The first five

I’ve lost 5 pounds.

Normally, I wouldn’t blog about that but I’m trying to celebrate my milestones.

Five pounds.

Not too much to lose in 3 weeks, but just enough to encourage me to keep going.

How have I done it, you ask?

Eating healthy and exercise.

There’s no magic pill.

The first thing I did was stop drinking so much booze.

I allow myself one or two cocktails a week now, instead of one or two cocktails a day.

What a HUGE difference that makes.

I’ve also started eating more fruits and vegetables and have cut out most of the processed foods I used to eat.

I eat healthy snacks during the day, never letting myself get too hungry.

I’m still not great at drinking water instead of Diet Coke, but this is a work in progress so I’m not kicking myself in the ass for cracking open a cold Coke and downing it.

Oh, the other thing – I weight myself daily.

And I journal my food.

Basically, I’m doing all the stuff that’s supposed to be intuitive to losing weight but somehow is a huge challenge to overcome.

I’m not going to lie.

It’s not easy.

I miss being able to eat whatever I feel like.

But I know it’s time for change.

If for no other reason than I want to do a Spartan Race.

And I’m not in shape to do a Spartan Race right now.

So my reward for getting in shape?

A Spartan Race!

Fall down 7 times, get up 8

I’m almost ashamed to admit it but once again, I am working on losing weight.

Yes, I’ve tried before.

Yes, I’ve failed.

Many times, actually.

But you know what they say. . .

Fall down 7 times, get up 8.

So I’m getting up again and getting ready to work on it.

Again.

It’s made worse, of course, by the fact that my failures are so spectacularly catalogued by this website.

But I figure if I can admit to having a crush on a man I nicknamed “Coke Can Dan” then I can admit to something as personal as weight loss struggles.

This time around I’m trying Noom, a sort of guided weight loss program that sends me little reminders on my iPhone.

It also hooks me up with a counselor and a group of people trying to lose weight, just like me.

So far it hasn’t irritated the hell out of me, which is a good sign.

I’ve had a few realizations during the 5+ days I’ve been using the Noom app:

  1. I’m going to have to exercise.
  2. I’m going to need a pedometer to track my walking.
  3. I’m going to have to give up booze.

I’m already trying to stack the shelves in my cupboard with healthy alternative to carb-heavy foods like lasagna and cheese bread.

Cottage cheese, fresh fruit, hard boiled eggs, and grilled chicken.

I’ve also purchased meal prep containers so that I can spend a few hours packing my breakfasts and lunches for the week on Sunday evening and not have to think about food the rest of the time.

There’s no guarantee that I’ll be successful this time around, but I do feel like I’m becoming sensitive to the alternative (not making any changes to my diet and exercise routine) and I DON’T LIKE IT.

My long term goal, which might be a little aggressive, is to lose 20 pounds by November 21st.

My short term goal, which may be a little to easy, is to go for a walk tonight before the sun sets.

Hopefully I will achieve both.

Here’s my “BEFORE” photo (photo by Glow Girl taken at Burning Man, August 2018):

Exercise!

The universe is whispering to me.

First, my very first boyfriend ever launches a group for wellness and health.

It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.

Especially when I read all his posts about workouts and nutrition.

I want to do another half marathon.

Okay, maybe I’ll start out with a 5K or 10K.

But still, fitness and health has been on my mind for some time.

Then, I meet a guy who has literally lost so much weight it could equal an entire person.

Wild!

And he, of course, is encouraging me to get active by inviting me on a hike.

Now.

The thing you need to know is that in a fit of self-love and body-acceptance, I recycled all my workout clothes.

ALL of them.

So here I am, getting ready to go on a hike and the very first thing I have to do is BUY WORKOUT CLOTHES.

Pants, tank top, and hydration pack (THANK YOU AMAZON!).

And there you have it.

I am officially going on a 5 – 6 mile hike in the mountains.

You heard it here first.

Michelle is going to EXERCISE!

Inner Accountant

There is an accountant living inside my body.

She watches everything I eat and keeps track of all the calories.

A month ago, I’d lost 13 pounds.

As of today, I’ve lost 10 pounds.

I GAINED three.

Nothing gets past that SKINNY BITCH!

To be honest, I deserved worse.

I drank gin and tonics at Tejas’ house.

I scarfed down sushi and rice.

I even ate a SLIVER of a slice of pizza.

And that fucking accountant . . . well, she saw EVERYTHING!

The problem could be that I have no willpower.

Especially when my option is basically a liquid, tasteless diet.

EVERYTHING that is FOOD looks good.

You know your diet SUCKS when you fantasize about eating an apple.

Baby carrots.

Salad.

But the problem could also be that I’m lazy.

I do not deserve a body like Heidi Klum because I do nothing to deserve it.

I shrink from exercise.

I get bored at the gym.

And swimming, which is a low impact exercise activity, requires me to:

  1. get wet
  2. dry my hair
  3. wear a bathing suit

None of which I am fond of.

So this fucking accountant is forcing me to change my ways.

I must either TOTALLY ADHERE to this FUCKING RIDICULOUS DIET. . .

Or I must STEP UP MY EXERCISE.

And since I really like to TASTE my food, I’m going to go with EXERCISE.

That’s right!

You heard it here first.

Michelle is going to start going to walks at lunchtime and on lazy weekends.

And that FUCKING ACCOUNTANT better damn well PAY ATTENTION.

If she really wants something to do, she should balance my checkbook.

Now there’s an area of my life that is OUT OF CONTROL.

Go for it, you SKINNY BITCH!

White Cloud

michelleSo I had an assignment from my Life Coach to write an I Am statement and basically describe myself as clearly as possible. So I wrote it.

It contained some good stuff, but it also contained things like bitch, irresponsible, and snobby.

As a comparison, I asked my friends and family to use words to describe me in a post on Facebook and I got a flush of responses.

All beautiful, poignant words that I would LOVE to describe myself as.

Words like white cloud, adventurous, strong, loving, gentle, kind, and empowered. For the whole list, see below:

  • Goddess
  • Generous
  • Creative
  • White Cloud
  • Gorgeous
  • Lovely
  • Sweet
  • Michelle
  • Vivacious
  • Sexy
  • Embodied
  • Secure
  • Self-assured
  • Seductive
  • Sparkly
  • Passionate
  • Loving
  • Loves to explore new things
  • Great self-esteem
  • Expressive
  • Compassionate
  • Caring
  • Amazing
  • Enchanting
  • Alluring
  • Breathtaking
  • Protective
  • Authentic
  • Paramount
  • Compassionate
  • Empathetic
  • Damn fine burner
  • Conscientious
  • Accepting of others
  • Rush
  • Tenacious
  • Giving
  • Adventurous
  • Goddess
  • Daring
  • Adventurous
  • Vibrant
  • Bold
  • Vulnerable
  • Compassionate
  • Authentic
  • Sexy
  • Smart
  • Stellar
  • Fearless
  • Empowered

What I learned from this exercise is that no one is harder on me than I am on myself. And perhaps, just maybe, I’m actually much closer to being the person who I want to be than I think.

I’ve always wanted to be brave, and strong, and adventurous.  And it appears that I am more like that than I previously thought.

And who doesn’t want to be described as breathtaking, alluring, enchanting, and gorgeous?

So take a minute before you criticize yourself and think of all the wonderful qualities that you possess.

Then maybe, like me, you can pause for a moment in your self-criticism and feel immensely, totally, in awe with yourself.

Chew something!

I am on a diet.

I need to be on a diet because I’m on medication that causes weight gain.

Frowny face.

My weight wouldn’t be a problem if only I’d exercise more.

But I’m basically a lazy woman who hates to sweat.

I also hate it when I’m out of breath.

And my heart rate soars to 180+ when I work out WHICH I CAN’T SUSTAIN.

I blame my mother for my food issues.

She told me that as an infant she had to stuff the bottle in my face right after she shoveled food in it or I’d scream.

I can totally see this behavior in me as an adult – shoveling in food followed by a big swig of booze.

Not healthy.

Not a good habit to develop.

Needless to say, I’ve given up drinking as much as I used to in the past.

And for this my liver THANKS ME!

It’s been two days and I’ve lost 4 pounds.

Which isn’t THAT big a deal because basically I can SNEEZE and lose 4 pounds.

But it’s progress in the right direction.

So wish me luck and cross your fingers hoping I’ll be successful on this liquid milkshake diet I’m on.

Lord knows how much I’m craving to CHEW SOMETHING!

 

P.S. I totally cheated last night when I licked a serving spoon full of peanut butter clean. . .

I was going to title this post “FAT ASS” but I like my ass

michelleAs part of my job as an employee at my work, I am offered incentives to get healthy, stay healthy, and eat right.

It’s a remarkable program that I am sure uses employee data for longevity studies.

I am basically offered $580 bucks every year to take free classes that improve my health and fitness levels.

Pretty cool eh?

Some of it is fun.

I took a class on Mindful Eating, a class in Elder Care, a class in Planning for College, and so much more.

I also took a Fitness Assessment today.

And believe it or not I didn’t bomb it.

True, I did have too much body fat and my BMI is higher than I’d like to see it be, but overall, I had a healthy, strong heart and INCREDIBLE FLEXIBILITY.

I always rock on the flexibility tests on account of I took ballet for decades as a child and I still have that muscle memory.

Nevertheless, my instructor had me huffing and puffing up and down 10 flights of stairs that made me realize that it’s time for me to GET MY ASS IN GEAR AND START EXERCISING.

Yup.

You heard it here first.

Michelle is going to get herself in better shape.

Starting with a diet plan my friend Lynne has been on that helped her lose over 100 pounds in about a year.

I also have a (free) meeting with a personal trainer to discuss getting in shape and I plan on emphasizing to her how strongly I feel about NOT RUNNING, maybe only walking, slowly, on a flat surface, or maybe downhill only.

Kidding.

But seriously, I’m a walker, not a runner.

But I also like kettle bells and resistance bands.

So we’ll see what kind of a workout she puts together for me.

Hopefully it’ll be fun or else. . .

. . .I’m out of here.

Save

White Cloud

michelleSo I had an assignment from my Life Coach to write an I Am statement and basically describe myself as clearly as possible. So I wrote it.

It contained some good stuff, but it also contained things like bitch, irresponsible, and snobby.

As a comparison, I asked my friends and family to use words to describe me in a post on Facebook and I got a flush of responses.

All beautiful, poignant words that I would LOVE to describe myself as.

Words like white cloud, adventurous, strong, loving, gentle, kind, and empowered. For the whole list, see below:

  • Goddess
  • Generous
  • Creative
  • White Cloud
  • Gorgeous
  • Lovely
  • Sweet
  • Michelle
  • Vivacious
  • Sexy
  • Embodied
  • Secure
  • Self-assured
  • Seductive
  • Sparkly
  • Passionate
  • Loving
  • Loves to explore new things
  • Great self-esteem
  • Expressive
  • Compassionate
  • Caring
  • Amazing
  • Enchanting
  • Alluring
  • Breathtaking
  • Protective
  • Authentic
  • Paramount
  • Compassionate
  • Empathic
  • Damn fine burner
  • Conscientious
  • Accepting of others
  • Rush
  • Tenacious
  • Giving
  • Adventurous
  • Goddess
  • Daring
  • Adventurous
  • Vibrant
  • Bold
  • Vulnerable
  • Compassionate
  • Authentic
  • Sexy
  • Smart
  • Stellar
  • Fearless
  • Empowered

What I learned from this exercise is that no one is harder on me than I am on myself. And perhaps, just maybe, I’m actually much closer to being the person who I want to be than I think.

I’ve always wanted to be brave, and strong, and adventurous.  And it appears that I am more like that than I previously thought.

And who doesn’t want to be described as breathtaking, alluring, enchanting, and gorgeous?

So take a minute before you criticize yourself and think of all the wonderful qualities that you possess.

Then maybe, like me, you can pause for a moment in your self-criticism and feel immensely, totally, in awe with yourself.