F*ck you 6XL!

I bought a pair of black denim shorts off a website called OpenSky.com.

Ha!

Turns out it’s just a fancy cover for yet another Chinese goods website.

How do I know this?

Well, I sort of suspected when I was offered the opportunity to select a XXXXXXL (6XL).

Hmmmmm.

So yesterday my 6XL jean shorts arrived in the mail.

I pulled them out of the bag and promptly threw them in the corner.

If a 6XL in China is a size 10 in the US, then I want to know the dimensions of a woman (girl/infant) who can wear a size XS?

Seriously!

There was like 12 inches of fabric missing and FOR SURE my ass would have hung out the back, and the sides, and. . . well, let’s not go there.

It kind of reminds me of the time I was fooling around with this guy in his RV illuminated by the light from my LED kitty ears.

I was sitting on his lap and he attempted to lift me up and adjust me as if I weighed NO MORE THAN A FEATHER.

Needless to say, he tipped over and gave himself a hernia.

I’m kidding about the hernia, but not about him (us) falling over. I managed to catch myself on a cabinet, but otherwise it would have been a DISASTER!

In my mind, I was thinking. . .”Did you NOT see the size of my thighs when we were flirting?”

Of course, he was drunk (and stoned) and so the answer to that question was probably an emphatic NO!

Needless to say, Chinese clothing makes me feel fat and I’m quite sure that if I ever took a trip there and the airline lost my luggage I’d have to walk around NAKED because there would be no clothes for me to wear.

HONESTLY!

How I can feel sexy and curvy one week and fat and disgusting the next I will never know.

Fuck you 6XL!

 

UPDATE:  I did, in fact, fit into the shorts.  Tejas laced me into them and WTF! They fit!  But they are SUPER teeny and puts all my curves (and lumps and bumps) on display.

Fat

Rumor has it that a certain burner blogger has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks.

Just so you know, that’s this much fat:

The other day a coworker told me that I looked like I’d lost weight.

She said she could see it in my face and my chest.

Oh dear.

My chest.

It’s going to shrink, isn’t it?

No more voluptuous breasts.

Sigh.

I will miss putting them on display.

Looking at 10 pounds of fat, I am struck by the thought that I literally have NO IDEA that much fat was in my body.

And then I think to myself that I have 90 – 120 more pounds to lose and I am dumbfounded.

Where is it all?

Besides my boobs, of course!

Here’s what 100 pounds of fat looks like!

Oh, ugh!

That looks like a entire PERSON!

And in a way, I guess it is.

Still, as much as I want to lose weight, I still want to keep some of my curviness.

I know I could always BUY a pair of buxom breasts, but I’d so much prefer to keep my real ones!

Please?

This post is hard to write

This post is hard to write on account of it hits a little too close to home.

Just a little too much truth in it.

So.

I ordered three pairs of high-waisted bikini bottoms from the UK in order to wear them to Burning Man.

Nice, right?

Well, they arrived and I opened up the package, pulled out the bikini bottoms, and discovered. . .

. . . that they were absolutely MASSIVE.

We’re talking HUGE knickers here.

I thought, “there’s NO WAY those will fit me!”

The bad news is: they fit.

The good news is: just barely.

Yeah, I’m one skipped breakfast away from having those bikini bottoms drop to the floor.

Nevertheless, this whole experience gave me pause.

For the first time in a long time, I felt unattractively fat.

Now.

I know I’m a thick girl and that some men find thick sexy.

And that some men don’t.

I’ve always been okay with my curves.

But to feel unattractive?

Well that just isn’t going to fly with me.

Does anyone look good in a poncho?

I’ve been eyeballing ponchos on the internet lately.

They look so cozy and warm and with the change in the weather here in California (it’s dropped below 60 degrees!), there’s been a chill in the air I’ve had to fight off.

Of course, the models on Pinterest all look very sexy in their oversized, bulky ponchos.

poncho1Despite the fact that they are wearing a blanket for a top, they manage to look svelte and slim.

Probably because they have a nice pair of twiggy legs sticking out from under the poncho.

Now, although I am tall, I do not have a pair of twiggy legs to go with my poncho.

I have thick thighs.

The risk factor for me looking like a woman wearing a Christmas tree skirt for a sweater is HIGH!

DESPITE the fact that I KNEW wearing a blanket for a shirt would probably make me look like Jabba the Hut, I went ahead and bought one.

screen-shot-2016-11-28-at-11-53-22-amI’ve decided WHO THE HELL CARES?!

I wear what I want to wear, thick thighs and all.

Maybe my poncho will make me look like an apple with tree trunks for legs, but I’ll tell you something. . .

That apple is going to be nice and toasty warm.

So there!

poncho2

Unloveable

This post has been a long time coming.

I’ve been putting it off and putting it off.

But after SoulFire?  No more.

First, I got this picture sent to me that I took at SoulFire:

0057v-PUBThen I found this one on the SoulFire photographer’s website:

IMG_9831And I have to say, I was SHOCKED at my appearance.

I didn’t recognize myself.

I literally did double and triple takes.

And now I’m quite certain that the reason why I am so incredibly, definitively single is because I happen to also be incredibly, definitively FAT.

There, I said it.

I can’t stand to look at myself.

I want to take a Sharpie and write “UGLY” on my forehead.

Deep breath.

I know I shouldn’t post this.  I’m scared of the reactions I’m going to get from people who read this blog.

They’ve been reading unblunder thinking I’m pretty because I post only flattering pictures of myself.

Well, it’s just not so.

I’m FAT.

Horribly, unforgivably, unloveably FAT.