Growing up

I’ve had no dates since returning from Sweden.

It’s not that I’m consciously trying to be loyal to The Swede.

It’s because I simply can’t stomach the quality of men I meet online.

Did you know that one man thanked me for moving my beer on the first date because (as he put it), he “could see my tits better without the glass in the way?”

Mind you, I have behaved no better.

I’m no “holier than thou” woman.

Nope.

I sent dirty pictures.

I wore low cut dresses.

And I flirted with the best of them.

In the end, online dating is not any way to make a connection with somebody.

Although, I did meet The Swede on Tinder.

Go figure.

One in a fucking billion.

And I had to import him from ANOTHER COUNTRY!

You’d think, given my inclinations, that I’d be missing all those dates, and sexting, and flirtations.

But you’d be wrong.

I’m not missing it ONE BIT.

Maybe it’s because I can skype The Swede whenever I want.

But also?

It’s because I can TEXT The Swede whenever I want.

Kidding!

Maybe he’s a big part of why I’m happy, but he’s not the ONLY reason I’m happy.

I’ve got a hundred other reasons to be happy starting with my boys.

I guess this is growing up.

Just Like Honey

O. M. G.

The response to my “Thick Thighs and Bodacious Breasts” post has been AMAZING.

Imagine spending your whole life HATING your body only to find a smidge of love for it at age 43.

You write a blog post about that little smidge of love and you get love in return.

Now.

I know it’s not for every one.

Body diversity is a beautiful thing, whether you’re tiny, big, or in between

I originally posed for boudoir photos because I couldn’t imagine anything harder than posting images of my body on the internet.

You’ll notice that most of the images I use are close up selfies.

And even after I posted my boudoir photos, I snuck in the picture of me standing, in full thick thigh glory, to another unpublicized post.

I didn’t like the photo but knew that for personal reasons, I had to post it.

So, given that I virtually BURIED the image of my thighs in my blog, you can imagine my surprise to find it was the most CLICKED ON image in my ENTIRE site.

Maybe it was curiosity that made people click.

Maybe it was desire.

Or maybe disgust.

Hopefully more of the former, less of the latter.

In any case, I just want to say how touched I am that you all took a moment to read my post and share your approval of it, even if you’re not into thick thighs.

And if you are into thick thighs. . .

. . .mine are sweet and thick, just like honey!

But the BEST PART OF THE DAY was getting this message from someone special:

Save

Holiday Hookup

IMG_8521At this time last year I was dating The Israeli.

Sure, he turned out to be an ass hat who ghosted me over Christmas after giving me a facial, but for a while there I was having fun.

Now.

Dates have been few and far between lately since I stopped internet dating.

And I’ll admit, when I got an email from Match.com with pictures of my “matches” I paused and glanced at a few of them.

I looked but I didn’t click.

I LOVE the holidays.

It’s my favorite time of year, the days between my birthday and New Year’s Day.

The only thing that could make my holiday better would be a holiday hookup, but I don’t see how that’s even possible given that I’m not meeting anyone.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who also loved the holiday season and I think our first Christmas together was the happiest I’ve been IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

We listened to holiday music together, explored the Bay Area, and I chronicled all of it with pictures and photo books.

Yup, I was THAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND.

This year, I think I’m destined to go through the holidays solo.

And I’m okay with that.

It’s much better to go through the holidays alone than go through the holidays with a face full of Israeli cum and a ghost.

Right?

Boobalicious

I often say insane things and one of my more famous quotes is, “The world would be a much happier place if we could only see more tits.”

Oversimplified? Yes, but still true.

A glimpse of the globes or a partial nip slip, and grins start to appear on our faces. It’s an interesting phenomenon, but it explains our fascination with Pamela Anderson.

It also explains my preoccupation with my cousin Jennifer’s exhibitionist ways. Tits make me happy and as a sexually frustrated, card-carrying heterosexual, I’m not embarrassed to admit it.

I don’t always check out the women at the gym, but sometimes I do. Not because I’m comparing (although I can’t say that those thoughts don’t cross my mind), but because I know that millions of men would pay to be standing where I’m standing and seeing what I’m seeing so I’m just going to soak up the view and gloat internally.

Oddly enough, I’ve only ever had one boyfriend who was in to tits, and just ‘cuz it’ll bug Jennifer I’m going to admit it was Steve. I find this a little odd and very ironic since one of my best features besides my Zezza butt is my boobs. This is just further evidence that I always manage to date THE WRONG MAN!

Manufacturers are cashing in on the boob craze with interesting products designed to lift your spirits and make you smile. Isn’t it nice to see products like this on the market, which allow anyone to enjoy not just the sight of a nice pair of tits, but also the feel?

image

I feel compelled to point out the importance of not installing this in your guest bathroom (unless you have THOSE kinds of guests). Brings new meaning to “lather, rinse, and repeat!”

Primp

When my youngest son came out at age 12, I was supportive.

I’d always suspected that he was gay so the surprise wasn’t that he came out, but that he had the PRESENCE OF MIND to know himself at age 12.

He is an amazing human being who possesses such kindness and compassion for others that I get a little weepy just thinking about it.

He wants to be a veterinarian.

Now, as a mother of two boys, I don’t get the opportunity to do girl things very much.

I get mani/pedis with my sister-in-law and my girlfriends on occasion.

But that’s about it.

So you can imagine my happiness when I discovered that my son has a penchant for personal care.

He mixes shampoos to get the exact fragrance he wants his hair to have.

And he uses face care products to improve his complexion.

I recently went on a spending spree and bought a bunch of skin care products including some Korean face products like sheet masks, sunblock, and CC creams.

Just to try, you know.

I knew it wouldn’t take much coercion to convince my son to try a new clay mask with me.

This Milky Piggy Carbonated Clay Mask by Elizavecca:

mud maskIt’s AWESOME!

Leaves your face feeling clean and fresh.

Add a little moisturizer after and you’re set.

So my son and I put on the mask and it bubbled until it tickled our noses.

He said I looked like SHREK.

I said he looked like a hairy WEREWOLF.

IMG_9912In the end, I had a great time and it was a lovely bonding experience with my son.

Therefore I wasn’t surprised when I woke up to this message on my phone.

FullSizeRender(1)He apparently found the pack of sheet masks that I bought.

“Mine?” he asked.

“I’ll share,” I replied.

That’s my boy!

I know I’m going semi naked but…

Okay.  I know I’m going to be semi naked (aka partially nude) at Burning Man.

For the most part I’ve given up the idea of wearing outfits and instead have embraced expediency (wear what’s easy), pragmatism (wear what’s comfortable), and cultural norms (be your own sexy self).  But then THIS arrived in the mail and if you could ONLY IMAGINE HOW HAPPY IT MADE ME you would give me one of these every day for the rest of my life just to see me that happy on a regular basis.

It’s a cutout rainbow jumpsuit.

With sparkles.

I did not take the jumpsuit off once I put it on.  I actually SLEPT in it, I loved it that much.  See the SPARKLES (not glitter sparkles that can fall off and become MOOP but sparkles sewn into the fabric!)

I showed my mother and she screwed up and face and said she didn’t like my cleavage.

What’s wrong with my cleavage, I ask you?

I think my cleavage looks great.  And just to show how “in the mood” the jumpsuit made me feel, I put on my “LOVE” glasses and danced around the house as my own sexy self!

Love you all!

Still Single

Yes, I’m still single.

I know you would like me to meet someone but I have to tell you, more than ever I am really comfortable and embracing my single status.

I’m certainly having a lot of fun as a single woman.  My latest adventures are a testament to that.

And now that I’m OMing, I have an orgasm practice in my life – kinda like yoga.

But beyond that, OMing has brought some real, meaningful friendships into my life with both men and women.

And I find these new connections incredibly fulfilling.

So yes, I may still check my Match and POF emails periodically.  They are, by the way, brimming with messages from men as if they sense my shift in attitude and newfound happiness.  But I’m not in contact with anyone.

And I’m just fine with that.

I’m hoping to find a man who OMs (or wants to learn).