Hugs needed

I’m missing my Burning Man community something fierce.

I’ve managed to keep in touch with some people, like Nadine and Tejas, but overall I’m missing the camaraderie of the larger burner community.

There used to be get togethers every week, it felt like.

Now, we’re all sheltering in place in our own personal spaces, missing one another.

I for one can’t wait until the Shelter in Place order is lifted and small group gatherings are permitted.

More than anything, I DREAM about having a weekend campout, perhaps at a certain nudist resort in the Santa Cruz Mountains, with my friends.

I have costumes to test out, after all.

And I have free hugs to give (and receive).

Plus, there’s naked swimming and naked pool volleyball to be had.

I can just picture myself lounging in the hot tub, tasty beverage in hand, laughing with friends.

I suppose this is all just a way to say I miss everyone I used to see regularly at Burner events and I can’t wait to share hugs and affection with them when we do gather together again.

It’s hard to believe we won’t be at Burning Man together in 11 weeks.

Normally, I’d be in the throes of preparation for my trip but instead I’m just reorganizing supplies and dreaming of TTITD.

Hugs needed.

I’m lonely.

I Dream of Farms

I’ve learned a few lessons already from the corona virus, like always keep a supply of tampons in the house.

You never know when your peri-menopausal uterus will start functioning again and surprise you.

Of course, I’ll take a surprise period over a SURPRISE BABY any day.

I learned something else.

I want to own chickens.

Yes, I live on an acre and there’s plenty of space for chickens.

I have a thing about eggs.

I’m worried about running out of eggs and something about running out of eggs makes me panic (just a little).

I also discovered that I want to hoard toilet paper and propane.

Ironic, huh?

But part of my paranoia about getting my period while sheltering at home is that I’m scared I’ll go through toilet paper too quickly.

So back to the chickens. . .

I want some.

And despite the fact that right now I worry that I’m DESTINED to wind up alone and single, I will say this:

The key to my heart?

My own chicken coop.

In addition to being the perfect man.

More than anything, I want to roll up my sleeves, breakout some 2’ x 4’s and wire cutters and BUILD a chicken coop.

I dream about waking up in the morning and picking out fresh eggs from my backyard chickens.

It’s funny what we fantasize about.

I dream of farms.

Dreaming of Burning Man

the manSo I’m pretty much resigned to the fact that I’m not going to Burning Man 2016.

I’m still a little traumatized from 2015. I can’t look at pictures without feeling this immense sadness in me.

So how would I feel if I went back?

I’m not sure.

In any case, despite this, my psyche seems compelled to make me think about it. In the last week, I’ve had three vivid dreams about Burning Man and each time, I had the distinct thought, “oh yeah, how could I have even THOUGHT I didn’t want to go back to Burning Man?!”

In the first dream, there was a full size ice cream bar on the playa passing out scoops of ice cream.

Yeah, TOTALLY REALISTIC.

In another dream I was wearing a full length pink tutu ball gown and walking the streets of Black Rock City handing out lube to passers by.

Hmmmm.

But even WEIRDER, I had a dream that I RAN INTO MY PARENTS AT BURNING MAN. And the playa had it’s own Costco.

So there you have it.

Maybe I’ll go. Maybe I won’t.

Jury is still out.

But if my dreams have anything to say about it, it looks like I want to go back.

Just Say Yes

Just say yes.

It’s something I remind myself every time I’m faced with a challenging situation and I want to chicken out.  Every time I tell myself “there’s no way you could do that.”  I pause, take a moment to consider my motivation in declining whatever challenge lays before me.  And then I remake my decision based on what I would do if I didn’t limit myself or be afraid of failing.

Ask yourself what you would do if you knew your couldn’t fail.  I’ll bet you’d do a hell of a lot more with your life that you currently are doing.

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That’s why I’ve flown airplanes, skydived, kayaked with whales, driven a race car, white water rafted, taken a beer making class, learned to OM, and run with the bulls.  Hell, it’s even the reason why I have gone out with some men.  It’s even motivated me to have sex when my motivation to not is that I’m afraid of looking bad or appearing undesirable.

And you know, that voice in my head is getting quieter and quieter the more I challenge my boundaries.  The less I restrict myself the more growth I see.  And I feel like YES!  I’m finally becoming the ME I’m supposed to BE.  Fearless.  Strong.  Extraordinary.

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