Facebook and I: A Love-Hate Relationship

1cc2a392f04977f341b9f99dc1add55dI’ve been thinking a lot about Facebook lately.  Ever since a “friend” suggested to my sister that my page be shut down because of my blogging (I think she was offended by my Beaver post).

The thought of losing Facebook worried me.  It’s how I found out my friend Simona was expecting…her third child… and her fourth.  It’s how I found out my FWB was out of the country in Brazil, not just ignoring my messages.  It’s why I invested in Movember for my friend Ari.  How would I keep in touch with all my friends without FB?

Well, maybe I’d do it the old-fashioned way… by picking up a phone and making a call.  Or by having a face-to-face get together.  But could I keep in touch with the 400 friends I have on Facebook?

Unlikely.  It would just have to be the chosen few.

On the up side, I wouldn’t have to get peppered with Miss Debbie-Downer’s constant stream of complaints.

“Oh my back!”

“Got a shot for my sciatica…”

And I wouldn’t have to read about Miss Bitter’s problems with men.

“Men are such jerks…”

“Posting ‘Survivor’ today because he’ll never get me down…”

Ah, thinly-veiled passive-aggressive references to our Facebook friends.  How we love them!

You know what goes up on Facebook?!  Drama and crap.  Sometimes dramatic crap.  We all know it and love it.  And we all indulge in it… like when my friend Jon got mauled by a bear it was ALL OVER FACEBOOK.  Worthy material, I’d say.  And no one is worse than me because I post the most crap to Facebook BECAUSE I POST THIS BLOG.

On the one hand, it keeps me honest.  On the other hand, I do censor myself.

Well, what do you expect?  My birthmother reads this blog (Hi Mom!).  She doesn’t need to hear ALL the down-and-dirty details of my crazy dating life.

But of course, you do.  And I assume at least some of my Facebook friends do as well.  So I’m just going to keep blogging to Facebook and hoping that some of my 400 friends “get me.”

And that’s ultimately what the purpose of Facebook is, at least in my life…. To promote what I find interesting, to laugh at what I find absurd, and to stay connected to the people who have passed through some chapter of my life and hold a piece of my history.

F*cking Facebook

I don’t know about you but suddenly my “People You May Know” section of Facebook is LIGHTING UP with men I used to date, almost dated, and flirted with.

How this happened, I have no idea.  I didn’t even know what most of these men’s names were.  I can only imagine the magic that Facebook employed to delve into my online dating records.  The fact that Facebook was able to dredge these men up from the sewers of my life scares me and impresses me a little.

They even located Louis, who managed to give me my WORST DATE EVER story involving two standard size poodles, the Adult Swim channel (which may have cartoons on it but it incidentally NOT A CHILDREN’S CHANNEL), and Louis’ 6-year-old daughter.  I could not make this up and I’ll save the whole story for another blog post.

Louis beat out that aptly named “Fartman” for the title of WORST DATE EVER.  No explanation is necessary for that one, I assume.

It’s been an awakening to see al the faces of the men I’ve entertained.  It makes me realize how long I’ve been dating and how many different men I’ve gone out with.

More than Princess Di, less than Madonna and we’ll leave it at that.

But still, I have to wonder how did Facebook do it?  They even found sexy Dixon who I am currently texting with.

I can only imagine that these men are experiencing the same flashbacks as I am as my picture goes floating by in their “People You May Know” (aka “People You Know But Don’t Want to Admit You Know or Even be Friends With) section.

Surely they think of me as that sexy, brilliant, adventurous blond they were lucky enough to go out with and perhaps they should give me a ring.

Then again, PERHAPS NOT!

Facebook and my frustration

MMI have a trigger on Facebook. It’s a picture of a friend.

Every time I see that picture I feel bad.

I’m conditioned to respond in a negative way to that picture.

The other day, said friend was posting all over Facebook. Not just the usual post here and there but a full on onslaught of posts.

I was beside myself with discomfort.

Not because of the content, just because of THAT DAMN PHOTO.

My BFF thinks I should just unfriend this person and remove the stimulus that makes me feel bad.

I can’t seem to bring myself to do that.

I hate burning bridges just in case down the road I feel differently.

And down the road I ALWAYS feel differently

So I guess I’ll just have to suck it up. Grin and bear it. Deal.

It’s not like I can ask my friend to stand still while I throw donuts at him/her.

Right?

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And speaking of burning bridges, guess who added me as a friend on Google+?

Edward. Yes, that Edward. Of the $1000 date fame. And the only man to tell me my life had “too much drama.”

Boo. I’ve felt so bad about that comment ever since he said it, and now he’s my friend again? Yay!

Maybe his attitude toward me has softened.

I sure hope so.

I could use a deep, cleansing breath.

BUSTED… by Facebook

Not long ago. I put up a post about the Australian (aka the Aussie) hitting on me with a graphic text, “Do you war to get your pu**y licked?”

I write a pretty benign post to accompany the story however I included a photo which was beyond acceptable for Facebook.

It included no nudity (per se), but it was a picture of a guy going down on a girl.  Contextually graphic if not sexually graphic.

About 12 hours after I linked to the post on Facebook, I tried logging in to Facebook.

Locked out.

And just so you all know in case this happens to you, Facebook tells you why you were locked out, makes you read a warning about content on Facebook, and then asked you to review your photos and mark any that should be removed based on your newfound knowledge of what is appropriate and what is inappropriate.

Was I upset to get censored?  A little, especially knowing a “friend” reported my image.  But I knew I was pushing the boundaries when I uploaded the image.

I personally think that FB needs a non-anonymous system to report photos/content so that those of us who are reported can WEED OUR GARDEN OF THOSE “FRIENDS”.  Honestly, if I offend you, why are you my friend in the first place?  Great idea, no?

Meanwhile, if you wan to see the post that got me in trouble, click here.

 

Happy Steak & a Blowjob Day

It’s National Steak & a Blowjob Day!

Celebrate by…. well, YOU KNOW.

And how will I celebrate? How does a single woman celebrate S & B Day?

Well normally I would partake in the evening’s festivities however since I have no one – I mean NOTHING – to do, I’m going to do exactly that.

NOTHING!

Don’t feel sorry for me. I will eventually get to celebrate this MOMENTOUS day along with the rest of you.

Maybe I’ll eat a hot dog. Or a banana….

steak

What comes first: sex or oral sex?

imageThe first thing you need to know about whether or not sex or oral sex comes first is that

WOMEN DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS POLL

Perhaps because it was a non-anonymous Facebook poll.

Makes sense.

The second thing you need to know is that men WILL respond to a non-anonymous Facebook poll.

Why the discrepancy?  Is there a difference between men who admit to eating pussy and women who admit to sucking cock?

Maybe it’s because blasting “I suck cock” all over Facebook doesn’t raise a woman’s image whereas admitting to eating pussy just increases our perception of his virility.  Could this be the terrible double standard rearing its ugly head?

Are we still so judgmental that a sexual woman is something we look down on?

If I can speak from experience, I would say a resounding YES.

People are judgmental of a sexual woman.  Because of this blog, I’ve been called crazy, tacky, trashy, perverted, and my personal favorite “totally lacking in class and morals” (and that was just my sister).

So what’s a girl to do if she has a serious question and no one will answer?

Put out an anonymous poll, of course.  So here you go…. if you’re a man or a woman you are invited to participate or email me at michelle@unblunder.com.