Sleeping on airplanes

I have NEVER.

Not EVEN ONCE.

Fallen asleep on an airplane.

Believe you me, it’s like TORTURE not being able to sleep.

All those hours ticking by, slowly, with my body contorted into an uncomfortable sitting position.

Pressure on my poor broken tailbone.

All the blood in my body pooling in my feet.

I am DETERMINED to fall asleep on my flight to Sweden.

Number one, because I want to shorten the long flight.

And number two, because I want to avoid jet lag.

So I have an arsenal of medications to soothe me.

First of all, I have my good pal Lorazepam.

I take it on every flight I go on, just to take the edge off.

Haven’t fallen asleep yet, but wait. . .

I also have my pal Melatonin.

6 mg of that puppy should put me on the edge of lullaby land.

And if that isn’t enough, I plan to consume my friends Benadryl and Dramamine.

Because those fuckers ALWAYS make me sleepy when I’m having an allergy attack or trying to avoid motion sickness.

Do I want the less drowsy formulas?

No fucking way!

Only full drowsiness for me.

The bottom line is that I am prepared to force my body to fall asleep at 3 pm PST and wake up at 9 am Stockholm time (12 am PST).

I may turn into a slug and melt into my seat, but by God, I will get some rest!

Off I go. . .

Today I leave for Sweden.

I am so excited I can barely contain myself.

The only reason I’m not jumping out of my skin with enthusiasm is that the flights are 9 and 3 hours long.

With a 2 hour layover in Iceland.

Oh boy.

I am not the world’s most chill airplane traveler, despite the fact that I’ve flown small planes.

For some reason, although I know it’s a big, safe sky bus, it makes me nervous.

And when I get nervous, I pick at my nails.

And I REALLY don’t want to ruin my Swedish manicure.

Yeah, I bought blue and yellow gel nail polish and yellow striping and I gave myself a Swedish manicure.

Just because I can.

So cross your fingers, say a prayer, and think good thoughts for me as I rocket through the skies toward Stockholm.

Excited!