Please stop eating BEFORE you hate yourself.
And have a very HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
From my little family to yours.
I have a new fetish.
I JUST discovered this.
This is in addition to black vinyl lingerie and neoprene wetsuits.
While browsing Instagram, I discovered that I like to watch other people eating food.
There’s the whole WORLD out there where women (and men, but usually women) loudly eat food in front of a camera.
It’s crazy I know, but I can’t look away.
Who discovered this stuff, is what I want to know.
So there I am, browsing Instagram when ANOTHER video comes on which TOTALLY CAPTIVATES me.
That’s right, I like videos of people squishing and folding slime with their hands.
I know it’s odd.
My friend Nathan told me as much.
He asked, “How high are you?” when I sent him links to the videos I was watching.
Not at all, but that’s besides the point.
I was floored that he too, wasn’t enthralled with the videos.
And then it happened.
I came across a mash up video of slimy things and eating food, and my life was complete.
Okay, so I lost 13 pounds in three weeks then proceeded to gain 1 pound back.
Apparently you can’t binge drink beer on a pub crawl and expect to lose weight.
Anyhow, it’s not been an easy road these last two weeks.
With mom in the hospital and my anxiety/stress kicking into overtime, I’ve been eating (and OH GOD, DRINKING!) to comfort myself.
Gin and tonics.
MANY of them (followed by a sobbing call to the BFF to cry about my mom).
Thankfully, I seem to have recovered from my misdeeds.
I’m back on the diet, eating bars and sucking down protein shakes.
Occasionally I go off plan and eat an egg (or three) and pickles.
Oh, and boy do I love the occasional mozzarella stick!
I could fantasize about food for PAGES, but I won’t.
I know how you all think I’m perfect and this may come as a shock to you, but I fucking screw up a lot.
This blog ain’t called unblunder for no reason. . .