Nasty!

michelleMonkey Shots

No, monkey shots are not some new cocktail craze.

Monkey shots are dick pics, sent (usually) unsolicited to an unsuspecting woman who is suddenly confronted with some guy’s junk.

Now to be perfectly honest, sometimes I’ve asked for a monkey shot.

Just cuz turn about is fair play.

If I’m going to send mine then he needs to send his.

I have quite the collection of monkey shots.

So much so that my friend Marina and I were thinking of putting up a display at Burning Man – an artistic display so to speak – of all the dick pics we’ve received.

This past weekend, I was sitting around a fire when the subject of monkey shots came up.

I casually mentioned that one guy sent me a picture of him peeing.

Like up close and personal.

He thought it was funny.

I was not so amused.

Then I had to look through all my old photos to find the picture because some party guests wanted to see it.

Lo and behold I found it.

Monkey shot full of pee.

We moaned.

We groaned.

We rolled our eyes.

And pretty much everyone agreed, I am a magnet for nasty boys.

NASTY!

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Dick pics vs chick pics NSFW

Time to clean up the pics on my cell phone.

You know it’s time to clean up the pics on your cell phone when you pass it to another person and think, “God, I hope they don’t swipe right OR left!”

I’ve taken to warning people, “Be careful with swiping. You never know what you might see on my phone” but it a way that only encouraged SWIPING.

GO FIGURE.

So here I am, cleaning up my iPhone.

Filing away the naughty photos into PhotoSafePro, my go to program for pics I want to keep under lock and key, I decided to count exactly how many dick pics I have in my vaults.

119

That’s right. I have 119 different photos of dick pics in my library.

That’s quite an assortment.

And yes, I can *mostly* tell who they belong to because each new cock is interspersed with photos of the owner.

Giggle.

It made me think about an article Marina sent me about a woman who made an art exhibit out of unsolicited dick pics.

She must’ve had quite a few too. More or less than 119, do you think?

In any case, I also counted all the naked boob pics I have (and not all of them are of me, though the lion’s share are) and I discovered I have A LOT.

124

So what does it say about me that I have more boob pics than dick pics?

It could mean that it’s more socially permissible to have naked breasts displayed than naked cocks. What’s true in Hollywood is true in my iPhone.

It could also mean that it’s easier for me to take pics of breasts than it is for me to get cock pics (cough, cough).

But in reality, I think it means that most of the men I sext with like to see pics of my breasts and so I have A SHITLOAD OF THEM.