Thankful

Well, sending love letters to my loved ones is still a project underway.

Given these unsettling times, I told everyone over a Chipotle dinner that I loved them.

That my children are the best things to happen to me.

And honest to God, they are.

Followed closely by the blessing of my parents.

Being adopted by them was a streak of good luck.

Of course, everyone snickered, and my eldest asked if I was feeling okay.

No, I’m not OKAY.

I’m worried.

Nervous about the future.

Suddenly I am thankful for the most mundane of things: a deep breath of air, a slice of chocolate cake, a sunrise. . .

My birthfamily too.

So if you were to ask me how “shelter-in-place” is going, I’d have to tell you I’m in THE BEST company.

If they’re not here with me, they’re close to me, carried in my heart.

And it feels good to remember how special they are to me.

Happy VD!

I had a WONDERFUL Valentine’s Day!

First of all I drove my mom to the airport so I had an early start to my Friday which meant when my office closed early for the holiday weekend, I got to start my weekend EVEN EARLIER!

Woot!

Many people sent me text messages wishing me a Happy Valentine’s Day.

I mean, how can you be SOUR when your friends and family pepper you with love?!

Then I took an uber to Campbell and I had a lovely dinner with Nadine before we commenced drinking and socializing with our friends for the Onesie Pub Crawl.

We hopped around from bar to bar and at each location, I drank a gin and tonic or two.

Round about 11 pm everyone headed to my least favorite spot In downtown Campbell so I called it a night and proceeded to head home.

Where I spent the next fee hours swiping right and left on Tinder.

Ah ha ha!

All in all, it truly was a lovely day and an even better evening.

I really had a blast watching people’s faces LIGHT UP when they spotted us in our crowd of onesies.

But the BEST part of the evening had to be when a firetruck filled with handsome firemen drove by me on the street and I caught the fireman on the rig smiling reflexively when they saw us.

Happy Valentine’s Day indeed!

Love Letters

This Valentine’s Day, I’m inspired to write love letters.

I know, I know, I HATE this holiday!

Why participate at all?

I guess on some level recognizing the love in my life resonates with me even if the holiday reminds me I’ve been single for fucking ever.

I was thinking this year I would write love letters to my family.

Tell them how much I love them and how much they mean to me.

Really personalize each letter.

Let my family and birth family know how much I love them.

Because they really are AMAZING people and I’m lucky to have them in my life.

And then I’d start in on my friends.

Because Lord knows that friends can be as close as family sometimes, if not closer.

I’ve got a lot of friends who support me who I’d like to send a love letter too.

What started me down this path, you ask?

Well I was on Facebook the other day watching people post public comments criticizing two people I love very much and I thought to myself that the only way to combat that kind of trash talk is to shower my friends and family with love.

And that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Birthday!

My birthday is coming up!

Last year I hosted a Bohemian Rhapsody themed birthday party at the premiere of Bohemian Rhapsody, the Freddie Mercury biopic.

Two years before that, I hosted a pirate’s pub crawl in Campbell with my friends.

All very fun.

This year, I’m going to my aunt and uncle’s house in Castro Valley to celebrate a late Halloween party.

I’m dressing up as a Lizzo-inspired performer.

Quite frankly, that’s as close as I can get to that bad ass bitch.

I’m excited, however.

Getting another year older is NBD.

It’s a luxury denied to many so I remind myself as I start to feel my creaking knees and spot gray hair on my head that I should be thrilled.

Lord knows that but for the grace of God, or the unraveling of the universe, I might not be where I am today.

Celebrating my birthday with family and friends.

I plan to celebrate my birthday for as long as I can and see as many friends and family as possible.

It’s just a BONUS that there’s costumes involved.

Woot!

The Silver Lining

There’s always a silver lining, or so they say.

It seems unspeakably wrong to have anything good come out of an active shooter situation.

The tragic loss of life and the incredible suffering of those affected by the horror of the shootings at the Garlic Festival far outweigh any positive outcome I could mention.

But I’ll mention it anyway.

People have come out of the woodwork to tell me how much they love me.

Just today, I got a video chat from my friend Michelle telling me how much she loves me and how glad she is that I’m safe.

My boys hugged me like they haven’t seen me in years.

I got calls from longtime friends asking how I’m doing and do I need to talk.

Nadine took me out to dinner Wednesday night.

It was the first time I’d seen her since the shooting.

I hugged her like time would never end.

Barbara called me up in tears, so worried that I came that close to an active shooter.

Everyone is so thankful that the new guy and I left early and weren’t there for the shooting.

It’s enough to make a grown woman cry.

And I did.

In the wake of the shooting (and The Swede’s engagement), I find myself comfortably cocooned in the love and affection of my friends and family, making a difficult week somewhat bearable.

Out of necessity, I think we all inhabit a place where life is less tentative and fragile than it is, until something happens to shock us out of our fog and make us aware that life is fleeting.

I’m living in that space right now.

Our capacity for causing pain is enormous.

All you need to do is read the headline news.

But it is surpassed by our ability to love, help, comfort and provide joy.

In the end, once I’ve moved through this painful place, that is what I’ll take away.

Beer whore

Going to karaoke did not turn out as planned.

I bombed on stage, got tired, and left early.

This time I’m trying something different.

This time I’m going to Game Night at the Hofbrau.

That’s right. . . tasty beer AND games, what could be better?

Judging from the RSVP list, this event looks more “Female Friendly” because I’m not the only woman who has signed up to attend.

If you recall, I was one woman among 20 men at karaoke.

No one can accuse me of not doing my part to make new friends.

I suppose it helps to STAY AWAKE when meeting them, but damn if I’m not exhausted after a day of working.

This time around, Game Night is taking place during the Thanksgiving holiday so I should be well rested and ready to win a few rounds of Monopoly.

Or, as The Swede likes to put it, I’m ready to CHEAT at Monopoly.

Personally, I’m just hoping to get out and have a good time.

Maybe meet a few new men and women.

One thing is for sure. . . I’ll DEFINITELY get to drink some good beer.

I absolutely LOVE the selection of beer at the Hofbrau.

I’d attend any type of event held there JUST TO DRINK BEER.

Oh,who am I kidding?

I’m not going for the games.

I’m going for the beer.

 

Trick or Treat: A Glimpse into Narnia

Every Monday night, a group of enterprising burners band together to trick to treat the nearby camps and Center Camp.

It’s a 2+ hour event where we wander all over asking for treats.

If we visit a camp that doesn’t have treats, we play a trick.

I dressed up as the St. Pauli Girl.

We also had a devil/angel, a Power Ranger, a zebra, two bees, a witch, a Minecraft robot and much much more.

We  managed to procure:  stickers, caramel corn, lollipops, quesadillas (made by flame thrower – see pic, below), etc.

We happened upon a camp and yelled, “TRICK OR TREAT!”

They opened up the door of a closet and it led to a chamber where we could walk into a cuddle puddle / chill space.

It was like opening a door to Narnia.

All that walking did me in and I was in bed at midnight, resting peacefully.

I know, I know.

Next time I will stay out longer.

I’m a blogger

I’m a blogger.

My life appears on the internet for other people to read and absorb.

I write because I have a bad memory and a diary is the best way for me to keep track of what happens in my life.

I put it on the internet because I’m trying to connect with other people, even if it’s just through a story.

I think there’s wisdom that can be gleaned between the lines of my life, if not by me then by someone else.

Everybody I write about, I fall in love with.

They represent a character in my life and whether temporary or permanent, they always play a part in my development.

Some people I clearly adore: my children, my family, The Swede, Tejas, Barbara, Michelle, Marina, and so many more.

Other people pop in and out, like Coke Can Dan, Jack and Jill, and The Photographer.

Rest assured they’ve all captured a place in my heart.

There is little I enjoy more than writing about a friend, new or old, who has captured my attention.

I never do them justice.

Personalities are far too rich and nuanced for me to capture in my simple writing.

But I try.

And honestly, nothing is better than reading old posts and being reminded of old friends I haven’t seen in a while so I pick up the phone and call.

I hope they know how much I love them.

Coke jokes

I might have let it slip among my friends at the Bare Burn that I nicknamed my friend “Coke Can Dan.”

I might have said, “I call him Coke Can Dan” but his real name is John so you better not call him Dan.

And they were good about it.

They never called him Dan.

But there we were at the Bare Burn, and literally all my friends were making Coke jokes.

Honestly, it didn’t bother Coke Can Dan.

He’s used to be heralded at parties and the like by women, much like myself, who can’t seem to keep their mouth shut about getting STUFFED!

Sometimes I wonder what it must be like, to have an appendage so big it needs its own zip code.

When lubrication isn’t a suggestion but a NECESSITY.

I joked with Coke Can Dan and told him that my lady parts could comfortably accommodate something half the size of his parts.

And in a way, that’s true.

When it comes to sparkling beverages, I’m more of a Red Bull kind of gal than a Coke Can kind of gal.

Of course, I’m being converted.

You all may get a giggle out of this post and wonder, silently, if I’m walking all right or if I have to step gingerly.

The answer is I can walk just fine, but I’d probably benefit from sitting on an ice pack.

Making Peace

I friended an ex-boyfriend on Facebook recently.

It’s been at least 6 years since we really spoke or saw each other.

I must say, more so that any other person in my life (besides my children) he has indelibly altered the course of my life.

Everything that I do now, from Burning Man to boudoir photos, I do because he taught me to explore life outside my comfort zone.

Test your edges, he used to say.

And then he pushed me to test them.

I think it was easy for me to make him the bad guy when things fell apart, specifically because he was so insistent that I explore new activities and interests.

In case you didn’t already know, change is hard.

It’s easy to sit in your comfort zone, with all the things you know and are familiar with.

It’s much harder to get out and try new things – things you might not understand too well or be instantly good at.

So. . .

I made peace with it.

And him.