Go for it? Or not a snowball’s chance in hell?
I’ve been thinking about it recently so I decided to poll my friends on Facebook to get their opinions.
I’d like to say it was a polarized conversation but with the noted exception of my “Uncle Jamie” who replied, ” Do it til you shake the disease…. get it out of your system,” most of the responses were unfavorable.
My favorite was my cousin Jennifer who wrote, “Depends on the ex, but in your case NO.” Just like that, with caps and all. She explained herself, “I veto all your exes. Some more than others. Please remember there is a (good) reason that shit did not work out the first time.”
And my friend Michelle wrote, “Been there and done that. I guess it’s about whether or not you want to risk your heart. If you can “do it like a man” and keep it just fun then there isn’t any real harm. But if you truly loved this person and still have any of that spark left in you, it’s a dangerous place to go.”
Ain’t that the truth. Michelle really gets to the heart of the matter. Lingering feelings.
The truth is the only exes I could sleep with are the ones I don’t hate yet have no feelings for. Lord knows precious few of my exes meet that criteria. The irony is I’d hop back in the sack with the opposite – ones I still love and have feelings for. But there’s only one of those and I’m not going there.
As Jennifer put it, “You’re not so great at sex without feelings, lol. Too much passion in you, babe.”
And maybe she’s right. Maybe passion, once experienced, never truly goes away. We may be tempted to tap into it but doing so would be a mistake because the corresponding feelings come right back. And we are doomed to revisit the same mistake we made earlier.
It’s worth a mention that I decided to inquire about people’s feelings on the subject matter because so many of my friends were admitting to doing it. My friend Jenny wrote “I’ve done it over & over with my 1st love. Good stuff if you can leave emotions at the door. Otherwise, I wouldn’t recommend it. Never regretted it but regretted my emotional attachment. Fair warning but have fun!”
So despite the overwhelming “it’s a bad idea” vote, people are still doing it. They’re still pursing that last little bit of nookie from their ex. So we must not be taking our own advice.
Two posts worth mentioning…. Matt for suggesting inanimate objects are the better course of action and Steve (my ex) who just said, “Yay!”
So what have I learned from this little experiment?
I’ve learned that ex sex is ill-advised. I’ve learned that Facebook posts can be enlightening as well as entertaining. I’ve learned to trust my own instincts.
And I think my cousin Jennifer should have a weekly post on this blog where she dispenses her usual below-the-belt advice with a very sweet smile.