I kid you not

I don’t think I’ve ever told the story of Douglas and Mac, my son and my dog.

Douglas died from cancer on September 22, 1998.

My then-husband, seeing my grief, adopted a dog for me to care for during my recovery.

We named him MacLeod after the Highlander and called him “Mac” and before long, Mac and I were inseperable.

That’s a love story in itself, Mac and I.

We camped together.

When I fell in love with a man, so did Mac.

We trusted the same people.

Loved the same children.

Then one day, while returning from a camping trip at the Yuba River, Mac fell out of the cab of my truck on the freeway and was struck and killed before we could get him off the road.

The date was September 22, 2008.

The 10 year anniversary of my son Douglas’ death.

I’m not making this up.

Furthermore, when I checked the pictures I’d taken of us playing in the river a mere HOURS before the accident that took his life, THIS is the last one I took of Mac:

At the time, I was devastated by his loss.

Now in hindsight, I’ve found some comfort in the circularity of my time with Mac.

He will always be my first amazing dog and an extension of the child I lost.


As you all know, I’ve been slowly cleaning my room and going through things I haven’t touched since I got divorced in 2005.

I basically threw things in boxes, stacked the boxes on bookshelves and called it a day.

I’ve come across some lovely old photos in the process, two of which I’ll share here:

Me and friends in 7th grade (circa 1986) – believe it or not, I’m still in touch with seven of them!

One even became my sister-in-law!

Me with friends from my first year of college (circa 1992):

I’ll say this, it was a fun year in the dorms at UCSB.

But the one thing I came across which I was not expecting was a book of photos which I put together for my then-boyfriend Jay.

All the pictures were taken in August of 2008 and capture us at what I think was our happiest together.

What a trip down memory lane.

Camping trips with the kids, beach dates with my dog Mac.

You name it, it’s in there.

Especially PDAs.

However, I was especially touched by how much Mac featured in the album.

Page after page chronicling my affection for my sweet, loving, loyal dog Mac.

And just because I still love that dog more than some people I know, I’m gonna post some wonderful photos which make me smile:

Adios 2017!

How do I feel about 2017?

I’m ready to bring on 2018, that’s how I feel.

In 2017 I had to put down my dog.

That was a difficult and sad time.

I also applied for, and lost, two jobs: one I was excited about and one I was less than excited about.

So perhaps it’s for the best, though it hurt both times to be rejected.

2017 wasn’t all bad though.

I went to unSCruz with The Swede and had a lot of fun.

And, of course, I am in Sweden right now visiting The Swede.

I travelled to Burning Man in 2017 and had a fantastic time so there’s that too.

But there was also a WHOLE YEAR OF #45’s antics and quite honestly I have had my fill of that charlatan.

Three more years? Good grief!

2018 brings some promise.

I will continue to look for another position at work so there’s potential for growth there.

And, once again, I am going to unSCruz AND Burning Man, not to mention that highly anticipated spring Pagan Bunny Burn.

I also start my medical weight management program which I’m not REALLY looking forward to except for how much healthier I will be on the program.

So there’s that.

Overall, I can say adios to 2017 and welcome in 2018 with an open mind and an open heart.

I’m looking forward to the coming year.


I picked up Wendy’s ashes from the vet and she now lives in my room, on a bookshelf.

It was a sad and sobering moment placing her on the shelf, wishing she was still alive and thriving.

I miss her terribly.

I’m down to one pet now – a cat named Princess.

She’s a GORGEOUS Burmese cat with light blue eyes and the SWEETEST demeanor.

I found her in a barn behind the spa I worked at over a decade ago. She was raiding the nearby dumpster for food and had 5 little kittens with her.

I found homes for the kittens but kept her on account of WHAT A BEAUTIFUL CAT SHE IS.

I didn’t care that she was virtually feral.

I loved her from the moment I saw her.

And she has turned into a very UNFERAL lap kitty.

So you can imagine my dismay when I took her to the vet and found out she had fleas, a gum infection AND pancreatitis.

Between my sons and I, she is getting her medications round the clock to take care of all her illnesses.

In an effort to fatten her up, I went nuts on amazon and bought her eight different flavors of cat treats and a little stuffed turtle filled with catnip.

Because I ALWAYS go overboard.

Luckily, Princess seems to like ALL HER TREATS so I’m hoping she fattens up soon and puts a little weight on her sleight frame.

Lord knows, I’m in no shape to lose another pet.

RIP Wendy

Well, it’s taken me a week to get to the point where I feel ready to blog about it.

My dog Wendy was put to sleep last Friday, May 19th.

I adopted her from the Tri Valley Animal Shelter when she was three years old and she was a TOTAL MESS OF A DOG.

She was crate trained but nothing else.

She was so wild that trainers advised me not to leave my two young boys alone with her.

I didn’t know what I was getting in to. All I knew was that I’d lost my precious Mac a few weeks earlier in a deadly car accident on Highway 80 and I needed to bring a new dog into my life.

Of course, Wendy looked JUST LIKE MAC.

I spent $25 buying Wendy from the shelter and $5000 training her.

The trainers at Cooperhaus Kennels worked wonders with her, to the point that I could recall her with just the sound of my voice.

Over the years, she mellowed but she still maintained a little wild streak.

She never learned how to kiss until the very end, she always wanted to nibble.

Her favorite game was keep away, she never learned to fetch.

On a hot, sunny day in California, Wendy was laid to rest surrounded by her loved ones.

Birds chirped overhead and you could practically see the smile on Wendy’s face as she soaked in all the attention she was getting.

She was so enthralled with all the love bestowed on her, she refused to go to sleep after the vet gave her the sedative.

After waiting patiently for 10 minutes, the vet gave Wendy another shot to make her fall asleep.

Wendy got 10 extra minutes of love due to her stubbornness and her enjoyment of all the attention she was getting.

With two shots of sedative in her Wendy fell fast asleep.

And then the last shot was administered which stopped her fierce, beating heart.

Losing Wendy was difficult.

My dogs have always been an extension of the son I lost to cancer in 1998.

Their presence in my life symbolizes hope, unconditional love, and the bond between a parent and a “child.”

I have been blessed as Wendy’s caretaker, to have been given nearly 9 years with this AMAZING dog and I will hold onto all the precious memories I have of her.

I love you Wendy.



Some of you know the story of Mac, the incredible white German shepherd my ex-husband rescued for me when we lost our oldest son to cancer.

That dog brought me back to life and saved me when I was at my lowest, deepest point of suffering.

Mac died when he fell out my truck window onto Highway 80 when the boys and I were coming home from a camping trip.

I remember watching him fall in my rearview mirror and also seeing my 60 pound, 7 year old son desperately trying to hold on to him.

I thought that perhaps my son was falling out the window too.

You can’t imagine the horror I experienced.

My son stayed safely in the car but sadly, Mac was killed while getting off the freeway (10 years to the day after my oldest son died).

We’d just finished up a LOVELY vacation at the Yuba River with my Uncle Donald, Aunt Stacey, and my cousins Jennifer, Travis, Bella, Matt, and Nick.

It was amazing.

Today, I was reminded that when it was my turn to swing on the rope and fall 8 feet into the water, I was chicken.

I didn’t want to jump.

And Mac stood by my side and waited with me while I worked up the courage. . .


And only after I jumped did he follow suit and jump in with me.

He was an amazing dog.

And I feel lucky that I somehow managed to take this picture of him THE VERY MORNING OF THE DAY HE DIED.

The last picture I ever took of him.

And I’d like to think that in the afterlife, he is playing in the water, in the sun, surrounded by family.

I love you Mac.  You are not forgotten!


Dogs make me bold

wendygirlGenerally, I am fairly shy when it comes to approaching men because:

  1. I don’t know if they like me, and
  2. I’m never sure if they’re single.

The two notable exceptions to this rule are:

When I stood on the seat in a hot tub to show a male friend my hip tattoos, thereby thrusting my naked crotch in his face, and

When I told a guy (on a dare) in a bar in downtown San Jose that I was going to go home and masturbate thinking about him. That got his attention QUICK!

In any case, for the most part I let the men do the approaching but I’ve discovered something that makes me bold and eases the way for me to approach a man.


Yes, dogs.

I have a dog. A big white German shepherd named Wendy who is literally the most rambunctious dog I’ve ever had. I heart her.

The other day, I saw a profile pic for another burner, someone I’d never met. He was handsome and his profile pic included – get this – a WHITE GERMAN SHEPHERD.

Yes folks, we own clones of each other’s dogs.

So I clicked on his profile.


So I clicked to add him as a friend.

And he added me!


So now we’re friends.

Then, I was surfing through the South Bay Beer Hounds posts when I came across a guy with black dogs. The polar opposite of what I have.

And I was smitten with those pooches. Plus the guy was rather good looking as well.

So I added him as a friend and explained that I liked his dogs when he added me back.

Unfortunately during the conversation he conspicuously used the pronoun “WE” which let me know he’s not single, but hey… more friends is always a good thing.

So there you have it.

Dogs make me bold.



The post where my dog ALMOST got attacked

I took Wendy for a walk in my neighborhood.

I was across the street from a house with people out front. Their golden retriever was off leash and decided to bark at Wendy and charge the edge of the property. I kept Wendy walking forward. She looked at the other dog but she didn’t react. She’s learning her manners. A month ago Wendy would not have ignored the challenge. She would have inflicted some serious damage to the retriever.

Then… I KID YOU NOT…. the owner of the retriever actually COMPLIMENTED his dog for charging us.


I would NEVER, EVER compliment my dog for displaying aggression. And I would be horrified if she charged someone taking their dog for a walk past my house.


Because I have a wicked streak, I was half tempted to march Wendy across the street…

“Hello there stupid golden retriever, meet my fearless german shepherd!”

Of course, that would be very bad for Wendy’s training, but don’t think I haven’t mentally berated that owner for being an idiot.

Hula hoops and swimming pools

I have been trying and trying to hula hoop and failing miserably.


I went outside and hooped for 20 minutes straight and couldn’t get that fucking hula hoop to go around me.

It would drop to the ground within seconds.

Well, Tuesday evening Breaker came over to my house and fixed all that.

He took one look at my hula hoop, told me it was way too advanced for me, and got me started hooping on one of his hoops. My hoop is the smallest in the pic below:

FullSizeRender(10)You can imagine my relief when I found myself capable of hula hooping.

I learned to hula hoop around my waist, around my hand, around my body. I learned to move while I hula hooped… not easy, btw.

After all the hooping, Breaker showed me some of his moves.

IMG_7034It’s rather incredible to see a hoop performance. It requires balance and timing and excellent hooping skills. I was impressed that after only 45 minutes, Breaker had me hooping like I knew what I was doing.

Sort of.

Anyhow, after the hoop lesson, Breaker and I took to the pool and floated around in the bathtub-like water while the sun slowly set behind us.

IMG_7041We talked about relationships, the playa, and Burning Man.

Breaker had clever insights into my own struggles and I found his company very charming and witty.

My darling dog Wendy finally figured out a way into the pool by going under the fence, and she joined us for a swim.

Finally, my boys came out to cover the pool and Breaker and I went inside to continue our chat.

All in all, it was a great evening with wonderful company. I greatly admire Breaker’s talent with hula hoops and I hope I progress myself to be able to put on a show for my friends and loved ones at Burning Man.

First step is to get a decent hula hoop for me to use.

Anyone know where I can get one?

She’s crafty!

I know this is very exciting for all of you.

I can scarce contain myself as well.

You see, this weekend I took a class on how to crochet.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that it’s not like me at all to do something quite so domestic.

Well, I’ll have you know I have quite the domestic side to me – I like to cook (when I have time), and quilt (when I have money), and knit (when I have a boyfriend).

I guess a little explaining is in order… the only thing I know how to knit is the Boyfriend Hat by Stephanie Likes to Knit. Therefore I knit when I have a boyfriend to make a hat for. So far, I’ve only made two.

‘Nuff said.

Here is the lovely yarn shop in Santa Cruz where I learned to crochet.

Here is the lovely shop pooch who kept me company while I struggled with my piece.

And here is my GODAWFUL piece, dropped stitches and all.

Try not to get too excited.

It’s not like I’m planning on quitting my day job just yet and becoming a professional crochet artist.

Though I can imagine that given a little practice I could make a pretty cool kerchief top for Burning Man.

I know! I just can’t get through a post without mentioning Burning Man.

Can you believe me?!

Don’t worry, a post on my tour of the San Francisco Armory is coming up soon.