Not so fast, etsy

Honestly.

You do ONE SEARCH for a flower crown and suddenly etsy thinks you’re a BRIDE-TO-BE.

Not so, etsy.

Sorry to disappoint but there are no impending nuptials.

Honestly, I’ve always liked the feature in etsy which recommends products for you.

Most of the time, they get it RIGHT.

But occasionally, they get it really, REALLY wrong.

Like the time I bought a spiked leather collar for a dominatrix costume.

Nevermind if dominatrixes don’t wear collars.

This one looked mean and no one could come near me in it for fear of getting spiked!

Well, after I bought that collar, etsy sent me a shit ton of BDSM gear on their site.

Who knew etsy was such a resource for the alternative community?

Then, there was the time I bought statement earrings on etsy.

Big, pendulous and eye-catching, they were exactly what I needed.

Etsy thought I was a black woman and proceeded to advertise tribal prints, statement necklaces, and hair care products to me.

This time around, I searched for a flower crown to wear in Florida.

Sure enough, I found one.

But now etsy thinks I’m getting MARRIED!

If anything, I’m further away from taking vows than I was when I first got divorced.

Not for me, etsy.

Not for me.

Shopping for the Burn

I’ve been on etsy.

Scoping out the site for some awesome new threads to wear at Burning Man.

And etsy never disappoints.

There’s always something there to tantalize me.

I bought a GORGEOUS peacock kimono:

It made me think of a dear friend whose favorite color is peacock blue so I’m going to build a whole outfit around this peacock kimono and wear it in her honor.

Then I bought these cool, cut-out booty shorts.

I got them because they’re versatile, breezy, and I’ve already got the nude thongs to wear with them.

LOL

My final purchase was a pair of stained-glass skull leggings.

Now, I’m not much of a skull person.

I sort of leave that to my sister – she’s got a large sugar skull tattoo on her left arm.

But I simply fell in love with this design.

I imagine I’ll pair it with some sort of crochet black tank top and call it a day.

I’m trying to keep my wardrobe for the burn down to a minimum because I’ve got to be very conscientious of how much I bring when it’s me riding in someone else’s car.

Swimsuits, shorts and tank tops will be my bread and butter when I’m out on the playa.

Oh!

My final purchase off of (can you believe it!) Poshmark (a vintage/used clothing shop which is questionably vintage/used clothes and more like a cheap Chinese clothes market) is a flames backpack.

So PERFECT for the Burn!

Collars up the wazoo

Honestly.

You buy one teensy weensy little collar and all of a sudden etsy SLAMS you with ads for BDSM accouterments.

collarFirst of all, I wasn’t even AWARE that there’s something out there called “Kitten Play.”

Although I imagine it’s probably a lot like “Puppy Play” which I have heard of.

I’m not into Furries, though.

I would likely NEVER wear a collar that says “Kitten.” Too soft and girly for me.

Personally, I’d go with “Fucktoy.”

OMG, I can’t believe I wrote that.

Too much honesty?

In any case, I bought a white leather collar to wear with my white wizard outfit.

collarAnd then I bought a rainbow chainmail collar with a heart hanging off it for my rainbow outfits.

collar rainbowAnd oh yeah, I bought a unicorn collar, just for shits and giggles.

collarSo I guess etsy isn’t too far off in recommending collars for me. I certainly seem to be acquiring quite a few for my collection.

Can’t wait to wear at SoulFire!

Fondle my bunny tail

It’s been a while since I role played.

Like years.

It’s not that I have anything against it.

It’s just that usually I’m in such a hurry to GET BUSY that I don’t have the time to make up a story and act it out.

Not at all.

I lack that feminine detail, I guess.

I’m always running to the fucking finish line, oblivious that there’s actual beauty to be observed and enjoyed on the path there.

Well, etsy is now trying to encourage me to role play by selecting favorites that are. . . ummm. . .how can I put this?

Out of this world?

Well, out of this SPECIES to say the least.

I’m pretty sure all this happened because I was looking for bunny ears for the Pagan Bunny Burn.

Or maybe because I bought latex pasties for a costume.

Either way, I now have animal-themed leather BDSM masks popping up in my favorites.

Bunny.

Mouse.

Cat.

To tell you the truth, I WAS tempted by the bunny, but not because I want someone to scratch my belly and feed me carrots.

No.

More like because it adds a certain ELEMENT to my bunny costume.

A sort of wicked, let-me-tempt-you, fondle my bunny tail kinda way.

Skinny

I am trying to get ready for Burning Man.

Now that I’ve done it a few years in a row, that means organizing my gear and buying new outfits.

Guess which one is my favorite thing to do?

Buy outfits, of course!

I live on etsy when I’m planning my wardrobe for Burning Man.

You just can’t beat etsy when it comes to rave/dystopian/tribal clothes and accessories.

This year I’m having trouble though.

I’m losing weight.

And it’s really hard to predict what size I will be when Burning Man comes around.

Do you see my dilemma?

I REALLY want to shop but my hands are tied.

I’m guessing the weight is going to come off slowly so I’m only buying clothes one size smaller than I am right now.

Instead of buying an XL, I’m getting the L.

But Burning Man is 7 months from now and that is a long time to diet (my program runs 18 months).

And HOPEFULLY I’ll be MUCH smaller than I am now.

There are worse things in the world than having to resize your clothes because you’re SKINNIER!

Etsy LOVE

It comes as no surprise to ANYONE that I LOVE etsy.

Just like that, in ALL CAPS.

It’s my favorite shopping site on the internet on account of I’m a wierdo and a freak and etsy has lots of weird and freaky shit.

We were MFEO (made for each other).

So I killed about 4 hours looking through 250 pages of “Burning Man Accessories” on the site today and here’s the top 12 I found, in no particular order:

Way awesome sunglasses!  I can practically see some 20 something year old hot guy in spandex wearing these and ROCKING THEM!

Dude!  Retro goggles!  Love the wrap around look and vintage feel!  Would look totally cool on the playa!Tribal clothing.  Love the faux fur and the cloth strips hanging down.  Feather could be MOOPY so watch out!Fuzzy bike seat cover!  Totally awesome.  I’d love to ride around the playa sitting on THIS!Feather Safari Bandit Mask – but not REAL feathers so it’s MOOP-approved!

I believe there’s a picture out there of a man wearing an ENTIRE MIRROR SUIT at Burning Man.  This is the more-affordable, less weighty option.

A bodychain with real gemstones.  Gorgeous.  Looks even better naked but can totally rock this look in my white wizard dress.

Lights are always an afterthought for me, depite how much Tejas drives home the concept of LIGHING YOUR FUCKING SELF UP!  This I love.  I can throw it on and go.  Darkward status avoided.

Because I’m a girl and I like girly things.  ‘Nuff said.

Very cool playa gift.  I wish I could make these and give them away.

Hair falls AND dread locks?!  OMG, perfect.  Real hair is overrated on the playa and looks like a rat’s nest after only 6 hours.  Go with the fake shit!Well, I love these pasties but they’re glitter so they’re a BIG NO-NO on the playa.  Still, had to show them off!

Tell me which ones you like. . .

All these images link to their webpage on etsy so if you’re inspired to buy, go ahead!

My blog contains no affiliate links.

Save

Save

Save

Red Horny Devil

So.

I got invited to a Good ‘n Bad themed burner (as in Burning Man) potluck birthday party.

Naturally, I bought my costume MONTHS ago.

I got myself a naughty nun costume.

nunPERFECT for me since I sway between abstinence and nymphomania.

Well, the other day I tried to put the costume on.

TRIED, being the operative word here.

The sleeves wouldn’t even fit over my WRISTS!

Now, I’m not sure what size body the costume was DESIGNED for, but I’m pretty sure it’s not an XL like it says on the label.

Not one bit.

Needless to say, I was back at square one.

Time to come up with something different.

And fast!

So I poked around in my closet and found this lovely red dress I’ve never worn WHICH FITS MY BODY.

rred dressAnd then I scoured etsy (my FAVORITE place to shop for eccentricities) for red devil horns and I found these for a mere $8.

PERFECT!

red hornsSo there you have it, a RED HORNY DEVIL costume for $8.

Am I awesome, or what?

Save

Save

Stinky Man and Campfire

michelleNow.

I think that the sexiest scent out there is dirty man.

You know what I’m talking about ladies. . .

. . . that smell a man gets when he’s been working and his deodorant has been stretched to it’s limit?

Yeah, that’s the smell I’m talking about.

Man, pure and simple.

Well, I’ve discovered another scent which I find ALMOST as attractive.

Bonfire.

Yes, that smell your clothes get when you’ve been sitting around the campfire chatting with your family and friends.

You don’t really smell it at the time but when you go to wash your clothes later and you catch a whiff of that burned wood and smoke scent, you have to bury your face in your dirty sweatshirt and BREATHE DEEPLY.

That’s what I’m talking about.

CAMPFIRE!

And now, according to Etsy, I can buy campfire scented candles and wax tarts to scent my bedroom JUST LIKE A CAMPFIRE.

Now all I need is the borderline stinky man to enjoy the campfire with, eh?

Latex farts

Etsy has a feature where it takes your browsing history and makes “suggestions” for other things you might like.

I’ve always enjoyed this feature since I get to see things similar to what I search for but that I never found.

Pretty cool.

So imagine my surprise when, given my recent “pasties” browsing session, etsy started suggesting latex clothes for me to wear.

Really?

Isn’t the leap from pasties to latex lingerie a bit far?

Of course, I had my own adventure with latex underwear to, as I like to call it, “a chorus of latex farts.”

Despite this, I actually LIKE latex.

However I doubt that it will look stunningly awesome on me.

More like a sausage poured into a cocktail straw – it’s all in there but it’s spilling out and busting at the seams.

Nevertheless, here are some of the looks etsy thinks I *might* like:

latex latex
latex latex

 

I sincerely doubt that latex is a good “fabric” for the playa.

All that heat and that dust must make for sticky fun – hence “a chorus of latex farts.”

I think I’m better off with clothes that breathe and are made of natural fibers.

But oh latex. . . how I do love thee!

If I could wear you, I would.

I heart etsy

It may come as no surprise to you that I am a BIG fan of etsy.  Huge!

With all the burner activities and parties that come up, etsy is my go-to resource for costumes and extras.  Check out some of my favorites below:

UV Reactive leggings.  If I was a flow artist, I’d be all over these…

etsy1

Again, with the UV reactive Cyberlox.  Awesome and full of color.

etsy2

Mermaid hair falls.  I love these, but at $395 they’re out of my price range.etsy3

Ear cuff.  Totally gorgeous.  Would love to wear this to a festival.  Not Burning Man safe (feathers are MOOP).etsy4

I love these earrings because they have a bit of everything thrown into them.etsy5

Rhinestone ribbon trim.  For my hat.etsy6

Rainbow tutu with 60 LED lights.  I bought this, I just couldn’t pass it up.etsy7

Wings.  And pretty reasonable priced ones for what they are.

etsy8

An awesome spring wig.  Because someone is going to throw a French Renaissance party and I can’t wait to look like Marie Antionette.  We share the same birthday!

etsy9

Wha!  Dude, this is AWESOME!  A pirate hat with a pirate ship ON IT!

etsy10

So you know, if you’re looking for something unique and special, there’s no better place to go than etsy.  I swear the most creative artists get online there to sell their crafts and it’s mind-boggling how incredibly talented they are.

If you’re limited only by your imagination, then these artists are SOARING!