Color me happy

Once again, I somehow managed to convince not one but TWO friends that it would be fun to run around on a muddy field throwing paint at each other for Stanford’s Holi celebration.

Poor Barbara and Yvonne.

Truthfully, Barbara knew EXACTLY what she was getting into because she went with me last year.

Yvonne was a total newbie and it was fun introducing her to the CHAOS THAT IS HOLI.

Think Indian music, Bollywood dancing, Indian food, and A WHOLE LOT OF COLOR!

Basically you go to Holi to enjoy this festival of spring by throwing color on all your friends.

A few tips:

  1. Wear sunglasses to protect your eyes.
  2. Keep your mouth closed or you’ll be eating color.
  3. Whatever you do, DON’T GET WET. The dye will set in.
  4. Wear white. It shows off the color to the best advantage.
  5. Have fun and wish everyone a HAPPY HOLI!

Here is our BEFORE photo!

And here we are mid festival:

And finally, what we look like when we exited the festival:
So much fun!

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Me and the Swede

michelleOooooohhhhh.

I talked to the Swede again.

And by talk, I mean text.

And by Swede, I mean genuinely, authentically from Sweden.

He’s tall and handsome and kisses like his life depends on it.

It’s sooooooo good.

We went on a first date a few months ago when he was visiting the Bay Area for work.

We said goodnight without kissing goodbye.

We went on a second date a little later and again said goodbye without kissing goodnight.

Then something came over us on the third date.

Perhaps he figured “why not at least TRY kissing her?”

I know I thought I’d been friend zoned.

Then he kissed me and WOW!

Perfection!

So he’s coming back to the Bay Area in May.

And if he can swing it, he might be here for UnSCruz which I’ve described as a moveable party with fire spinning, music, dance, art, performance, and community.

There’s even a wedding this time around!

I think he was intrigued.

So cross your fingers that he can arrange his travel and make it to UnSCruz.

It’ll be a hell of a time, I’ll tell you that!

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Sext Panther

michelleI am a sext panther.

Why, just the other day, I entertained not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR different men via sexting.

I couldn’t help myself.

It was so good.

It all began when I had the BRILLANT idea of finding someone to draw on me with Sharpies.

My mind immediately went to my friend (he’s single) who is an artist who draws these amazing angular, monochrome drawings of people. Talent!

In any case, I texted him my idea and wound up smack dab in the middle of a conversation about how he and his partner broke a spreader bar the other night during a particularly vigorous sesh.

That was when I lost control and started sexting everyone in my phone.

Because you can only sext with friends for so long until they become MORE THAN FRIENDS and I’m trying to keep it platonic.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Too late, I know.

It’s been a long time since I’ve seen action of any kind and I have to admit, I missed it.

I felt like I was coming hom to my grandma’s house and her tasty meatloaf and cookies, only grandma’s house was cyber space and the meatloaf was pictures of all my goodies.

Now, I do feel SLIGHTLY guilty about partaking in this naughty activity so thoroughly.

I didn’t just dip a toe in, I jumped in full force and spewed a tidal wave of hormones in its wake.

I literally couldn’t help myself.

Each man was so engaging and so much fun to sext with.

Before I knew it, I was sexting all four and HAVING A BLAST!

Not sure if I plan a repeat performance, but for this time being, I AM ONE HAPPY WOMAN!

SoulFire is coming up!

white witch michelleI will be camped out in my tent, Pete, with Tejas.

He didn’t want to bring the RV this time so we’re tenting it.

I’ve got all sorts of costumes to wear:

My rainbow jumpsuit

My see-through kaftan

My white wizard outfit

My light up tutu

I’m totally excited to see what SoulFire brings to me and what I bring to it.

I’ve got gifts to give away – light up rings, SPF30 organic chapstick, AND LED HEART PINS!

Woot!

Last Soulfire I went to I wrote about some friends and got TOTALLY BUSTED!

So this year there will be no posting about SoulFire, save my own escapades there.

I got a little wild last time. We’ll have to see what transpires this time.

Will I hook up with someone new and have a serious makeout sesh?

Will I traipse around naked by the pool and hot tub?

Will I get nicely inebriated and dance my head off?

Chances of all things happening are pretty good, so cross your fingers, say a prayer, and wish the best for me!

‘Cuz it’s gonna be fun!

Finally, an easy adventure!

terrariumSomething new for me to do!

Remember Paint Nite?

You show up at a restaurant, eat and drink while following an artist instructing you on how to paint the featured painting for the night.

Well, now there’s Plant Nite!

You show up at a restaurant, eat and drink while following a gardener instructing you on how to create a succulent terrarium.

I’m totally excited!

The Plant Nite I signed up for is taking place in Santana Row so it’ll be fun to stroll around before and/or after the class and take in the shops and restaurants of Santana Row.

Although quite frankly I’m more interested in LED wired purple faux fur cropped jackets than I am in haute couture.

Burning Man, how you have changed me!

I wear $2 heart sunnies from Forever 21 now instead of $400 Chanel sunglasses.

In any case, I’m super duper happy because I found a coupon code that took $15 off the cost of Plant Nite (PLANTHERE35) in case any of you want to use it at plantnite.com.

Finally, an adventure that doesn’t requite me to put on a wetsuit, take an anti anxiety pill, or wear closed toed shoes.

I can live with this!

The post that ends with me doing the splits in a restaurant

IMG_9184From kindergarten to 8th grade, I attended a private school in Saratoga, California.

Most of my friends were friends for years.

I don’t remember too much about that time, except putting notes in my shirt pocket, hoping the boys would see them and “take” them away.

Life was pretty drama-free, so I tried to create a little.

Can you blame a girl?

Truth be told, I was interested in boys but they weren’t interested in me.

So…sigh… the notes.

Yes, I was an bumbling little thing with a funky feathered haircut and a little too much baby fat.

IMG_9194Over the years, I lost touch with most of my classmates, only to reconnect years later in the “Facebook Era.”

Yesterday, a group of us got together.

David, Jenny, Rusty, Manisha, Christy, and me.

David and Jenny used to crush on each other.  Christy used to crush on Rusty.  Rusty is newly single.  Manisha talked about being the lone Indian girl in a school full of white kids. We talked about everyone we knew from grade school and how they were doing.

And then there was me.

Awkward still.  Telling off-color stories.  Like the time I peed my pants in an Uber ride.

Oh God, did I REALLY tell that story?!

So I did what any gal would do to distract from my awkwardness.

I did the splits.

You can take the girl out of middle school but you can’t take the middle school out of the girl.

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Heaven & Hell

The Heaven & Hell (aka Angels & Demons) party was incredible.

As usual.

There were LOTS OF DEMONS and only a few angels.

One birthday girl dressed up as a devil in the blue dress. The other birthday girl was a black demon.

My costume came together nicely, including the black garters I wore with thigh high stockings.  Later, Tejas attempted to show a new friend how the clips on garters work so I lifted my skirt to demonstrate.  However, he couldn’t get them to work and I wasn’t about to stand there with my skirt up waiting patiently for him to figure it out.  Next time, Tejas.  🙂

IMG_8879It took me a good 30 minutes to get my black sclera contact lenses into my eyes. Here I am with one lens in:

scleraTejas took me to the party, even though he wasn’t feeling well. He was dressed as a priest with a full Roman collar, plus a kilt. And I have it on good authority that he was going regimental under that kilt.

michelle and tejasWhen we arrived, with tequila and Fireball in hand, a woman was setting up the catering for the event and she did an awesome job. There was a ton of food for everyone to nosh on.

And the costumes? Oh, the costumes.

One guy wore his devils tail in the front, cuz…. you know.

Another partygoer had on a white jumpsuit with a halo which he had built himself with flashing lights.

Another guest wore red vinyl pants with black fur trim. AND YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT VINYL!!!

Wings were de rigeur, with everyone, including myself, sporting a pair.

michelleSadly, before the festivities got really underway I had to leave because Tejas started to have an allergy attack.

But there was fire spinning, flogging, and lots and lots of shenanigans.

Too. Much. Fun.

Pleasure Party

After working a 12 hour day, I decided to take a detour on my way home and stop by my friend Melissa’s Pleasure Party.

It was a treat to hang out with an eclectic bunch of women fascinated by a discussion of all things pleasurable.

Our pleasure consultant was knowledgeable, skilled, and funny which is a prerequisite if you’e going to give a sex talk.

Much humor is needed.

 Also needed are jello shots…

 Our consultant had a whole table of toys including Lelo, bullets, oils, massage creams, candles, vibrators, dildos, and more.

My favorite part of the evening was when the consultant demonstrated how a little sleeve called Mimi could make giving a blow job that much easier.

All in all, a great time was had by everyone.  And I got to see my girl crush.

That was worth the price of admission.

So what did I buy?

Lotions, potions, and things that go BUZZ in the night.

Happy girl!

Pollock Pines Trip

It took Duncan and I 4 hours to get from the South Bay to Pollock Pines but when we got there it was nothing but fun from start to finish.

To begin with, my son had been BEGGING me to go up there so he could ride his new dirt bike with the boys – Nick, Travis, and Uncle Donald.

We unloaded his dirt bike and then begged with family until bed time.  Aunt Stacey and Jennifer had stories to tell to keep up entertained and I ate them up.

In the morning, my normally lazy son got himself out of bed and took off with the men to go clear some areas around the house.  You’ll remember there was a devastating forest fire several months ago that ravaged Pollock Pines and came within a few feet of my uncle and aunt’s property.

While the guys were out working, the girls were out shopping – Aunt Stacey, Jennifer, Bella, and Nick’s girlfriend Caitlin.  We hit the Walmart in Placerville.

When we got back to the cabin, I started making pineapple upside down cake shots (courtesy of my friend Barbara’s recipe).  It’s cake flavored vodka with tropical pineapple juice in it.  Yum!  We did shot after shot.

Duncan fell in love with Louie, my aunt and uncle’s black lab and he held him like a lap dog and carried him around like a baby.

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 He even tried to sneak Louie in our car when we were heading home.

There was some ping pong playing.  A few people got hit in the face.  There was some dirt biking riding at midnight. Oh wait, no.  That got shut down by Aunt Stacey.  Thank goodness.

And finally on Sunday we all came together to cheer on Green Bay and watch them beat those sea chickens.  Sadly, that did not happen.  But at least it was a old game.

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And on Sunday the boys FINALLY got to burn.

All in all, a stellar weekend with my wonderful family. Love you guys!

The Porno*

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She and her girlfriend left their toys in the trunk of my car the night before.

Feeling guilty of depriving them of their lovely new vibrators and paddles, I decided to drop them off on my way home.

I came inside for just a few minutes, or so I thought.

Her boyfriend showed up and before I know it, a porno was unfolding before my eyes and I WAS IN IT.

Seriously, I could not make this shit up.

Pretty fucking amazing.

 

*I may or may not be lying about half of what I just said. Then again, I could be telling the truth.