Beggars can’t be choosers

Like all women, I am enthralled with firemen.

Honestly, they all seem to be so brawny and handsome, they take my breath away in their sexy uniforms.

Give me a 45 – 55 year old man in boots, a tight navy blue t-shirt and bulging biceps and call me a happy girl!

The best part of firemen is not that they are so handsome and strong, though.

It’s that they tend to travel in packs.

So you get six for the price of one.

It renders me mute!

Man, I love me some firemen.

Men with hero complexes in general are very sexy.

Paramedics.

EMTs.

Search & Rescue.

Military men.

And while I am a strong and capable woman, I’m sorely tempted to pretend to need rescue just to engage them.

I went out with a fireman.

Once.

Once was all it took.

He spent the entire time talking about himself and I swear, if he knew my name or what I did for a living at the end of the date, I’D BE SHOCKED!

His profile still pops up on dating websites.

They guy is still single.

Go figure.

But I think he’s the exception to the rule and his self-absorbed behavior still hasn’t turned me off to the utter and total sexiness of firemen.

All this is to say, since I’ve been working on finding paramedics to cover the summer campout, I’ve been flush with paramedics, EMTs and firemen.

They’re coming out of the woodwork.

Much to my pleasure!

Beggars can’t be choosers!

Fundraisers, firemen, and makeouts

I attended a wee little fundraiser in downtown San Jose on Saturday night.

It was A LOT of fun.

But notably, it was across the street from a fire station.

And in case you didn’t know it, the only thing better than a firefighter is MANY FIREFIGHTERS.

Yes, they wandered across the street in their yellow pants and their tight navy t-shirts and I HONESTLY FELT MY OVARIES SHUDDER.

It was something to behold.

Of course the BEST PART about having the firefighters there, apart from those tight tight t-shirts, was watching them get all wide eyed looking at the Burning Man community.

Specifically all the lovely girls in fishnets and spandex, bathing suits and vinyl.

Could it be possible that the loveliness of the girls far surpassed the attractiveness of the firemen?

Well, it’s up for grabs, but they certainly gave the firemen a run for the money.

We got to visit the fire station and some of the women slid down the pole.

Now, I don’t know about you, but when I see a pole, I feel like climbing up it then sliding down it.

Oh, that was bad, wasn’t it?!

I got a tour from a wonderful, handsome, fireman/paramedic and I remember virtually nothing of what he said on account of I was looking at him wondering if he might be single.

Nope.

A ring.

So when I went back to the party, despite having a growing headache (on account of the cheap booze I was drinking, I think), I did what any red-blooded American burner chick would do. . .

. . . I made out with someone else.

Oops!

The Blockhead

firefighterOnce again I did the unthinkable and plunged headlong into emailing a guy I met through Match.

And this just goes to show how long I’ve been on Match but WHILE WE WERE TEXTING, I recalled that we’d done this before, some time ago.

He texted me. I texted back.

And the ENTIRE TIME he never asked me what my name was, what I did for a living, whether I had kids or not, etc.

To be perfectly honest, all he did was talk about himself.

His hobbies, which are interesting, as it turns out.

His job, which is also very interesting.

But so are my hobbies and my job.

I was just surprised that he wasn’t the least bit curious about me.

And that’s when I remembered!

Oh yeah, we’ve done this before.

It’s why I am wary of dating firefighters.

Because I associate his self-absorption with his career.

“Aren’t I cool, I’m a firefighter.”

Yes, firemen are cool and OH MY GOD SEXY but what’s sexier is a fireman who knows how to meet someone halfway in a conversation instead of playing the ME game.

All along I thought my friend Richard was the one who turned me off to firefighters, but no, as it turns out it was this blockhead.

I’m not saying all firefighters are blockheads.

Just this one.

Next!

Speechless

Every now and then the planets line up in such as way as to create a spectacle so amazing and so moving, it defies all description. This event has been given a now infamous name and the mere mention of it brings a flush to my face, an enormous grin to my face and a giggle bursts out of me. My brain gets sucked into a void which strips me of at least 50 IQ points, and my knees get a little weak and I find myself in desperate need of a chair to sit down in.

Yes, ladies, you know what I’m talking about – a fire inspection. All those uniformed firemen come walking in with their tight blue shirts, their bulging biceps, their tanned faces and bright white teeth and we lose it. Completely. Makes me want to plug a heating unit into an extension cord right next to the paper recycling bin and a bunsen burner….

Come save me from myself!!!!

image

I heart firemen

spain14n-1-webI checked into the ranch early this evening.

“I have to warn you, we have 4 firemen joining us for dinner tonight,” she told me.

Yay! Firemen!

As it turns out, I did not hear her right. I heard four, she ACTUALLY said forty-four.

Do you know what it’s like to watch 44 firemen in uniform walk past you to get their dinner after a long day fighting a forest fire?

Lucky me.

Do you know what it’s like to smell 44 firemen in uniform walk past you to get their dinner after a long day fighting a forest fire?

Lucky you.

Speechless

Every now and then the planets line up in such as way as to create a spectacle so amazing and so moving, it defies all description. This event has been given a now infamous name and the mere mention of it brings a flush to my face, an enormous grin to my face and a giggle bursts out of me. My brain gets sucked into a void which strips me of at least 50 IQ points, and my knees get a little weak and I find myself in desperate need of a chair to sit down in.

Yes, ladies, you know what I’m talking about – a fire inspection. All those uniformed firemen come walking in with their tight blue shirts, their bulging biceps, their tanned faces and bright white teeth and we lose it. Completely. Makes me want to plug a heating unit into an extension cord right next to the paper recycling bin and a bunsen burner….

Come save me from myself!!!

Capture