First Date

Sunday, I went on a date.

Not just any date – a TINDER date.

Yes, the online dating app well-known for hookups.

I picked him up (it was on my way) and we went to a small pub in Redwood City.

They had delicious German beers on tap and we partook of several before heading out to a nearby taco stand to get tacos.

After tacos we went to a liquor store to get the fixings for one of our favorite drinks – the Sazerac.

Then we retired to his place for cocktails and to play with his kitties (he has three).

Was there any action, you want to know?

The answer is OF COURSE.

It’s me, after all.

But I managed to behave myself.

Which wasn’t easy to do because not only was my date a lumberjack, he’s a very HANDSOME lumberjack who I could easily stare at for hours.

You can only imagine my excitement going out on a date with him.

I had a great time and it only got strange a little bit (like seeing a handgun on a countertop at his house).

I HOPE he had a good time and that we go out again, but only time will tell.

Kissing on the first date

suck faceI’m a big supporter of kissing.

It can make or break your chemistry with someone.

I believe in kissing hello on the lips. And I believe in kissing goodbye.

I even have a friend whose ear I bite when I hug him. Just because it’s there.

That being said, I do have a pet peeve with regard to kissing.

Men who suck your face off ON THE FIRST DATE.

It’s really not necessary, is it, to lick my tonsils?

No, it’s not.

The other day, I was enjoying a first date with a man when all of a sudden I found his tongue dumped in my mouth.

Jeez! Okay. A little premature but he’s eager so I decided to go with it.

All of a sudden we went from 0 to 100 mph in a split second and before I knew it, his hands were ALL OVER ME. Trying to lift my skirt. Running them over my breasts.

Come on ladies, you know the type. I can’t be the only person this happens to.

I went from feeling seen and heard to feeling like a piece of meat.

And that’s not good.

Contrast this kiss, with the kiss I initiated with another man. I made eye contact. I touched his knee. I leaned into our conversation.

All signs pointed toward go.

And when we finally did kiss, it was magnificent.

So read the signs and follow them. Don’t jump prematurely into the physical stuff. Take your time and cultivate something special.

It’ll be worth it!

Creepy First Date

I’ve been on some weird first dates. The guy with the 2 standard poodles and the 6 year old takes the cake. Also the aptly nicknamed Fartman.

I thought nothing could shock me.

Until I got this request:

nude beachWould I like to go on a first date to a nude beach?

Ummmm…. I’m thinking the answer to that is WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER! Or when pigs fly out of my ass. Whichever happens first.

Needless to say, Michael has been cut from the list of potential suitors. And in a fit of honesty, I told him I thought his suggestion was creepy.

C-R-E-E-P-Y

This is whats out there ladies.  This is what’s out there.

Nerves

To say I had a case of the nerves when I went out with Tejas would be an understatement.

I was uptight. Tense. Nervous. On edge.

He called me out on it.

I ordered a gin and tonic to mellow the eff out. It worked. Before I knew it, Tejas and I were chatting like old friends and I was enjoying myself.

The waitress kept coming by our table and saying I was pretty. I wanted to tip her every time she said it.

That’s how you get a big tip, yes indeed.

Tejas and I talked about Burning Man, my kids, health, and his former relationship. It was odd to talk about another woman on a first date but since I know her and like her, it wasn’t all that odd.

Although I will say that it’s rather obvious that Tejas still has a thing for her. It makes me pause and wonder if I should proceed with dating him.

As I put it, “you don’t date because your dream woman is taken by another man, you date because you realize your dream woman is still out there.”

And I stand by that statement.

After dinner, Tejas and I went to get frozen yogurt even though I was jonesing for ice cream. Tejas convinced me to make a healthier choice. The nice thing about Tejas is that I can admit my weight issues to him without fear of judgment or criticism.

Then we went to my place where we were mercilessly bugged by my oldest son who takes some sort of keen interest in the men I date.

Two scotch on the rocks later, we were chummy as could be and I was falling asleep on Tejas.

We kissed. Several times.

He has very soft lips.

But as we were kissing, my mischievous son flicked the stair lights on and off and on and off again alerting us to the fact that we had no privacy and he was misbehaving.

What must Tejas think of my parenting skills that my teenage son acts this way.

We snuck in a few more kisses before saying goodnight.

Was I swept away?

Not completely.

I can feel myself digging in, restlessly holding on to my single status. Reluctant to open up to a man who is in love with another woman.

I mean, in order to fall for an available man, the man has to be AVAILABLE first.

So we’ll see where this goes. If nothing else I have a friend with benefits.

And that ain’t bad.

P.S.  I told Tejas my two big secrets and he still likes me, so I’ve got that going for me.  Nothing like a little transparency and acceptance to make a girl feel good about herself.

Waiting

It’s been just over 6 months since Austin and I started texting.

He liked my blog and I found a kindred spirit in him. Worldly. Intuitive. Expansive.

It occurs to me now that getting to know Austin has gone completely backwards. First we literally scoured each other’s sexuality. Then we got to know each other on a more intimate level.

By the time we went on our first date, there was hardly anything left to find out except how we like our coffee in the morning.

Ok, I jest. There’s always more to discover about a person and Austin in particular is very enigmatic. I’m sure there’s PLENTY I don’t know about him.

Surprisingly, given all our graphics pics and texts, nothing happened on our first date.

This could be a very good move on Austin’s part. I’m not used to men who make me wait. I feel like I’m charting new territory and I kinda like the feeling. It reminds me of my favorite saying:

So here I am, WAY OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE with Austin. My sex drive is through the roof and only getting bigger.

IT’S LIKE THE MOST STRENUOUS MENTAL FOREPLAY I’VE EXPERIENCED.

Which doesn’t surprise me since Austin’s grasp on the complexity and depth of female sexuality is phenomenal. And since he’s proving himself to be an outrageously good top.

So Date #2 is coming up. We’re going up Mt. Hamilton and to a great little dive bar in Livermore called The Junction.

You must be wondering if I’m going to turn on my sex appeal and try to get Austin to kiss me.

The answer is no.

I fully intend to let Austin have his way in this matter and let him set the pace.

I can wait.

Great places for a first date

My first date ever with with Don and he took me to the dance at my high school and sneak attack kissed me on the dance floor to Lady in Red.  Since then, I’ve been on many more dates – some good and some bad.  Here’s a list of some of the better ones:

Cooking Class – Dave took me to a cooking class and together we made lobster bisque with cheesy risotto and lemon asparagus.  It was fun.  We got to talk a lot, we laughed a lot, and in the end we had a great meal to share that we’d prepared together.  I also did this with the Wine Man at his house.  It was fun dipping strawberries in melted chocolate and then eating the rewards after a quick chill in the oven.  I will always love making a meal on a first date.

Restaurant – I know, this one is tried but true.  You get to share and meal and (hopefully) have great conversation.  Edward took me on my best restaurant date ever on account that each time we went out, we had a great meal, great wine, and great company.  Sigh. I miss Edward.

Music Festival – This is a great place to go on a date – there’s food, shopping, and entertainment.  What else do you need?  Everyone should be happy.  Also, you can bring a blanket and snuggle under the sun/stars on your own little patch of grass.  Frank took me to a festival in San Francisco where we got to see Peter Gabriel as the closing act.  I got a contact high just from standing in the audience. Thomas took me to a concert in the Lick Observatory on Mount Hamilton.  Had he not farted the entire time, I might have been a BEST DATE EVER.  Seriously.  I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Bowling – Luke took me bowling.  We had beers and a slice of pizza while engaging in friendly competition. It’s a low-stress date so you can feel relaxed and comfortable, which is important. It was also really fun since I totally suck at bowling we made it into a competition of Funny Bowling.

The Driving Range – Karl took me to the driving range and it was fun because he was great at golfing and I was pure shit.  I got a bunch of tips from him and even some up-close-and-personal time with him as he helped me with my swing.   Bonus!

I have some new date ideas that I’d like to go on that don’t involve embarrassing sporting activities:

  • I’d like to go to a Burmese or an Ethiopian restaurant.  Just to try out a new cuisine.  But this requires and adventurous partner.  Any takers?
  • I’d like to go to a beer making class in SF.  Because I want to know how to make beer and it just seems like something that would be fun with a sexy partner.
  • I’d like to go kayaking on the Elkhorn Slough.  No one has taken me up on this offer.  The guy I asked (the Irishman) admitted he couldn’t swim.  I am a PADI certified Rescue Diver.  But even the thought of me rescuing him couldn’t get him to go on the water.

There are a few places I DON’T want to go on a date:

  • The Gym – Ugh no.  Last thing I want is someone watching me grunt and groan as I work on the machines.  Or have them compare me to all the hard bodies that are there.  Skip.
  • The Beach – You know how you dip your toes in the water and lean back to enjoy the sunlight on your face, only to get hit by a wave and dragged 200 feet, nearly drowned, and when you come up for air your bottoms are riding below your crack because they’re filled with sand.  Yeah, that’s why it’s a bad idea.  Bonfire on the beach at night however is a GREAT idea.  Thank you Kurt for taking me 🙂
  • A Movie – yawn.  I want to talk to my date not sit around in a dark room, totally silent, watching whatever canned formula film is being shown.  Not even an art film or a foreign film can lure me in.  An NC-17 rated movie might do it though…

So there you have it, the best and the worst.

 

Questions I like to ask on a first date

imageHere are some of my favorite questions to ask on a first date, along with my answers to them.  Note #19 is NON-NEGOTIABLE.

  1. You have a plane ticket to go anywhere in the world. Where do you go and why? (Australia. To dive the Great Barrier Reef and visit the Zoo.)
  2. Pumpkin pie – yay or nay? (Yay!)
  3. Do you believe in PDAs? (Of course)
  4. What’s your favorite body part? (The lips)
  5. What’s your favorite comfort food? (Middle Eastern – feta cheese with olive oil, zattar, and pita bread)
  6. Do you like scary movies? (Yes)
  7. One million dollars or true love? (True love)
  8. Red wine or white wine? (Red)
  9. Do you love animals? (Always)
  10. Sing in the shower – yay or nay? (Yay)
  11. Do you have any tattoos? (Five)
  12. What’s on your bedside table? (Pills, wine glass, water, and my computer)
  13. What superpower would you like to have? (Flight)
  14. Favorite cartoon character (Jessica Rabbit or She-Ra Princess of Power)
  15. Favorite movie of all time? (The Goonies)
  16. Do you collect anything? (My homemade quilts)
  17. Ski or snowboard? (Neither, but I’ll snowboard in a pinch)
  18. Best concert? (Santana or Springsteen or U2)
  19. Favorite Sunday morning activity? (Sex)
  20. Favorite dog breed? (German shepherd, mutt, or anything big)

I’ve found that this eclectic mix of questions is really good at sorting out those men with a great sense of humor from those lacking a sense of humor.  Basically, if he isn’t laughing by the time I get to the end of my questions, I know he won’t get my sense of humor.  And #19 is non-negotiable.  I will give my answer with a straight face and his response to it will determine if he advances to the second round.  Acceptable responses are:  laughter, a smile, or a combination of the two.  Unacceptable responses are:  stammering, a long awkward pause, or an overly eager agreement with me.

So there you have it, my best collection of questions designed to sort out men who are my type from the men who just LOOK LIKE MY TYPE.

The $1000 date

A $1000 date.  Do you think I’m kidding?  Because I’m not.

Edward took me to a Michelin rated restaurant in Los Gatos, CA then proceed to order the most expensive bottle of Malbec.  The waiter had to check with him before he brought it to the table.

“The most expensive bottle of Malbec is $460.”

“Yes, thank you,” Edward didn’t even blink.

I sat there with the knowledge that that was at least twice what I had in my checking account at the time.  Heiress, I am not!

Did Edward and I enjoy the bottle of wine?  You bet!

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The post where I get a bouquet of orchids

As part of my new outlook on life, I’ve revived my Match.com profile and have begun to sift through emails and profiles.  On Saturday night, I went out with Edward and was simply blown away by his charm, generosity, and playfulness.  I had a GREAT time on our date.

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So our date wraps up late Saturday night and I wake up Sunday morning to a delivery of a bouquet of orchids.  What kind of magician can conjure up a floral bouquet that quickly, I ask you*?

*Turns out he ordered them ahead of time.  Optimism.  I like it.

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