Shirtcocking

Since it looks like The Swede is coming to Burning Man, I’ve been keeping an eye out for items which are suitable for him to wear on the playa.

Sunblock, for one.

A hat, for another.

But also. . .

These:

I can’t tell you how much I ADORE these tank tops.

One, because they are cool.

But also?

Because they will show off The Swede’s arms and tattoos.

And there’s nothing I want more than to snuggle close to that man and have him wrap me in his arms.

And who doesn’t love SCORPION tattoos?

Yes my friends, The Swede is a Scorpio.

Just like me.

In fact, he “shares” a birthday with my little brother which means that TECHNICALLY I’ve been celebrating on his birthday since 1978.

Isn’t that a pleasant thought?

Well, regardless of when his birthday is, he’ll at least have some good tanks to wear on the playa.

I sent him pictures of the tanks and HE LIKED THEM.

Which is nice.

I always enjoy it when people like the gifts I pick out for them.

Now, we just have to figure out what he’ll wear on bottom.

Ain’t no shirtcocking Swedes here!

Yes, that is exactly what you think it is (men who wear shirts on the playa and are naked below the waist).

Submissive

I am not a submissive female by nature.

I once had a boyfriend who was quite the dominant and you should have SEEN the power struggles we engaged in!

I mean, I’m not one to monopolize the action in the bedroom.

No.

I take suggestions.

Just like you’d want an eager lover to take suggestions.

I mean hey, if you can IMPROVE upon the experience we’re having right now, then I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT.

So please, share.

That said, I recently noticed (as I was assembling my Burning Man outfits) that I have an unusually LARGE collections of collars.

Like TWENTY THREE to be exact!

I mean, is that a lot for a woman who considers herself non-submissive?

Cuz it seems like a lot.

One day, I’m going to buy myself a collar with my bedroom nickname on it and then I’ll have TWO DOZEN collars.

I can’t tell you what my nickname is (it’s not Bombshell) because my birth mom reads this blog and I literally can’t stomach the idea of eating dinner with her knowing that she knows what I like to be called in bed.

Whew!

I’m sticking them all here so that when you see them, in their entirety, you too will be struck by how SUBMISSIVE my wardrobe is.

It’s downright servile!

You’re not alone, sister!

Almost two and a half years ago I participated in Burning Man for the first time.

As is my usual habit, I spent A LOT of time planning and prepping.

I carefully reviewed every Burning Man Essentials list and incorporated all the items I was missing into my growing inventory.

In the end, I had 16 bins full of gear.

I may have gone overboard, but let me tell you, I was PREPARED.

Sunblock for my hair?

Check.

Essentials oils for my face mask?

Check.

Ridiculous now to think about them, but at the time I thought they were ESSENTIAL.

Needless to say, I spent a lot of time looking online for fashion guidance.

Self expression is BIG at Burning Man.

I was totally disappointed to find that 99.9% of the representations of women at Burning Man include slim women only.

Where are my thick girls? My curvy ladies?

I could find no representation of women on the playa for women OVER A SIZE 12.

What up?!

I began to wonder if I’d be the only thick girl on the playa.

Of course, that turned out to not be the case, but it still bothers me to this day that the diversity that exists on the playa is not captured by playa photographers.

And, of course, I had to remedy the situation not just by posting my playa photos on the internet, but also by creating a Pinterest board with fashion inspiration for the curvy lady planning to go to the playa.

You’re not alone, sister!

You’re not alone, sister!

Almost 2 years ago I participated in Burning Man for the first time.

As is my usual habit, I spent A LOT of time planning and prepping.

I carefully reviewed every Burning Man Essentials list and incorporated all the items I was missing into my growing inventory.

In the end, I had 16 bins full of gear.

I may have gone overboard, but let me tell you, I was PREPARED.

Sunblock for my hair?

Check.

Essentials oils for my face mask?

Check.

Ridiculous now to think about them, but at the time I thought they were ESSENTIAL.

Needless to say, I spent a lot of time looking online for fashion guidance.

Self expression is BIG at Burning Man.

I was totally disappointed to find that 99.9% of the representations of women at Burning Man include slim women only.

Where are my thick girls? My curvy ladies?

I could find no representation of women on the playa for women OVER A SIZE 12.

What up?!

I began to wonder if I’d be the only thick girl on the playa.

Of course, that turned out to not be the case, but it still bothers me to this day that the diversity that exists on the playa is not captured by playa photographers.

And, of course, I had to remedy the situation not just by posting my playa photos on the internet, but also by creating a Pinterest board with fashion inspiration for the curvy lady planning to go to the playa.

You’re not alone, sister!

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Does anyone look good in a poncho?

I’ve been eyeballing ponchos on the internet lately.

They look so cozy and warm and with the change in the weather here in California (it’s dropped below 60 degrees!), there’s been a chill in the air I’ve had to fight off.

Of course, the models on Pinterest all look very sexy in their oversized, bulky ponchos.

poncho1Despite the fact that they are wearing a blanket for a top, they manage to look svelte and slim.

Probably because they have a nice pair of twiggy legs sticking out from under the poncho.

Now, although I am tall, I do not have a pair of twiggy legs to go with my poncho.

I have thick thighs.

The risk factor for me looking like a woman wearing a Christmas tree skirt for a sweater is HIGH!

DESPITE the fact that I KNEW wearing a blanket for a shirt would probably make me look like Jabba the Hut, I went ahead and bought one.

screen-shot-2016-11-28-at-11-53-22-amI’ve decided WHO THE HELL CARES?!

I wear what I want to wear, thick thighs and all.

Maybe my poncho will make me look like an apple with tree trunks for legs, but I’ll tell you something. . .

That apple is going to be nice and toasty warm.

So there!

poncho2

Plus on the playa

So I’m having a little trouble finding an accurate representation of me on the playa at Burning Man.

All the pictures I see are of petite women wearing nearly nothing. Very beautiful ladies, indeed.

But where are the goddesses? Where are the Amazons? Where are my curvy ladies?

I’m guessing that with 60,000 people descending on the playa, there’s got to be some body diversity among the women. But you wouldn’t know it to look at the pictures.

It’s a little troublesome as I try to organize my wardrobe for the event. I have no one to model my outfits after.

Can I wear a bikini on the playa? Will I be the only curvy lady wearing one? Will there be body hate on the playa like there is in real life?

Am I obsessing over this a little too much?

Probably.

I know what you’re all thinking…. Just wear what I want to wear.

And in theory I agree with you.

But I’d feel soooo much better if I could just take a peek as the diversity of styles on the playa, including women with ample boobs and butts.

Just saying.

There’s not much representation of Plus on the Playa.