The most flattering picture of me in the known universe

As I creep closer to 50, I find myself struggling harder against the signs of aging.

Perhaps it’s all in vain, but I can’t help myself.

I don’t want to look old before my time.

I want to look young, and firm and smooth!

So I’m getting my melasma removed via a very irritating process known as the Spectra Laser Peel.

It feels like a little electrical ZAP! going on right next to your skin and it’s hella annoying.

And by annoying, I mean slap-your-esthetician-annoying.

I have to lay on my hands to keep myself from swatting her hands away.

In any case, they first put a black carbon solution on your face like a mask which they then ZAP! away.

The nurse left the room after applying the mask and out of curiosity, I snapped a picture of what I looked like in the carbon mask.

And, as it turns out, I took the most flattering picture of me in the known universe:

And I’m just wondering, perhaps if I put this as my online dating profile picture, I’ll get some decent dates?

Nothing is sexier than a woman laying on a table, with a carbon mask on her face, eh?

Holiday Hookup

IMG_8521At this time last year I was dating The Israeli.

Sure, he turned out to be an ass hat who ghosted me over Christmas after giving me a facial, but for a while there I was having fun.

Now.

Dates have been few and far between lately since I stopped internet dating.

And I’ll admit, when I got an email from Match.com with pictures of my “matches” I paused and glanced at a few of them.

I looked but I didn’t click.

I LOVE the holidays.

It’s my favorite time of year, the days between my birthday and New Year’s Day.

The only thing that could make my holiday better would be a holiday hookup, but I don’t see how that’s even possible given that I’m not meeting anyone.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who also loved the holiday season and I think our first Christmas together was the happiest I’ve been IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

We listened to holiday music together, explored the Bay Area, and I chronicled all of it with pictures and photo books.

Yup, I was THAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND.

This year, I think I’m destined to go through the holidays solo.

And I’m okay with that.

It’s much better to go through the holidays alone than go through the holidays with a face full of Israeli cum and a ghost.

Right?

Ghosting

IMG_8498My first experience with ghosting was this past holiday season when The Israeli ghosted me.

One minute a guy is cumming all over your face, the next he’s disappeared on you.

Our split was inevitable, in my mind.

Mostly I missed having someone to do fun things with.

He wasn’t my soulmate, but I thought he was cool.

He talked me into doing two things for him – the aforementioned facial, and spending the night.

As far as the facial went, it was nothing special.  He got his spunk in my eye which burned.  That was about the extent of it.

Cross that off the bucket list.

Spending the night?

Well, that felt way more intimate.

We fell asleep tangled in each other and woke up looking into one another’s eyes.

But in 6 short weeks, I was ghosted by him.

So there I was, stretching myself, trying new things, and playing outside my comfort zone and he can’t even muster an “it’s been nice but…”

I might not have been his dream girl.  Hell, I might not have even been LTR material, but I’ll tell you this. . .

If you cum on a girl’s face, you better say goodbye or else risk being remembered as a total and complete ASS HAT!

Which is ironic, because his name (his honest-to-goodness Israeli name), spelled phonetically, sounds just like ASS HAT.

My first clue that things would end badly. . .