Glorious Holidays

I had eighteen days off over the holidays.

You may wonder, what does a person do with almost three whole weeks off?

Well, the answer is I SLEPT.

I slept A LOT.

I also visited friends during the holidays.

I played Cards Against Humanity and I laughed until I need my pants (but just a little).

What can I say, I’ve given birth three times and my sphincter just isn’t what it used to be.

Sigh.

I also spent a lot of time watching NCIS.

I’m up to season 8 in a 16 season TV series.

Sadly, I didn’t get to see The Swede.

But this is the way things go when you live 5,327 miles apart.

I did EXACTLY what I said and I binge watched TV while quilting.

And guess what?

I made THIS!

I spent some good quality time with my boys before I said goodbye to my oldest son as he left for Army boot camp in Missouri.

My youngest son got his driver’s license.

I sat naked in a hot tub and soaked under the stars.

Sure, I was alone but oh, well.

That’s someone else’s loss 😉

It was a GLORIOUS holiday and one I will treasure forever.

Love is in the air

Love is in the air.

That’s right.

I’m just gonna go ahead and say it.

Everyone is coupling up.

First my cousin entered into wedded bliss.

And now, little Nick Jonas is MARRIED.

I don’t know why, but lately my Instagram stream and Facebook posts have been FILLED with love.

‘Tis the season?

Why not.

It’s sweet, really.

Everyone declaring their love for their partner.

I too am going to declare my love.

For The Swede?

Maybe.

For gin?

Definitely!

Yes, my love of gin stretches way back to the night I was with my college roommate and she drank tequila while I drank gin and tonics.

Fast forward to the end of the night and I’m holding Holly’s hair while she pukes into the toilet.

Me, I held my liquor.

Thank you GNTs.

I love you BUCKETS!

Tequila?

Not so much.

But really, I don’t have anyone to love besides my wonderful friends and family.

And that’s a rather LARGE group of people I’ll have you know.

But that’s the nice thing about love. . . the more you give it away, the more you have of it.

I do of course, have a sort of “misplaced” sense of affection.

I’m not in a relationship so I can hardly exercise my urge to rain down love and affection and (dare I say) sexy time, with another human being.

But I can certainly share the love I’ve got with all of you.

So consider this a big virtual hug from me to all my readers.

‘Tis the season to show your loved ones how much you care.

Don’t forget!

Bring on the holidays!

Now that it’s OFFICIALLY after Halloween I can focus on Christmas!

Woot!

I LOVE fall.

Nothing better.

Indian summer stretches into fall and we all enjoy cool mornings, crisp nights, and sunny days.

I just want to brag about some of the gifts I bought for my family.

I found a company that makes custom bifold iPhone cases so I whipped up some family photos for my mom so that she could have all her lovely children and grandchildren smiling at her from her phone.

Thank you Lasting Impressions for the perfect gift for my mom.

Her current bifold case is falling apart.

For my sister, a little sass:

Because nothing says “I’ve got attitude” like a mug with the F-Bomb on it.

For my nephews, who I have dubbed “The Littles,” I started a tradition of getting them a Christmas ornament with the Halloween costumes they wore earlier that year.

Calvin was the Grim Reaper and Milo was Venom.

I managed to find Calvin’s costume on Zazzle:

And Milo’s costume on etsy, customization pending.

I’m still debating on what to get them for their gifts.  The ornaments are simply a little extra gift I like to give to The Littles.

I can imagine my brother and sister-in-law’s Christmas tree when the boys are older, filled with memories of Halloween and Christmases past.

Welcome to my fall-loving, Christmas-obsessed season of joy!

A present for The Swede

Christmas is coming and I am already 110% ahead of the game.

My Christmas cards have been mailed.

My shopping is done.

Even my wrapping is complete.

I’ve annoyed even myself with my efficiency.

Personally, I am thrilled at the selection of gifts I have bought for my friends and family.

None more so than The Swede.

First, I bought him an industrial size box of Swedish Fish.

As a joke, naturally.

Then I proceeded to BREAK INTO the box and ate a bunch of fish so I had to get him something else.

And please, dear Swede, if you are reading this, stop now or your surprise will be RUINED.

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I custom made a tee shirt for The Swede.

Yes. I. Did.

Because I could find a tee shirt that said “Eat, Sleep Hockey” in English, but not in Swedish.

And I figure WHY BUY IT IN ENGLISH if he’s going to be in Sweden wearing it?

It should be in Swedish.

So I translated “Eat, Sleep Hockey” into Swedish “Äta, Sova, Hockey.”

Perfect!

Then I printed it in YELLOW lettering on a ROYAL BLUE tee shirt – the colors of Sweden.

How’s that for a present for you?

I REALLY hope he likes it!

You can’t say I didn’t make an effort. . .

P.S.  I got him a SECOND gift.  Just because I do that sometimes.  Check out this awesome mug I had custom made for him:

Don’t Hate

I know it’s crazy to say this so early in the season.

It’s not even Thanksgiving yet.

But I’ve managed to complete all my Christmas shopping ALREADY.

Can I tell you how satisfied it makes me feel to have all my shopping done?

REALLY SATISFIED.

Like in ways that make me happy ALL THE WAY DOWN TO MY BONES.

I’m insane like this.

The instant my birthday passes, I’m buying up gifts and presents for my loved ones.

I LOVE GIFTING!

It’s my favorite part of the whole holiday (besides the Christmas music).

There is nothing better than seeing the look on my sons’ faces when they open a gift and get all excited.

I know it’s obnoxious of me to be this thrilled with the holidays, but I can’t help myself.

It’s like I’m high and won’t come down until after New Year’s.

Did I mention I also get two weeks off at work for the holidays?

Yup.

Two whole weeks of freedom, sleeping in, and socializing!

If I’ve annoyed you with this post, don’t worry. I do have a confession to make:

Although I’ve bought my Christmas and Hanukkah cards, I don’t have them ready to mail yet.

Gasp!

I know. But nothing says “I’m insane” like sending out your holiday cards BEFORE Thanksgiving, right?

If I could get away with it, you can be sure I would do it.

So have a lovely holiday season.

I hope you’re enjoying it at least half as much as I am!

Holiday Goodies

I’m going to a HOLIDAY PARTY!

One of many, I hope.

This one is with my old colleagues.

Ye Old Guard, as we like to call ourselves.

Kudos to my bosses for creating a community at work that endures to this day.

Anyway, every year we get together and share stories and swap ornaments/hand made gifts.

Last year, I didn’t get the “ornament memo” and I was the ONLY PERSON who showed up without any gifts for my former colleagues.

I had to scramble to get ornaments and mail them to everyone.

This year, I’ve prepared myself ahead of time:

With UGLY SWEATER ORNAMENTS:

Aren’t they AWFUL (and cute)?

And festive holiday envelopes for wrapping:

Which I will decorate with a beautiful, edible “poinsettia” flower lollipop.

Damn!

I’m THE BOMB!

The opposite of S.A.D.

Just so you know, this is my FAVORITE time of year – the days between Halloween and New Year’s.

I do not suffer from seasonal affect disorder, needless to say.

Actually, it’s quite the opposite.

Once, I fell in love with a man during the holiday season (and he was a holiday aficionado too) and to this day, there is a special place in my heart for him because it was JUST SO DAMN PERFECT.

Holiday music?

Bring it on!

Holiday party?

Where do I schmooze?

Holiday presents?

Yes, please, I love to give and receive.

It’s ALMOST annoying how much I like the holidays.

In case you didn’t ALREADY guess, I designed my Christmas card way back in July and it’s been sitting in my Shutterfly shopping cart, just waiting for a good discount.

Back when I had my own house, I’d decorate three trees – one in the front yard for the neighbors, one in the window, which was my designer tree to be viewed by everyone driving or walking by, and one in the kitchen which had all the kids ornaments on it.

THEN. . .I’d decorate the three arches in my entryway with fir swags and flowers.

OMG.

I’m getting so excited just THINKING about all this.

That’s how sick in the head I am.

If you have seasonal affective disorder, stay away from this blog until after January.

It’s bound to drive you absolutely BONKERS!

Valentine’s Day Links

michelleI do this every year.  I get a wee bit sentimental and I start imagining that a whole day dedicated to love is a great and wonderful idea that doesn’t make single people feel unwanted and unloved.

So I post these links:

15 Free Valentine’s Day Printables [LINK]

25 Nerdy Valentine’s Day Cards [LINK]

Personalized lingerie [LINK]

A cute puppy in a bow tie (awwww) [LINK]

Because I couldn’t do any better if I did it myself:  Epic lingerie 2016 ed. [LINK]

Chocolate cocktails – because let’s face it, all those red, berry sweet Valentine’s cocktails are just too gross for words [LINK]

100 Ways to be Kinder [LINK]

Valentine’s Day pins, via Pinterest [LINK] and [LINK]

27 Cute Things to write your Valentine [LINK]

Top Chick Flicks to watch for Valentine’s Day, by decade [LINK]

12 Aphrodisiac Foods to eat for Hotter Sex [LINK]

Valentine’s Day Gift Ideas for Her [LINK] for HIM [LINK] for your dog or cat [LINK]

DIY Heart Piñata [LINK]

Rewards that aren’t Food or Shopping [LINK]

 

 

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Holiday Hookup

IMG_8521At this time last year I was dating The Israeli.

Sure, he turned out to be an ass hat who ghosted me over Christmas after giving me a facial, but for a while there I was having fun.

Now.

Dates have been few and far between lately since I stopped internet dating.

And I’ll admit, when I got an email from Match.com with pictures of my “matches” I paused and glanced at a few of them.

I looked but I didn’t click.

I LOVE the holidays.

It’s my favorite time of year, the days between my birthday and New Year’s Day.

The only thing that could make my holiday better would be a holiday hookup, but I don’t see how that’s even possible given that I’m not meeting anyone.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who also loved the holiday season and I think our first Christmas together was the happiest I’ve been IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

We listened to holiday music together, explored the Bay Area, and I chronicled all of it with pictures and photo books.

Yup, I was THAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND.

This year, I think I’m destined to go through the holidays solo.

And I’m okay with that.

It’s much better to go through the holidays alone than go through the holidays with a face full of Israeli cum and a ghost.

Right?

Happy Christmakkah?

screen-shot-2016-11-16-at-2-14-39-pmQuestion for you?

Is it inadvisable to send Christmas cards to your Jewish friends?

You see, I have like FOUR Jewish friends I typically send Christmas cards to. Just as a way of saying “You’re family and I’m thinking of you during the holiday season.”

But the other day one of those friends told me to save the card and give her a hug instead.

Which brings up the question. . . do Jewish people find it irritating to receive Christmas cards during the holiday season?

I wouldn’t want to offend but I’m seriously confused about the whole deal.

I wrote “Happy Hanukkah” on each of the cards.

And I bought a special Star of David sticker for the card as well, just so they know I’m not a TOTAL IMBECILE and I realize that they’re not Christian.

But maybe I’m not supposed to send a holiday card at all.

Or MAYBE I’m supposed to get a special Hanukkah card for each of them.

THAT actually may be the PERFECT THING to do.

It’s only out of sheer frugality that I send my customized CHRISTMAS card to my Jewish friends.

I’m horrified that I may have been inadvertently offending my Jewish friends for all these years.

What are your thoughts?