The winds of change

Most of my Tinder dates while being thoroughly entertaining, only last one date or two before they fizzle out.

So I’m going on a lot of first dates, a few second dates, and virtually no one has stuck.

Ironically, I’ve made more friends on Tinder than lovers and it’s just a testament to my stubbornness that I’m online AT ALL!

Gradually, over time I’ve begun to question the wisdom of blogging my dates with men on this site.

I mean, exactly how many men want to be preceded by their “reputation” when dating me?

I think it’s clear to me that the answer is NO ONE.

And so it is with tremendous thought and self-reflection that I’ve decided to slow down my blogging and eliminate my dating life from my daily journals.

I’m sure it comes with GREAT SATISFACTION to some of my friends who have been advocating for this for years.

The Photographer is one such advocate, who has told me every chance he gets to SLOW DOWN BLOGGING MEN!

Michelle is another friend who supports the “less is more” movement on unblunder.

Needless to say I’m a little nervous about having enough content to post every day.

My quilting and costuming posts are never as popular as my dating posts.

But that’s something I can live with if it creates a little space for someone to actually enter my life, without judgment or prejudice, and enjoy my company for a little while.

Also, it’s okay if I’m not glued to my computer dreaming up blog posts that are only read by a thousand people.

I’ve got a life.

It’s time to live it instead of constantly writing about things I want to do and men I occasionally date.

SMH

The other night I tried to line up a booty call.

But no one could play.

That is to say, everyone I contacted was so far away it was prohibitive.

Le sigh.

I sent out a bunch of text messages.

Some of you may have gotten a text message from me.

You know who you are.

This was my attempt (and a poor one at that) to arrange a booty call for Saturday night.

This is par for the course with me.

Every time I think I’m going to cut loose and just enjoy myself something happens to throw a wrench in the works.

Now, more than ever I need to make LOCAL friends.

The kind that live 10 minutes from me, preferably.

I have one new friend in my town.

Sadly, he’s gone for the holidays and won’t be back until December 3rd.

I did go online and met another single man who lives in my area.

We are supposed to have a date tonight.

So we shall see how that develops.

Changing my profile pic on Tinder has certainly upped the ante when it comes to dates.

I’m starting to wonder if we aren’t all online looking for hookups and thinking maybe something will come of it, instead of everyone being online looking for a LTR and finding FWB instead.

This is my new approach to dating, and one that I think my photographer-friend heartily approves of.

Looking for a FWB and stumbling across a LTR by accident.

SMH (which by the way, means Shaking My Head and NOT SEX MIGHT HELP).

Just FYI!

Bathing in sunblock

Ever since I put THIS picture up on Tinder, I’ve been getting a ton of emails from men.

Among the responses, I got two dick pics.

Now, I’m not going to complain because that would just be silly.

Put a provocative picture out there, expect to get provocative pictures back.

That’s the rules folks.

I put the bait in the water, I shouldn’t be surprised when I catch a corresponding fish.

So I’m not writing this to complain about dick pics.

No.

One such “fish” is from Germany.

Quite a sexy beast too.

A private pilot who flies corporate jets for a living.

Now, I’ve been warned about pilots.

So I asked him, “ARE YOU MARRIED?”

He told me “Recently separated.”

Right-O.

I’ll bet his wife doesn’t know this!

Anyway, at best I’ve made a few sext partners through this photo.

At worst I’ll have to fend off some groping hands on a date.

All in all, I’m pretty happy to have found some new blood to keep me entertained.

The German Pilot asked me to send a current photo, so I obliged.

He doesn’t think I look 46 years old.

He says I look like I’m in my 20s.

[NOTE:  He may be referring to pictures I sent that had other body parts besides my face.]

I had to politely explain that I virtually bathe in sunblock every day.

Personally, I think I look my age give or take only about 5 years or so.

And I’m okay with that.

Growing old is a luxury denied to many.

But I thank my lucky stars that I worked in a spa in my 20s and was advised to wear sunblock every day.

As for The German Pilot, he can go home to his “recently-separated” wife and “reconcile.”

I learned my lesson with Stargazer.

No married men.

Put ’em up!

I went and did something crazy.

I took a provocative photo of myself and uploaded it to Tinder and the response has been explosive!

It’s a picture of me, in a fake police officer hat and black lingerie.

I remember being impressed with the picture when I took it and it’s one I share with “special” friends.

You know who you are.

I also occasionally post it to unblunder.

For having no nudity, it sure is a fun picture.

I guess it shows off my playful side.

As if the burner pics of me in faux fur, purple hair, and costumes don’t ALREADY say I’m fun, this definitely reinforces it.

I think it also appeals to all the subby men who’d like to get “arrested” and “taken away” by a hot police officer.

One guy asked what costumes I have in my collection.

The more appropriate question is what costumes DON’T I have in my collection.

Anyway, Tinder has been crazy fun the last few days and I’m just amused as all get up that the response to the picture has been so swift and strong.

I think maybe I’ll post THIS one next. . .

JUST KIDDING!

Looking for a boyfriend

Just the other day I saw an ad for B Simone’s comedy tour at the Improv in San Jose.

She’s titled her show, “Looking for a boyfriend” and boy, does that resonate with me.

She must have some GREAT stories about internet dating and meeting men online and all the wild and crazy behavior she has experienced.

I’m sorely tempted to go.

I think her comedy act will resonate with me because I too, am looking for a boyfriend.

He’s late, apparently.

But just ask anyone – I’m ALWAYS early.

Looking for a boyfriend is kinda like star gazing for meteor showers – if you’re not looking in the right direction, you’re gonna miss all the action!

That’s exactly how I feel right now.

Like I’ve been staring at the sky but missing the show.

I recall counseling a friend who was upset over being single for a very long time.

I kept telling him it’ll come along but of course that didn’t help.

He felt hopeless and ultimately took it personally.

Then someone new entered his life and he’s now happily coupled up for over a year.

So if there’s hope for him, there’s definitely hope for me.

I just need to look in the right direction.

Easy, no?

Only in my dreams

I had a dream the other night that I was interested in a man.

I have no idea who this man is, but the best part of the dream was that HE WAS INTERESTED IN ME TOO.

As in RECIPROCAL INTEREST, not just unrequited love.

Which is what I seem to experience the most of these days.

I recall slowly waking up and trying to FORCE myself back into my dream, it was so nice and lovely.

Of course as things go, I wound up waking up all the way and the dream was gone.

But that feeling of “OMG, someone LIKES me” lingered.

And I felt suddenly blissfully happy and content lying in bed.

It seems odd, given that yesterday was National Singles Day, for me to be so completely enthralled with a dream of love.

There’s no doubt that I am pretty content with the single life I’m living now.

But for a bit of a reprieve, I’ll take the dream and daydream that there’s someone out there for me, anxious to meet me too.

I may be happily single, because I’m very pragmatic about dating.

But it sure would be nice to meet someone special.

Even if it’s only in my dreams.

Date!

I went on a date with a man I can only describe as my son’s true hero.

He’s an enlisted Air National Guardsman who has risen through the ranks to basically the highest level an enlisted man can achieve.

The top 1%.

My son was so enamored of my date that he INSISTED that I let him speak to him during our first date.

What did they discuss?

The perks of being in the military, of course.

Discounts to state parks, free baggage, commissary discounts, and on base accommodations.

It was heartening to see my son so engaged in a conversation with someone I was interested in.

Unfortunately, as these things go, I am not all that interested in this man.

Not because he’s not an outstanding person, because he is.

But he’s at a place in his life where he’s going to retire soon and travel extensively and I’m at least 10 years away from that place in my own life.

I might see him again, however.

He lives a mere 2 miles from me so it’s REALLY convenient to date him.

We’ll see how things develop.

Wish me luck!

I hate dating

Lately, I’m hating dating more than loving it. In part because of my horrific experience speed dating, but also because of crappy one-on-one dates, like my date with the guy who doubled up on his dates for the night. Ugh. It’s enough to make a girl run for the safety of spinsterhood and prolonged abstinence.

But then there have been some good dates that I’ve been on. Some dates which I thoroughly enjoyed and thought my date did too. I would have sworn I was going to see them again. But sadly that was not the case. Instead, I heard nothing further from these men after our dates. No “How are you,” no “I had a great time,” no “Let’s get together next week.”

Just silence.

And don’t think I didn’t pick up my phone once or twice, trying to will it to ring.

Clearly, these men figured out sooner than I that we were not compatible.

Now I know it’s not that I have an awful personality. Or that I’m not a nice person. So what’s the reason?

I’ve taken to assuming the only thing that’s left….

…. I have an awful body.

It’s too soft. It’s too curvy, It’s no toned enough. It’s just a bad body.

If you only knew how much I beat myself up over this.

So when my friends praise me for being so confident, I scoff inside and think “If they only knew my inner dialogue rips me to shreds.”

My BFF pointed out the other day during our hike, the only thing wrong with me is that I keep asking what’s wrong with me. And she has a point. Ultimately, there is nothing wrong with me.

But the truth is it used to be a lot easier to meet quality men. It used to be a lot easier to meet someone with whom I had chemistry.

So when I meet a decent guy with whom I feel chemistry, it sucks to get rejected.

It also sucks to blog about my “great dates” and then have them go nowhere.

But c’est la vie. Such is life.

Who needs a man?

All right.

Let’s suppose for just an instance that I have taken myself off Tinder and am no longer meeting single guys (or married guys who PRETEND they are single).

What’s a woman to do with all her free time if she’s not chatting up men?

Good question. . .

I have absolutely nothing going on this weekend except for dinner plans with a friend.

I had the FORESIGHT to know I’d need some downtime after several weeks of mini road trips.

Especially since next weekend I’m heading to a housewarming party in Monterey followed by a trip to the Renaissance Faire at Casa de Fruita.

I really should throw myself into my activities, the way I did when I was driving race cars, running with the bulls, and kayaking with whales.

Nadine has suggested that I find some meet ups to go to.

She’ll even go with me.

But that’s just more of me trying to meet someone and I really feel like I need a break from all of the noise it’s brought into my life.

I’ve done quite a bit of activities in the Bay Area in the past – from taking beer making classes to whale watching with Barbara and some adult content activities like attending a burlesque show with Yvonne.

So I might have to repeat some of the oldies but goodies.

A few things I haven’t tried yet are:

  • Bocce Ball
  • Cooking School
  • Trivia Night
  • Food Tour of SF (various cuisines)
  • Scavenger Hunt
  • Adventure Course
  • Sushi School
  • Wine School
  • Geocaching
  • Hiking Trails
  • Laser Light Show
  • Brewery Tour
  • Fused Glass Class
  • Wine Blending
  • Improv Class
  • Golf Lessons
  • Horseback Riding
  • Mixology Class
  • Photography Class

It’s also been a few years since I did a boudoir shoot, so it may be time to revisit THAT adventure.

Honestly, I’m tempted the most by photography, glass and horseback riding.

Who needs a man when you have hobbies?

I’m reminded of a well-known social psychologist who gave me the following advice when I told him I was getting divorced 14 years ago:

Get some hobbies.  Volunteer.

From his lips to God’s ears.

If someone who makes $15,000 speaking to the NFL on self-efficacy is going to give me life advice, I’m gonna take it.

This dating thing isn’t going so well

The dating thing isn’t going so well for me and I think a break is in order.

I’ve gone on dates with:

  • Virtually mute introverts
  • Men who spend $1000 on a date
  • Severe Selsen Blue flakes
  • Perverts, and not the good kind
  • Offensively racist men
  • Men who rejected me because of this blog
  • Newly divorced and bitter men
  • Divorced for a long time and still bitter men
  • Not divorced at all men (Surprise!)
  • 47 year old re-virgins

It’s all been very entertaining but also a little disheartening.  I confess I’m really fed up with online dating and am ready to try blind dates and set ups.

Or nothing at all.

Yes, this eternal optimist is more than a little disappointed and frustrated right now.  So frustrated I actually called a matchmaker and looked into getting set up  by a matchmaker.  But that little venture would cost $1900.  Um…. no thanks.

But today my 18 year kid provided me with a ray of sunlight in my dim dating life.

“It’s better to be single anyway.  That way you don’t have to buy anyone Valentine’s gifts on Valentine’s Day…”

Wisdom from a the mouths of babes.