I was going to be good. . .

I was going to be good.

I had it all planned out in my head.

I was going to wear my red and purple dress to my cousin’s wedding in October.

I even bought a little red and purple fascinator to go with it.

But then I wore the dress on a date (a disaster of a date, if you ask me).

And it struck me that for a wedding, it was AWFULLY low cut.

Maybe too much so.

I mean, I don’t want to be remembered as the cousin who had her tatas hanging out while her cousin got married.

I can just hear the gossip now.

“Who’s Michelle?”

“You know, she was the one in the really low cut dress. . .”

“Oh right. Tacky.”

My Aunt Xondra has informed me that if she gets married, she’s making me wear a turtleneck.

So it seems I have a bit of a reputation for this sort of thing.

Therefore, I bought a dress at Nordstrom to wear to the wedding.

A lavender floral dress.

Isn’t it pretty?

And not the least bit low cut.

Demure, even.

I also bought a teeny tiny fascinator to go with the dress.

So even though the plan was to not spend money, I did spend a wee bit on a new outfit.

I was going to be good.

But being bad is so much better!

 

Good enough for British aristocracy

I AM GOING TO A WEDDING!

In case you didn’t know, weddings are my favorite weekend activity.

And this one is great because IT’S MY COUSIN getting married!

And I’m staying in a nice hotel!

And I’m bringing one of my sons!

You’d think, as a chronically single woman I would HATE weddings.

But you’d be wrong.

I love them!

I love seeing couples share their wedding vows with family and friends.

I love seeing the guests all dolled up in their finest.

I love the focus on love conquering all and emerging triumphant over loneliness.

It gives me hope for my own personal life.

Perhaps someday soon, I too will meet a man who captures my heart.

But until that time, I will have to be satisfied attending other people’s weddings.

I have a BEAUTIFUL red and purple maxi dress that I plan to wear to the wedding.

It’s got a plunging neckline, it’s wedding-appropriate, and I happen to love the bright vivid colors.

But what to wear with it?

And this is where I turn into crazy cousin Michelle with her unusual clothing selection and accessories.

I bought a fascinator to go with it:

If it’s good enough for the British aristocracy, then it’s good enough for me.

Of course, their hats are subdued and monochromatic while mine is colorful and wild.

But you know what?

I LOVE IT!

And I’m going to wear it.

Ashley Graham inspo

I have this new obsession with Ashley Graham.

She’s a plus-size model, one of the first to appear in Sports Illustrated.

There’s this picture of her that I absolutely ADORE:

Not only is her hair and makeup totally on point, but the OUTFIT is killer!

I could rock something like that.

So why not?

The body con black sleeveless midi dress by Fashion Nova ($19.99):

The white longsleeve plunge mesh bodysuit (30 GBP):

And, of course, the GORGEOUS eye-catching strappy black bra at Venus Swimwear ($39):

Think I could pull it off?

Well, call me a pancake and flip me over, I sure as hell think so.

Just add a pair of sky high black heels and some red lipstick and I’m ready to go!

Lesson Learned

I am notorious for buying outfits for themed events – such as the Star Wars Party or 80s Rock Stars Party – and then not trying the clothes on until just before the event.

Sometimes, this results in a few snafus.

For instance, I got this lovely dress for the Teal and Lavender Party.

I’m going to tell you right now, how I managed to find the PERFECT dress is a total mystery to me, but there you have it, a dress with TEAL and LAVENDER!

I snapped it up.

Unfortunately, it didn’t REALLY come in my size so I had to hope that the forgiving cut of the design would accommodate my curves.

There I am, getting dressed in the hotel and I try to slip on the dress and OH GOD, IT’S STUCK ON MY BOOBS.

Sure enough, the dress was long and flowing but the under slip was tight and form fitting and I SWEAR I HAD TO STUFF MY BOOBS INTO THAT SLIP LIKE I WAS STUFFING A WATERMELON INTO A SAUSAGE CASING.

Fortunately, it made wearing a bra totally unnecessary.

I turned to look at myself in the mirror and that’s when I noticed. . .

The dress was pretty much see-through.

Yup, if you stared at it, you could see everything – my panties, my lack of a bra, my nipples, even my flipping belly button!

Now, what you need to know is that I had a second dress with me.

A long tie dye maxi dress.

So I technically COULD HAVE changed into that.

But I was so determined that I was going to wear that beautiful ombre dress that I refused to change.

Instead I brought the second dress with me as a “wardrobe change.”

I spent most of the evening sitting in the shade at the party, trying to hide my nakedness from the partygoers.

Until it came time to jump in the hot tub.

Then the clothes came off. . .

Tie Dye vs Ombre

Don’t you just LOVE Geminis?

I know I do.

I grew up with one (my sister).

They are incredibly loyal and fiercely protective of those they love.

But Geminis have two sides to them and you do not want to cross them.

You’ll feel the heat.

I will be celebrating another Gemini’s birthday this weekend.

MotherP is having a birthday celebration.

The theme is her favorite colors – teal and lavender.

All my lavender and teal clothes are “work appropriate” and not exactly “party material” so of course I had to go shopping for something better.

I found this tie dye dress which seemed to fit the bill.

But it’s coming from Hong Kong, which means sizing and on time delivery are questionable so I HAD to get a backup dress:

This one I LOVE.

It’s so pretty with all it’s colors bleeding into each other.

Way more subtle transitions than tie dye.

Of course, I’m not sure the fascinator hat I bought will work with BOTH outfits:

Which one do you like?

Rainbow Bright

I have fallen in love.

No, it’s not what you’re thinking.

I’m not quitting my job and moving to Sweden.

Oh, my Swedish is ATROCIOUS!

No.

I’ve fallen in love with a summer dress.

Don’t you just love it too?

I have a fundraiser coming up and I’ve decided I’m going to wear it for the fundraiser.

I bought a pair of yellow heels:

And a cute little yellow flower fascinator to wear.

I’m not sure why I get captured by outfits the way I do.

I’m going to a Village meeting this Saturday and I’m wearing a steampunk outfit to that:

But this rainbow striped dress?

So lovely!

Pilgrim Costume Part Deux

Drat!

I lost my pilgrim costume.

I’ve looked ALL OVER and I can’t find it.

On the other hand, I did discover a gypsy costume I totally forgot I had.

And I found my black PVC vinyl collection which I stroked gently before I put it away.

It’s the little thrills that get me.

Anyhow, so here I am two days away from the Pilgrim’s Pub Crawl and I have no costume.

Fortunately, my friend Chris is going to help me out.

But. . .

I also went online and reordered all the stuff I lost.

The brown dress:

The stripper cuffs (yes, they’re really called that):

The black belt (more modern than I would like but oh well):

A capelet, pleasingly plain and boring:

And a demure white apron:

And finally, a really demure, and quite virginal white bonnet. Watch and see if I don’t burst into flames when I put it on!

So there you have it – round 2 of the Pilgrim costume.

Maybe one of these years I’ll actually get to wear it.

Sigh!

The Playful Pilgrim

Last year, some friends hosted a Pilgrim Bar Crawl in Downtown Mountain View which I missed out on attending.

Costumes were OPTIONAL, however being the creative people that we are, many people dressed up as turkeys and pilgrims.

One woman even MADE A SKIRT OUT OF STUFFED TURKEYS!

It was incredible.

So incredible, I’m determined to put together a costume for this year’s Thanksgiving Pub Crawl.

THIS costume was my inspiration:

pilgrimI managed to find a brown dress on Amazon, which will fit nicely over my white petticoat.

pilgrim-dress pilgrim-petticoat

 

Then I bought a little tiny white apron:

pilgrim-apron

And a black belt with an antique silver buckle:

pilgrim-beltPlus a black capelet with a demure little white collar attached:

pilgrim-capeletAnd a white bonnet which makes me feel like Strawberry Shortcake:

pilgrim-bonnetAnd finally, the white wrist cuffs:

pilgrim-cuffs3I debated on buying real white/black BDSM cuffs, just to be cheeky and make the costume a bit edgy but in the end I opted for the more prim plain white cuffs.

pilgrim-cuffs2So there you have it – a pilgrim costume just for this pub crawl.

Should be TONS OF FUN!

pilgrim-costume

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Happy Birthday Tejas!

Tejas turns 56 today! Or something like that.

We are celebrating with a Great Gatsby (The Roaring 20s) party this weekend.

My dress:

IMG_8731My headband:

FullSizeRender(1)And my hair:

gatsby1Great Gatsby (aka flapper) style hair is challenging for long hair since so many of the hairstyles of that time were short bobs, and cropped close to the head.

Women feminized the look by creating soft waves in their hair.

I went online to find out how to give myself finger waves and discovered that IT WAS COMPLICATED.

Way above my hairstyle IQ.

Then I found a post about a WAVING IRON which basically does almost the same thing without all the investment in hair pins and clamps.

So I snapped one up on Amazon Prime.

And it worked!

Woo!

As my mom said, “Just add some red lipstick, a flapper dress and thigh highs with a Great Gatsby man and you will Charleston the night away.”

I can do something about the lipstick but the man, well that’s another story…

Great Gatsby: The Roaring 20’s

Tejas and Twisty are having a joint birthday party and the theme is Great Gatsby: The Roaring 20’s.

I personally am less than thrilled with an era when dress necklines were decorous and proper.

But that’s only because some of my most beautiful assets are best viewed with low décolleté.

Nevertheless, I am happy to celebrate with Tejas and Twisty.

I’ve pulled together (ANOTHER) costume and I’m quite excited about it. I hope it looks as good on me as it does on the computer (yes, I am an internet shopper).

First, there’s a gorgeous cream colored dress with fringe.

IMG_8731Then there’s a lovely headband, complete with feathers and sequins.

FullSizeRender(1)Not sure I have flapper shoes, but I’ll come up with something. I’m NOT BUYING dowdy kitten heel shoes to wear with my outfit. I’m just not.

I’m trying to talk Tejas and Mary, his girlfriend, into serving a sophisticated cocktail with the regular bar fare.

Something like a Hemingway (made with Bacardi Limon, lime juice, Luxardo, and grapefruit juice), or an Aviation cocktail (made with gin, lemon juice, Luxardo, and Crème de Violette).

Cocktail making is labor intensive, but oh-so-representative of the Roaring 20s.

But since it is so labor intensive, we may go with a punch instead of individual cocktails.

Either way, I’m destined to have fun.

Cheers!