Old friends are the best friends

The other day I managed to go out with an old friend.

Someone I’ve known for nearly 30 years but haven’t seen in the flesh since 2010.

Seven years!

And I’ll tell you, there’s nothing like an old friend.

You can go years without seeing them or talking to them and then just pick right back up where you left off as if no time has passed.

It’s awesome.

My dear friend, we’ll call him Rob, has had some rough times.

A lot can happen in seven years.

Which is why it was so great to see him and catch up with him.

We talked about difficult topics, like our divorces and our friend who died in 2001.

And we talked about cool things, like our awesome kids and our hobbies.

In the end, I didn’t want to go home.

I just wanted to hang out like we used to in college, playing pool, drinking white Russians (me) and beer over ice (him), and listening to grunge until we passed out.

What I wouldn’t give to live one of those days over again with him and our dear departed friend.

One thing is for sure, old friends carry your story with them and know you like no one else.

Old friends are the best friends.

THE INNER SANCTUM

barbara1I “inherited” my friendship with Barbara from my (now defunct) friendship with Danielle.

We met at a Curvy Girl anniversary party.

I remember Barbara was wearing a skull and crossbones corset that looked AMAZING.

barbara-corsetWe both got henna tattoos and waved our arms in the air like we don’t care, just drying our henna tattoos.

When my friendship with Danielle broke down, I assumed that Barbara would go away too.

But she didn’t.

She stayed.

Barbara and I look like sisters. Even MY OWN FATHER mistakes Barbara for me.

She may be a decade younger than me, but in sense and sensibility, she is a decade more advanced than I.

I aspire to be more like her.

Barbara is also a mystic.

She has the awesome power to observe relationships and predict their outcome based on her SUPERIOR POWERS OF ANALYSIS.

And she has no room for flakes.

I introduced her to my friend Brandon who is a pretty cool black man living in the City.

When he flaked on calling her back for a week, Barbara wrote him off.

DESPITE the fact that she had liked him.

Because Barbara is strong like that.

I am, of course, weak.

So I need someone like Barbara in my life to remind me that when flakiness happens to me, it’s a result of mediocre interest, not busy schedules.

 

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That is why, I’m proud to announce that Barbara has now been accepted into THE INNER SANCTUM.

And what is THE INNER SANCTUM, you wonder?

It’s a small yet elite group of women who enrich my life such that I am devoted to their own happiness and well being.

THE INNER SANCTUM has the power to veto relationships in my life.

Now, men who want to date me need the approval of:

  • My sister Lisa
  • My friend Michelle
  • My cousin Jennifer
  • My friend Barbara

I heart THE INNER SANCTUM. Those women always see the best in me and insist that I find a man who sees the same.

Needless to say, we’re still working on that.

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Best friends

IMG_7069The other day I was bemoaning the fact that I’ve gone on so many dates in the past few years and yet not met anyone I feel connected to.

Then I realized that was a lie.

Because I’d met Tejas – my Burning Man mentor and friend.

Tejas and I click.

We’re comfortable around each other.

We communicate well.

And most importantly, when we camp together, we get along just fine (which is important since we’re camping at Burning Man together this year).

Tejas looks after me.

He monitors things like my mood and my temperature to make sure I’m doing well.

When I’m making decisions based on my emotions, he slows me down and makes me reflect on what I’m doing.

He coaches me through my challenges.

He anchors me, which is important for me since I tend to float away if I’m left untethered.

Tejas is, quite possibly, my best friend.

Yes, I have to admit I love him to bits.

But I put him in the friend zone.

Why do I CONSTANTLY put men who I connect with in the friend zone?

My whole life, I’ve always had a best friend who was male – Andrew, Sherwin, Albert. . .

All men I could have had relationships with but passed on them.

Who knows why.

I know what I’m looking for and I’ve found it in many of my male friends.

But every time, I’ve always found a reason to avoid a romantic relationship.

So the trick is to find someone I feel this way about AND want a romantic relationship with.

It’ll happen.

It just takes time.

Years, apparently!

To quote Chewbacca mom, “PATIENCE!”

The Measure of a Man

Martin Luther King, Jr. said that “the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

If that’s the case, then my man Tejas measures up in spades.

He has been a good and true friend through the last few months with me. I just have to say how much I appreciate his support and guidance for Burning Man and life in general.

Instead of turning his back on me when I told him we were only friends, he embraced our friendship and has become one of my dearest, closest friends.

Even as he goes through tough times, he’s always there to lend me an ear and help me with my troubles. I only hope I do the same for him.

So here goes…. 20 Reasons Why I Love Tejas:

  1. He’s a lumberjack
  2. He knows his Burning Man shit
  3. He can put away whiskey
  4. Whiskey makes him emotional and vulnerable
  5. He drives a cute car (a Mini)
  6. He’s super funny
  7. He’s artistic (with EL wire)
  8. He’s got a pirate costume
  9. He’s a great kisser
  10. He’s good at spankings (don’t ask how I know)
  11. He’s always thinking of ways to improve things
  12. He lives in Aptos but is not hippy dippy-ish
  13. He lets me watch movies in his house
  14. He’s good at snuggling
  15. He’ll give you the good news with the bad news
  16. He thinks steak is a healthy protein
  17. He comes to visit me at my place
  18. The man loves his tequila
  19. He’s sexy riding his motorcycle
  20. He’s a free spirit

So this post is for my friend Tejas, who has been such a good and true friend to me he deserved his own post.

Bottle of whiskey forthcoming…. 😉

Friends

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendship lately, ever since Mark’s death. The truth is that at the time of his death, Mark and I were out of touch.

Oh, I thought about texting him once a week at least, but out of respect for his new relationship I never did.

And a little part of me was hurt that he wasn’t messaging me.

Now, I kick myself for not saying hi to him. For letting my pride get in the way of our friendship.

But how was I to know there was so little time left?

Today, I heard from my friend Olivier for the first time in years. Just a simple “Good Morning.” But it thrilled me to be back in communication with him.

How I miss that guy. How I miss so many of my friends. None more so that Andrew (who was murdered in 2001).

We all get caught up in our lives and forget that what really matters is the love that’s created between two people. The friendship that exists there.

If I’ve learned nothing from this week, hopefully I’ve learned to be a better friend. To be there even when it’s awkward. To hold less pride in myself. And for God’s sake, to never miss an opportunity to say how very much you mean to me.

Mystery Man

MMMystery Man hasn’t been blogged lately, but that’s not because he hasn’t been around.

Quite the opposite really. He’s there every day for me.

He’s been there for me during some difficult times which got me a little down.

He’s cheered me up by reaffirming our friendship, sharing his unwavering belief in my awesomeness, and showering me with compliments and praise.

Really, when we started out I thought he’s be a harmless flirtation. I never expected I’d want to share the highlights of my day with him and hear him share his with me.

And, at a time when I feel like I’ve lost a friends, it’s nice to have someone to fill the void. I like feeling like someone cares enough about me to want to be my friend.

It’s also especially nice because I can be myself around him. I don’t have to be perfect, or confident, or even happy all the time. He accepts me the way I am, however I come at him.

And that, my friends, is a rare gift indeed. And one I’m indebted to him for.

Landside of good karma

I have two secrets I keep from the general population. Only my friends and family know them.

Every now and then I make a new friend who captures my interest and my trust and I take a leap of faith and share my secrets with him/her.

Yesterday I told Mystery Man my two secrets.

He said, “You always find a way to draw me closer to you.”

And, “I just want to come over and hug you and hold you tight.”

“Now you know me,” I replied.

And you just have to love someone who says, “There is no need to get me to like you more. You have already succeeded with that.”

So sometimes the universe may conspire against me. But other times it send me a kind, generous, warm hearted friend to share a bit of my soul with.

For that I am unendingly grateful.

Can men and women be friends?

I briefly dated a guy. Let’s call him Matt. We saw each other for about 3 months. In that time we went on about 12 dates and had “sex” maybe 3 times. I use the word “sex” loosely because as it turned out, Matt was impotent and incapable of penetration.

Matt was awesome, however, and I adored him. We were great friends. And so even though my feelings weren’t all the way romantic towards him, I opted to get physical.

Fast forward a few months and I have finally called it quits with Matt. Mostly because he kept telling me how he wasn’t in love with me. He did it enough times and I finally got a clue…

….we were better off as friends.

We kept in touch as friends for the next three months until Matt got a girlfriend. And then I discovered how dispensable my friendship was.

“I must be brutally honest here and let you know we can’t have lunches any longer. With our history, my lady is just not comfortable with it. I don’t like to hurt anyone’s feelings, especially yours, but in this case I want to respect her wishes. I love her and want her to be completely comfortable. So in that light, I want to wish you all the happiness in the world, both personally and professionally. Take care Michelle.”

Now the first thing you have to understand is that this message hurt me deeply. The second thing you have to understand is that it pissed me off.

Why do men cater to insecure women who feel that any female is a threat to their relationship? I don’t understand this. But I have a feeling men like jealousy in a woman. Why else would Matt agree to dump a pretty great friendship? Why wouldn’t he suggest we at least meet each other and see if his lady could be more comfortable with me?

Love makes men insane and it turns women into raging bitches sometimes.

Is this a portent of things to come? Will she start controlling his friendships with men too? His social life? YOU EFFING BET SHE WILL.

Why stop at a slice when you can OWN THE WHOLE PIE?

So can men and women be friends? You better bet your ass they can.  But not if there’s an insecure woman involved. Then that bitch is devious.

And Matt…. Well I have parting words for him…

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Edward is back

photo(21)And you thought you saw the end of Edward on this blog.

Well, remember how I told you that he needed time to think?

He thought.

And decided we should be friends.

I was having a bad day yesterday and I cried when we talked – just a few tears.  I am actually thankful for his friendship right now.  And comfortable not asking for more.

The other big news is that Edward has this blog address and has read all his posts.  If you’d like to read his responses you can go here and here.

Readers, meet Edward 🙂