Glitter Bomb

The new guy and I went out for his birthday to a new restaurant called One Pot Shabu Shabu.

Shabu shabu literally means ‘swish swish’ in Japanese and it involves thinly sliced vegetables, meats and seafood swished in a pot of hot broth.

After taking him for Ethiopian food, I’m afraid now I’m getting a reputation among his family members as being the girl who takes him to unusual places.

This doesn’t bother me.

I’d rather be the woman who he has new experiences with than a woman he repeats old familiar patterns with.

Just don’t expect me to eat bugs.

The new guy picked me up in his Corvette.

I was wearing a brown shirt with little flecks of glitter on it.

I proceeded to MOOP ALL OVER THE INSIDE OF HIS CAR.

I’m so sheepish.

The thing is I KNOW BETTER than to wear glitter ANYTHING.

This was a shirt my mom bought me and I loved the gray-brown shade of the blouse.

But I do not like glitter.

And I’m SO EMBARRASSED that I MOOPED in that beautiful car.

According to the new guy, it took a rag and 10 seconds to ‘swish’ the glitter out of his car, but STILL. . .

Bona Fide

One thing you should know about Barbara is that she is a trend setter.

Barbara got eyelash extensions.

I got eyelash extensions.

I even went to the same technician to get my lashes done.

The latest trend Barbara is embracing is sparkly coffin-shaped nails.

I too have embraced this trend.

Of course, I go to the same woman that Barbara uses.

When I was leaving the salon, I ran into Barbara’s former roommate.

She gets her nails done there too!

We all follow Barbara’s beauty regime!

Tejas took one look at my nails and called me a sparkle pony.

In Burning Man speak that’s “All fluff, no substance.”

Do I care?

NO.

Because honestly, I LOVE my long sparkly coffin nails.

Barbara should get free beauty treatments, I think.

She’s like a living, breathing advertisement for the services she gets.

And of course, you know when Barbara researches something you’re getting a great deal.

She doesn’t spend her money on sub-standard treatments.

No.

My girl wants the best and that’s what she gets.

So anything with her STAMP OF APPROVAL on it is bona fide.

Run out and get you some sparkly coffin nails and see if you’re not delighted with the finished product. . .

Things that SEEM sexy but aren’t IRL

  1. Wings – inspired by Drew Barrymore’s character in Ever After, I wore wings and a ballgown to a wedding imagining I’d look like a beautiful angel. Reality set in when I was unable to move for fear of wacking people with those “beautiful” wings. Not my most brilliant idea.
  2. Latex knickers – I tried these out once. Getting them on and off is a chore. Worse yet, you get dressed and undressed to a chorus of latex farts. Imagine rubbing two balloons together. Definitely NOT sexy.
  3. Glitter – oh glitter, how I love to hate you. You definitely make me think I look beautiful when I wear you but you hang around for fucking forever! No wonder you’re called PLAYA HERPES!
  4. Pasties – looks sexy, huh? Not so much when you have to take them off and the top three layers of your skin is removed with them. So. Not. Sexy.
  5. Man buns – all well and good until you realize your man has a more EXTENSIVE hair care regime than you. Hard pass!
  6. No undies – there’s a reason we’re supposed to wear underwear. There’s moisture that accumulates that needs to be ABSORBED. Without underwear it’s like a hot sauna in Thailand between your legs and smells similar.
  7. Shower sex – trust me, I just tried this and my memories of it were nicer than the reality. Not gonna lie here, it was AWKWARD AF!
  8. Lip gloss – oh you make my lips look so sexy but the moment I kiss someone and it transfers to them I realize what a sticky mess lip gloss truly is.
  9. Sex on the beach – not the drink, actual SEX on the BEACH. One word for you. Sand. Enough said.
  10. Chocolate body paint – pretty much anything edible you put on your body to entice your lover to dine there is gonna make a sticky mess. I did this once to my ex-husband and REGRETTED IT INSTANTLY WHEN HE WAS LATE SHOWING UP FROM WORK AND CHOCOLATE SAUCE DRIPPED INTO MY ARMPITS. It’s the things you never think about. . .

Burning Man through the eyes of a beauty magazine

While trolling Pinterest for Burning Man ideas and inspiration, I came across a Glamour UK article on “10 Incredible Beauty Looks from Burning Man.”

IMG_9383I was intrigued.

What would Glamour magazine have to say on the subject and isn’t it interesting that the styles of Burning Man have reached internationally across the globe?

What followed was a series of 10 pictures, each one like the rest, of women sporting serious face paint, jewelry, glitter, and bindis.

IMG_9385Oh dear.

Not my experience of Burning Man beauty at all, but probably a good representation of what a beauty magazine would choose to emphasize.

Setting aside the wisdom of using glitter and jewels which can fall off sweaty faces in the desert heat and become MOOP (Matter Out Of Place), I just have to say that I was disappointed.

I’ve seen beautiful faces at Burning Man.

  • A woman emerging from the Sauna Dome with a flushed red face and a look of pleasure on her face.
  • Or the exhilaration reflected in the flames on the face of a woman watching the Man burn.
  • Or silent tears slipping down the face of a woman at Temple, making peace with the passing of her father.

I know it’s unfair of me to negate the view of a beauty rag that has such a narrow definition of beauty. Obviously, this is beauty too.

But what I think is beautiful about Burning Man, what I think is truly extraordinarily beautiful, is more than just glitter, glamour, and perfect cheekbones.

It’s the life in the faces of the people you see.

They’re ALIVE!

There is no makeup in the world that can achieve that look.

And, of course, no beauty magazine, is going to understand the nuance of beauty you apply to your face v.s. beauty that comes from within.

What was I thinking?!