How bow dat?

Not surprisingly, I am one of those women who have experimented with Botox.

My foray into nonsurgical skin enhancement started when I turned 30.

I had sun damage and I wanted to get rid of it.

So I got a series of six fotofacials (to the tune of about $2,500) as a 30th birthday present to myself.

The results were GREAT!

Gone were those telltale California brown spots.

My skin was tighter, smoother, more refined, with less redness and wrinkles.

A few years after that, I noticed a little wrinkle starting to develop on my forehead.

So I took a DEEP BREATH and I got it treated with Botox.

And whaddya know, it worked!

Wrinkle erased.

It’s now been nearly 15 years since I started with facial enhancers like Botox and fotofacials.

Honestly, I need an update but I haven’t had the time to research the new technology that’s out there – DermPen and Spectra, to name a few.

And I’m not going to do anything to my face that’s named after a Bond movie without checking into it first.

Lately, I’ve been wondering about lip enhancement.

Because I have nice full lips, but when I smile my upper lip thins out.

Wouldn’t it be nice to have lips like a lipstick model?

All full and pillowy?

Well, I went online and checked that out and NOPE!

The whole idea of needles in my lips is REALLY HINKY!

Not gonna do it!

I guess I’ll just have to pout to show off my lips.

Or maybe, just maybe, I should start wearing LIPSTICK.

How bow dat?

Getting old SUX!

I’ll admit it, I was smug.

Growing up, I always had great skin.

No pimples. No breakouts.

Not even as a teenager.

But then I got older.

First, I got wrinkles.

None around my eyes, though I’m sure those are on their way.

But on my forehead and between my eyebrows.

Bring on the BOTOX!

Taken care of.

And all that sun damage from living in California?

Yeah, that showed up too.

All those times I slathered up with BABY OIL and hit the pool with NOT A STITCH OF SUNSCREEN ON AT ALL?

Finally caught up to me.

So I saw my dermatologist and had my sun damage removed, courtesy of 6+ FotoFacial sessions (a tidy little $1K investment).

Whew! Sun damage gone. What a relief!

Then I developed melasma on my forehead.

Courtesy of having babies (it’s also known as the pregnancy mask).

Not so easy to get rid of.

So at age 42, I finally started wearing foundation to cover up my melasma.

And then. . .


My hormones have hit the skids as I experience the beginning of menopause.


Large, red, angry, deep below the surface, sporting fucking horns and a pitchfork which they use to irritate the bejesus out of you.

So, at age 42, I had to go to my doctor and get a prescription for topical antibiotics to treat my acne.

All this is to say, I am of course fighting the inevitable.

One day, I will be a wrinkled old lady whose looks have long since faded.

Hopefully by the time that happens, I will be a coupled up, happy grandmother with plenty of love and adventure in my life.

But today, I’m just going to go ahead and say it: