Retail Therapy

After witnessing that road rage incident in Los Gatos, I went home and indulged in a little retail therapy.

Getting outfits for Florida AND letting off a little steam?

Just what I needed.

Believe it or not, I found a plethora of summer dresses on deep discount at Nordstrom Rack.

I bought a $200 Show Me Your Mumu dress for $40.

I also bought two other dresses at $30 a piece.

So I now have a total of 5 new dresses and I’m spending 7 days in Florida.

Perfect.

I did come across a dress with a tropical cocktail print that I would LOVE to wear on my vacation, however it is no longer available in my size.

I’m posting it here so you can look at it and sigh, along with me:

What I haven’t really worked out yet is my bathing suit situation.

Of course I have a new high waisted black bikini:

But we’ve already established that I’m not too keen on wearing my bikini.

So I MIGHT wear this cool one piece I have:

I love the lace up sides and strappy top.

Tejas assures me BOTH suits are appropriate, especially given the fact that I will be there with my favorite Swede.

Tejas believes that Europeans have a different view of the scantily clad human form.

All I am hoping is that The Swede likes MY form.

It’s Official!

Well, it’s official!

I fly into Florida on April 21st and I return to the Bay Area on the 28th.

In that week, I’ll get to hang out with The Swede and his goalie daughter.

As I’ve been perusing my closet, I’ve come across things I’m NOT going to wear in Florida.

A bikini, of any kind.

Not even high-waisted.

If MY kids roll their eyes when I’m wearing one, I should spare The Swede’s daughter the awkwardness.

A harness.

Ok, this is odd, but I did come across a harness I wore under a bathing suit to give it that dominatrix feel.

Not gonna need that in Florida.

Also?

The tan lines!

Another thing I’m not bringing with me?

Any kind of muumuu.

But I do have a rainbow colored kaftan which I love so I MIGHT have to break this rule.

But only because this is a special kaftan and it makes me happy to wear it.

Also, it takes up almost no space in my luggage.

And space is a consideration.

What I am going to bring?

Sunblock.

And lots of it.

I’m going to BATHE in it three times a day.

This hat

I bought a hat worthy of a diva to shade me from the sun.

And finally, one thing I will be bringing on my trip to Florida. . .

. . .

Damn near the most perfect wedge sandal I’ve laid eyes on.

Perfect with every dress I bring.

Live Boldly

I am notorious for having a messy room.

The kind where you can’t see the floor through all the clothing on it.

It’s partially because I have a small closet.

And also because I have a shit ton of clothes.

Not to mention costumes.

The other day, I cleaned up my room and when I did, I came across this:

Yes, it’s a fishnet maxi dress.

I didn’t even remember having it, let alone buying it.

But I like it a lot.

And I am SO HOPING that I’m bold enough to wear it at the burn because I just got this to go with it:

Because what do you wear under a sheer dress?

A high waisted black bikini.

If Ashley Graham can do it, so can I.

Now, I have bought high waisted bikinis many times to wear at the burn.

Don’t forget my triple-waste-of-time-and-money bikini bottoms:

I certainly haven’t quite mastered the art of living boldly.

But I’ve got all the accessories!

Do unicorns neigh?

So.

I bought a pair of fence net stockings to wear with my rainbow striped bodysuit.

Stockings are hit and miss with me so I ordered one pair to see if they fit, figuring I’d order more if it ALL WORKED OUT.

Oh, the trials of being a THICK GIRL.

I carefully slip them on.

THEY FIT!

I then attempt to remove them.

They formed a tight little tourniquet around my ankles.

I try to unroll them.

It’s USELESS.

I just wasted a pair of stockings.

Into the trash they go and I’m back online buying three more pairs for Burning Man.

Whether or not I ACTUALLY WEAR this outfit remains to be seen.

But I did wear it at UnSCruz so chances are good. . .

Then I go online on etsy and I come across these FANTASTIC HIGH WAISTED BOOTY SHORTS in all sorts of lovely patterns courtesy of FabBikini in the UK.

AND OMG, I WAS IN LOVE!

I bought three.

And just because I got the pastel unicorn bikini bottom, I bought pink and purple fishnet tights to match.

Cuz that’s how I roll.

You know what this means?

I HAVE to bring my unicorn horn headband.

Have. To.

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