
  • I DEFINITELY do not have a bikini body!
  • Oh, my wretched body.
  • And so on and so forth.

Suffice to say that I was not impressed by me in a bikini.

Maybe if I had a tan or something, I’d look better. . .

But no, it’s me. I look AWFUL.

So I promised I was going to post a picture of me in this bikini online.

That was before I looked at myself in a bikini.

Nevertheless, I keep my promises so here you go. . . me in a gold bikini.

gold bikiniOkay, sure, it’s just the top half, but there’s basically no way to fuck up my cleavage so I’m comfortable posting this online.

It would take MUCH BIGGER BALLS THAN I’VE GOT to post a full length photo.

Much bigger balls.