Seeing Red

I’ve always had a thing for red dresses ever since I saw the movie Pretty Woman:

The movie came out in 1990, and in 1991 when I went to my Senior Ball, I commissioned a similar dress made out of red velvet:

I loved the dress so much I wore it again in 1994 for my Junior Ball in college which I coerced my friend to take me to:

Then, I bought another red dress, this one with a strappy red back, which I wore out with my friends in college:

And another red dress which I wore to my Junior League formal in 2008:

Needless to say, there have been countless other red dresses I’ve worn – the red mesh dress, my Jessica Rabbit sequin dress, and so many more:

Sadly my MOST FAVORITE red dress, a vintage David Meister dress with a keyhole neckline, which I wore to my Law School Formal I never took a picture in, but it looked like this:

I did however keep the dress and if I ever fit into it again, I will most definitely be posing for pictures in it.

Not surprisingly, I’ve been eyeballing these dresses online:

But since we’ve established that I already have enough red dresses (not to mention my tax accountant will KILL me if I buy another dress), I will not be purchasing any new outfits, especially red ones.

But oh, the love in my heart for them. . .

Class of 2020

It’s a thing apparently to post a picture of your high school graduation photo in support of the class of 2020 who will graduate without the custom festivities that surround the occasion.

It has been 30 years since I graduated high school and though I can’t find my high school graduation photo, I did come across a photo of my sister and I AT OUR HIGH SCHOOKL GRADUATION posing for pictures in an area of our school known as The Donut.

Yes, my sister and I are the same age and we graduated together.

As I look back on our high school days I am overwhelmed with the knowledge of how much potential we had back then.

The world was our oyster and we were prepared to devour it.

My sister became a home health care nurse.

She is on the front lines fighting this terrible virus and I am in awe that she can get up every day and take care of patients when I can barely take care of myself and my family.

She is even in the process of getting her Nurse Practitioner license and I am wildly proud of her for all that she has accomplished as a single woman making her way in the world.

I have been decidedly less independent than her, getting married at twenty two, starting a family and raising a beautiful daughter and a headstrong son.

So much life lies ahead of the Class of 2020.

I have no doubt they will make their mark in the world, whatever they decide to do with their lives.

So Happy Graduation to the Class of 2020!

May your road be long and prosperous!

Meow!

So my friend Mark was messaging me the other day when the topic of HIGH SCHOOL REUNIONS came up.

As I rule, I have shunned reunions.

I think they exist so that graduates can go through unnecessary efforts to show off how GREAT they are doing while simultaneously gossiping about other graduates.

It all seems a little forced and contrived.

I keep in touch with all the people I want to from high school.

And now that there’s Facebook, I can keep in touch with all the people I didn’t want to keep in touch with from high school.

I joke.

I LOVE all my Facebook friends.

In any case, I half jokingly said that if I were to go to a reunion, I’d wear my Cheshire cat costume from Burning Man.

cheshire catAnd that’s when it hit me. . .

I really WOULD wear a costume to a reunion.

Just to show how seriously I take all the pomp and circumstance surrounding a reunion.

Meow!

Blow Job Aborted

bj1In high school I lived in a house with a long, skinny driveway with bends in it.

It was difficult to navigate backing out of my driveway.

Once, I got picked up by my date – a younger, sexy man with the biceps of a god.

He complained about my driveway and so believing I could motivate him to do it quickly, I gave him some incentive.

“If you back out in less than 30 seconds I’ll give you a blow job,” I said.

Zip! He was out of that driveway in a jiffy, and grinning from ear to ear.

It wasn’t like I minded or anything. I would have given him one anyway.

Later that evening we were kissing. I pulled back and looked at him.

AND THAT’S WHEN IT HAPPENED.

“Goodnight LISA, I mean MELISSA, I mean MICHELLE,” he stammered.

Strike one, strike two, strike 3, you’re out!

And just like that his blow job was aborted.

First kiss

Naley-s-first-kiss-haley-james-scott-10987874-960-640My very first kiss happened at the Winter Ball my sophomore year in high school. Dan took me to the dance. He was a charismatic mixed race young man – half black and half white. He wore a dark gray suit – jacket off – with a skinny Miami Vice tie. I wore a dress of black velvet and shimmery silver georgette. Hello 1988! My friend Nikki convinced me to go with Dan. He was her friend. And I later found out he had a huge crush on me when I found a stash of fantasy letters he sent to Nikki which starred him and I in what I can only describe as pornographic scenarios.

“She’s Like The Wind” started to play over the loudspeakers. Dan and I moved to the dance floor and began an awkward slow dance. He pulled me closer. I felt like I was rubbing up against my brother. I tried to put some distance between our bodies.

I pulled back from him and that’s when he made his move. He kissed me. Being young, sheltered, and naive, I thought it would be a dry kiss on the lips. But before I knew it, there was a tongue in my mouth.

I had no idea what to do with it, nor the inclination to find out. I’ve always described my first kiss as “like kissing my brother.” Horrible. Awkward. Wrong.

Later on, I would have much better experiences with kisses. But this first kiss…. well, it took me a while to get over it.

And Dan? Well he became a sex therapist. I nearly passed out when I heard the news.

I thought back to all those pornographic letters and figured it was probably the perfect career choice for Dan.