Customization

So I got a hat for a Burning Man outfit.

It’s a camel colored felt hat with matching hat band:

I like the bohemian feel of the hat but I don’t like the matchy-match-ness of the hat band.

So I went online to etsy and found an artist who creates custom hat bands and I purchased one of theirs to go with the hat:

I like the natural fibers and the rustic feel of this hat band more than I like the other.

It should go very nicely with my felt hat, which in turn will be great at keeping the sun off my head and out of my eyes.

Check out the full outfit:

Hopefully, it won’t be too much for the weather at Burning Man, but I imagine with a skirt that’s as ventilated as the one I’m wearing I’ll be just fine.

 

Single AF

Let’s face it, not very many people like Valentine’s Day. So if it’s got you down, here’s a girl’s guide to surviving THE WORST holiday ever created.

 

Remember to celebrate your friends with an appropriately worded card:

Don’t forget you can always “opt out” of the holiday entirely:

But if you want to still be a part of the holiday, don’t fret.  Everyone knows LOVE SUCKS:

Plenty of other people have black hearts on Valentine’s Day:

So you might as well ADORN yourself with the sentiment:

Don’t be afraid to express how you feel:

Really put it out there:

So that everyone can see:

And remember to celebrate what makes you happy:

Because you are a BAD ASS BITCH:

There’s no such thing as PERFECT so learn to COMPROMISE:

Don’t be afraid to celebrate life’s little adequacies:

Ultimately, you are EVERYTHING you need:

And remember, I’m not yours. You’re not mine. Be my Anti-Valentine:

Not so fast, etsy

Honestly.

You do ONE SEARCH for a flower crown and suddenly etsy thinks you’re a BRIDE-TO-BE.

Not so, etsy.

Sorry to disappoint but there are no impending nuptials.

Honestly, I’ve always liked the feature in etsy which recommends products for you.

Most of the time, they get it RIGHT.

But occasionally, they get it really, REALLY wrong.

Like the time I bought a spiked leather collar for a dominatrix costume.

Nevermind if dominatrixes don’t wear collars.

This one looked mean and no one could come near me in it for fear of getting spiked!

Well, after I bought that collar, etsy sent me a shit ton of BDSM gear on their site.

Who knew etsy was such a resource for the alternative community?

Then, there was the time I bought statement earrings on etsy.

Big, pendulous and eye-catching, they were exactly what I needed.

Etsy thought I was a black woman and proceeded to advertise tribal prints, statement necklaces, and hair care products to me.

This time around, I searched for a flower crown to wear in Florida.

Sure enough, I found one.

But now etsy thinks I’m getting MARRIED!

If anything, I’m further away from taking vows than I was when I first got divorced.

Not for me, etsy.

Not for me.

Shopping for the Burn

I’ve been on etsy.

Scoping out the site for some awesome new threads to wear at Burning Man.

And etsy never disappoints.

There’s always something there to tantalize me.

I bought a GORGEOUS peacock kimono:

It made me think of a dear friend whose favorite color is peacock blue so I’m going to build a whole outfit around this peacock kimono and wear it in her honor.

Then I bought these cool, cut-out booty shorts.

I got them because they’re versatile, breezy, and I’ve already got the nude thongs to wear with them.

LOL

My final purchase was a pair of stained-glass skull leggings.

Now, I’m not much of a skull person.

I sort of leave that to my sister – she’s got a large sugar skull tattoo on her left arm.

But I simply fell in love with this design.

I imagine I’ll pair it with some sort of crochet black tank top and call it a day.

I’m trying to keep my wardrobe for the burn down to a minimum because I’ve got to be very conscientious of how much I bring when it’s me riding in someone else’s car.

Swimsuits, shorts and tank tops will be my bread and butter when I’m out on the playa.

Oh!

My final purchase off of (can you believe it!) Poshmark (a vintage/used clothing shop which is questionably vintage/used clothes and more like a cheap Chinese clothes market) is a flames backpack.

So PERFECT for the Burn!

Collars up the wazoo

Honestly.

You buy one teensy weensy little collar and all of a sudden etsy SLAMS you with ads for BDSM accouterments.

collarFirst of all, I wasn’t even AWARE that there’s something out there called “Kitten Play.”

Although I imagine it’s probably a lot like “Puppy Play” which I have heard of.

I’m not into Furries, though.

I would likely NEVER wear a collar that says “Kitten.” Too soft and girly for me.

Personally, I’d go with “Fucktoy.”

OMG, I can’t believe I wrote that.

Too much honesty?

In any case, I bought a white leather collar to wear with my white wizard outfit.

collarAnd then I bought a rainbow chainmail collar with a heart hanging off it for my rainbow outfits.

collar rainbowAnd oh yeah, I bought a unicorn collar, just for shits and giggles.

collarSo I guess etsy isn’t too far off in recommending collars for me. I certainly seem to be acquiring quite a few for my collection.

Can’t wait to wear at SoulFire!

Fondle my bunny tail

It’s been a while since I role played.

Like years.

It’s not that I have anything against it.

It’s just that usually I’m in such a hurry to GET BUSY that I don’t have the time to make up a story and act it out.

Not at all.

I lack that feminine detail, I guess.

I’m always running to the fucking finish line, oblivious that there’s actual beauty to be observed and enjoyed on the path there.

Well, etsy is now trying to encourage me to role play by selecting favorites that are. . . ummm. . .how can I put this?

Out of this world?

Well, out of this SPECIES to say the least.

I’m pretty sure all this happened because I was looking for bunny ears for the Pagan Bunny Burn.

Or maybe because I bought latex pasties for a costume.

Either way, I now have animal-themed leather BDSM masks popping up in my favorites.

Bunny.

Mouse.

Cat.

To tell you the truth, I WAS tempted by the bunny, but not because I want someone to scratch my belly and feed me carrots.

No.

More like because it adds a certain ELEMENT to my bunny costume.

A sort of wicked, let-me-tempt-you, fondle my bunny tail kinda way.

Skinny

I am trying to get ready for Burning Man.

Now that I’ve done it a few years in a row, that means organizing my gear and buying new outfits.

Guess which one is my favorite thing to do?

Buy outfits, of course!

I live on etsy when I’m planning my wardrobe for Burning Man.

You just can’t beat etsy when it comes to rave/dystopian/tribal clothes and accessories.

This year I’m having trouble though.

I’m losing weight.

And it’s really hard to predict what size I will be when Burning Man comes around.

Do you see my dilemma?

I REALLY want to shop but my hands are tied.

I’m guessing the weight is going to come off slowly so I’m only buying clothes one size smaller than I am right now.

Instead of buying an XL, I’m getting the L.

But Burning Man is 7 months from now and that is a long time to diet (my program runs 18 months).

And HOPEFULLY I’ll be MUCH smaller than I am now.

There are worse things in the world than having to resize your clothes because you’re SKINNIER!

Etsy LOVE

It comes as no surprise to ANYONE that I LOVE etsy.

Just like that, in ALL CAPS.

It’s my favorite shopping site on the internet on account of I’m a wierdo and a freak and etsy has lots of weird and freaky shit.

We were MFEO (made for each other).

So I killed about 4 hours looking through 250 pages of “Burning Man Accessories” on the site today and here’s the top 12 I found, in no particular order:

Way awesome sunglasses!  I can practically see some 20 something year old hot guy in spandex wearing these and ROCKING THEM!

Dude!  Retro goggles!  Love the wrap around look and vintage feel!  Would look totally cool on the playa!Tribal clothing.  Love the faux fur and the cloth strips hanging down.  Feather could be MOOPY so watch out!Fuzzy bike seat cover!  Totally awesome.  I’d love to ride around the playa sitting on THIS!Feather Safari Bandit Mask – but not REAL feathers so it’s MOOP-approved!

I believe there’s a picture out there of a man wearing an ENTIRE MIRROR SUIT at Burning Man.  This is the more-affordable, less weighty option.

A bodychain with real gemstones.  Gorgeous.  Looks even better naked but can totally rock this look in my white wizard dress.

Lights are always an afterthought for me, depite how much Tejas drives home the concept of LIGHING YOUR FUCKING SELF UP!  This I love.  I can throw it on and go.  Darkward status avoided.

Because I’m a girl and I like girly things.  ‘Nuff said.

Very cool playa gift.  I wish I could make these and give them away.

Hair falls AND dread locks?!  OMG, perfect.  Real hair is overrated on the playa and looks like a rat’s nest after only 6 hours.  Go with the fake shit!Well, I love these pasties but they’re glitter so they’re a BIG NO-NO on the playa.  Still, had to show them off!

Tell me which ones you like. . .

All these images link to their webpage on etsy so if you’re inspired to buy, go ahead!

My blog contains no affiliate links.

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Red Horny Devil

So.

I got invited to a Good ‘n Bad themed burner (as in Burning Man) potluck birthday party.

Naturally, I bought my costume MONTHS ago.

I got myself a naughty nun costume.

nunPERFECT for me since I sway between abstinence and nymphomania.

Well, the other day I tried to put the costume on.

TRIED, being the operative word here.

The sleeves wouldn’t even fit over my WRISTS!

Now, I’m not sure what size body the costume was DESIGNED for, but I’m pretty sure it’s not an XL like it says on the label.

Not one bit.

Needless to say, I was back at square one.

Time to come up with something different.

And fast!

So I poked around in my closet and found this lovely red dress I’ve never worn WHICH FITS MY BODY.

rred dressAnd then I scoured etsy (my FAVORITE place to shop for eccentricities) for red devil horns and I found these for a mere $8.

PERFECT!

red hornsSo there you have it, a RED HORNY DEVIL costume for $8.

Am I awesome, or what?

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Stinky Man and Campfire

michelleNow.

I think that the sexiest scent out there is dirty man.

You know what I’m talking about ladies. . .

. . . that smell a man gets when he’s been working and his deodorant has been stretched to it’s limit?

Yeah, that’s the smell I’m talking about.

Man, pure and simple.

Well, I’ve discovered another scent which I find ALMOST as attractive.

Bonfire.

Yes, that smell your clothes get when you’ve been sitting around the campfire chatting with your family and friends.

You don’t really smell it at the time but when you go to wash your clothes later and you catch a whiff of that burned wood and smoke scent, you have to bury your face in your dirty sweatshirt and BREATHE DEEPLY.

That’s what I’m talking about.

CAMPFIRE!

And now, according to Etsy, I can buy campfire scented candles and wax tarts to scent my bedroom JUST LIKE A CAMPFIRE.

Now all I need is the borderline stinky man to enjoy the campfire with, eh?