New fetish

I have a new fetish.

I JUST discovered this.

This is in addition to black vinyl lingerie and neoprene wetsuits.

While browsing Instagram, I discovered that I like to watch other people eating food.

There’s the whole WORLD out there where women (and men, but usually women) loudly eat food in front of a camera.

It’s crazy I know, but I can’t look away.

Who discovered this stuff, is what I want to know.

So there I am, browsing Instagram when ANOTHER video comes on which TOTALLY CAPTIVATES me.

Slime.

That’s right, I like videos of people squishing and folding slime with their hands.

I know it’s odd.

My friend Nathan told me as much.

He asked, “How high are you?” when I sent him links to the videos I was watching.

Not at all, but that’s besides the point.

I was floored that he too, wasn’t enthralled with the videos.

And then it happened.

I came across a mash up video of slimy things and eating food, and my life was complete.

Screw Up

Okay, so I lost 13 pounds in three weeks then proceeded to gain 1 pound back.

Apparently you can’t binge drink beer on a pub crawl and expect to lose weight.

Who knew?

Anyhow, it’s not been an easy road these last two weeks.

With mom in the hospital and my anxiety/stress kicking into overtime, I’ve been eating (and OH GOD, DRINKING!) to comfort myself.

Sigh.

Fried chicken.

Pizza.

Gin and tonics.

MANY of them (followed by a sobbing call to the BFF to cry about my mom).

Thankfully, I seem to have recovered from my misdeeds.

I’m back on the diet, eating bars and sucking down protein shakes.

Occasionally I go off plan and eat an egg (or three) and pickles.

Oh, and boy do I love the occasional mozzarella stick!

I could fantasize about food for PAGES, but I won’t.

I know how you all think I’m perfect and this may come as a shock to you, but I fucking screw up a lot.

A LOT!

This blog ain’t called unblunder for no reason. . .

This is my spawn

I caught Gavin eating his breakfast over a garbage can this morning.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Well, I didn’t want to dirty a plate and I didn’t want to get crumbs in my room…” he explained.

Sounds like successful parenting to me!

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