Crash and burn

So, as it turns out, I DID NOT GO HIKING LAST WEEK.


Instead I got stood up.

Irony is, I’m not entirely sure I didn’t deserve to be stood up.

I wrote a post titled “PUSSY” about a man who could only whisper the word pussy out loud and I titled it (naturally) Pussy, not in reference to him but in reference to the word he could barely say.

Well, I think he took it the wrong way.

And honestly, who can blame him?

Sometimes I can be truly dense.

If the tables had been turned, I’m sure I would’ve been outraged.

He stayed calm and cool but he sure as hell didn’t go for a hike with me.

And after all the drama that ensued, I’m afraid we created too big a barrier for our newfound friendship to withstand.

Oh sure, he’s my friend on Facebook, but I don’t expect to be seeing him anytime soon.

I’d apologize to him for my lack of sensitivity, but I made a promise to myself to leave him alone and I’m keeping that promise.

In any case, I’m left once again with no partner to go hiking with.

No one to exercise with.

Sad face.

I really was looking forward to working out, even if I was grumbling about it.

I don’t like doing things I’m not instantly good at and it’s a steep learning curve to get in shape when you haven’t exercised in years.

All this time I’ve been railing against the men I meet, criticizing them for being rude, boring or alcoholic and here I am a perfect specimen of a ball-buster.

Sometimes, I’m a bitch.

Hiking in the rain with a bum foot, continued

Well, let me tell you, even in the rain, the hike at Ano Nuevo State Park is Ah-Mazing.

Yes, the rain comes in sideways and gets your face all wet.

Yes, you have to walk in between scary HUGE bull (male) elephant seals with large floppy noses.

Yes, the bulls roar and sound like lions (OMG).

Yes, you’re not allowed to make eye contact with the bulls for fear they will charge.

But overall, and in sum, it was a grand adventure!





It was all great fun but by far the most adventurous thing I did while out on this hike was eat TOFURKEY at the picnic afterwards.  Kinda like smoke flavored cardboard, it was pretty disgusting but I managed to eat the whole thing, just to be sure I hated it.

Yes, I hated it.

So there you have it.  Elephant seals at Ano Nuevo SP = good.  Tofurkey = bad.


Hiking in the rain with a bum foot

I am sitting in my car at Ano Nuevo State Park waiting to go on a guided hike to see the elephant seals. It is pouring down rain. And even though I am wearing waterproof clothes, I can’t imagine staying dry in this weather.

I originally signed up in order to be more adventurous. The group I am going with – San Francisco Outdoor Adventure Club is a great organization I have gone rafting, kayaking and hiking with.

And although I fully intend to do this hike no matter what (even with my janky foot), I just have to ask myself….what are you thinking?!

Did I mention there are rivers of water running through the parking lot?

New and improved Michelle

elephant-seal-bull-wavingI’ve decided I need to develop some new hobbies.

Because writing about not getting any and becoming JUST FRIENDS with men don’t count as hobbies.

So today I signed myself up to go on a little hike with an adventure group through Ano Auevo State Park  and the Elephant Seal viewing area.  This area is normally  closed to the public except for official guided walks from December 1 – March 31.  So on March 1, I’ll be taking myself out in rain gear to go see over 5,400 animals, including more than 1,700 pups.  At the end of the hike, I get lunch on the beach.

I have to wear rain gear and boots suitable for muddy conditions, so don’t expect me to be posting any glamour shots of myself.

There will be plenty of chubbiness and blubber to go around – and the seals have some too 😉

In fact, I’m so cuddly, that it’s possible THIS might happen to me.  And right now I could use a good smoosh!