When it comes to sex I’m like a 13 year old teenage boy

When it comes to sex I’m like a 13 year old teenage boy.

Oh sure, I’d like to pretend that I’m poised and classy when it comes to catching a little nookie.

But I’m not.

Instead I’m about as subtle as a horny teenager about to land some for the first time.

I’m goofy. I grin. I can’t make eye contact.

Take for instance my romp with Nathan.

There we were in the hot tub reception area.

They actually MADE US WAIT in the reception area while shifts changed.

Oh, it was exquisitely nerve wracking and made me squirm in my seat.

All those people LOOKING at me. KNOWING exactly what I’m there for.

And that’s when it happened.

I grinned a shit eating grin.

And I couldn’t stop.

Everywhere I looked, everyone I looked at I had a HUGE grin for.

After all, they were there for the same reason.

We went into our “hot tub room” and did some horizontal mattress dancing.

IMG_9047And when we left, I stepped out into the sunlight, looked directly at a man seated in his truck outside the hot tubs, made eye contact, and I laughed like a fucking hyena.

I just got some.

Ha ha ha!

See…. 13 year old boy.

The ants go marching one by one

One of the things I LOVE about going to visit my sister in Reno is that she has a hot tub.

And when my boys aren’t with me and it’s just her and I, it’s a CLOTHING OPTIONAL hot tub.

This last visit, my sister informed me that she turned down the temperature to 85 degrees so that we could use it as a “pool” or crank it up to 100 to use as a hot tub.

So we all got ready to jump in the hot tub and I went out to prep it and discovered that ANTS HAD SET UP RESIDENCE BETWEEN THE HOT TUB AND THE LID.

There were MILLIONS of ants all over the place.

Even their little larvae and eggs were in piles around the perimeter of the hot tub.

It was completely dis-gus-ting (the photo below is just one small section of the ants):

IMG_7159Now I’m not one to freak out over a few ants but a whole army of them was something to behold.

I hiked up my dress, turned on the hose, climbed into the hot tub, and hosed those puppies off the hot tub.

Of course a bunch actually fell into the hot tub.

Couldn’t be helped.

So I was walking around in ant stew in my sister’s hot tub cleaning ants off it.

I am nothing if not a good sister.

After a while, the lid and hot tub were clear of ants.

But the water was a different story.

We waited a few hours, went back out and the water was clean again. No ants. No larvae. No eggs.

Just crystal clear water.

Lisa kicked up the temperature in the hot to dissuade future tenants from moving in and I looked at her and said…

“I know it was filled with ants just a few hours ago, but I’d go it.”

BottleRock Napa, part 1

BottleRock Napa… in one word?  Outrageous.  Fun. Wild. Crazy. Wine. Food. Music.  Friends.

For one crazy weekend, my girlfriends and I went to Napa and attended BottleRock.

We started out with a stop at Chandon Winery for a little sparkling wine flight and a bottle of champagne.  We purchased 3 more bottles of sparkling wine to take to our hotel, knowing we’d probably kill them that night.


Slightly inebriated, we went to our hotel and soaked in the tub.


Our soak was followed by a very exotic dinner at Denny’s.  Then we took a very expensive cab ride from Fairfield to Downtown Vacaville to go dancing.

Pool, beer, ghetto metal, and dancing ensued.  Then we took off and went dancing at Blondies.  A great time was had by all!

More on BottleRock in the next post…


Memorial Day Synopsis

For Memorial Day weekend, my boys and I took a trip to Reno to visit my sister.

We endured a late night bumpy flight into Reno-Tahoe Airport. I slept through the flight. Or I tried to. Munchkins kept taking my photo.

Back on the ground my sons posed for a rare picture of brotherly love.

We had a great time at Auntie Lisa’s and the boys posed for a picture with her.

Then Duncan went and jumped off my sister’s second story balcony and you can see the results here.

The good news is that we went in the hot tub. The bad news is that I didn’t get naked. But I did take some pics for the blog



Sorry, but that’s about as exotic as it got this weekend.

A few funny things happened this weekend…. I mistook a tree stump for a dead cow. Now my boys point at tree stumps and say, “Look Mom…. a dead cow.” Ha ha ha.

Also, there were some spots of snow on the mountain and I, like an idiot thinking all the snow had melted, asked, “Is that cement?” You can only imagine the teasing I got over that one. Something tells me I’ll never live this down, I’m afraid.

Despite my blond moments, which are probably more indicative of me needing glasses than anything else, it was a fun vacation. All except for when my sister discovered gray (well, white) hair on my head.

Gasp! I am officially middle aged!

Happy Memorial Day

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone!

I’ve decided to take a little trip with my boys to visit my sister Lisa in Reno.

Now if you need to know anything about Lisa’s place, it’s this – the cats rule the house, the food is always superb, the drinks are plentiful, and… she has a hot tub.


Only since my boys will be there I’ll be wearing my new bathing suit.

Nice monokini, eh? I love the little fringe. It’s brand new and I’m excited to wear it for the first time. Even though there’s really not much better than soaking in Lisa’s hot tub with an ice cold beverage and no bathing suit on, I think I can live with wearing this suite. I will have to take pictures.

Lisa and I are planning to have a lot of fun with the boys. Some of the activities on tap are horseback tours of the Nevada desert, outdoor rock wall climbing, go karting, a sailing tour of Emerald Bay, rafting the Truckee River, and ziplining.

We will also have to hit the Grand Sierra’s seafood buffet. Nothing like all-you-can-eat snow crab legs.

And… we get to celebrate my sister’s birthday on May 25th! She’ll be 39… again! Just to give my big sis a shout out on my blog (which she doesn’t read because she thinks it’s trashy)

I love you sissie!

The one where I finally get a little

I was sitting in the hot tub in a private room at Watercourse Way.  Jeep was with me.  We were both relaxing after a long day of work.

“I didn’t mean to make things weird between us,” Jeep commented.  He was referring to my rather awkward behavior around him in the hot tub.

“What’s weird?” I shrugged.

“I want to know why you won’t date me,” Jeep persisted.

“I just don’t see a future for us.  You’re not what I’m looking for,” I explained.

“How so?” he asked.

“Do we have to talk about this?”  I was uncomfortable.  I started feeling lightheaded from all the heat.  Jeep and I got out of the hot tub.  We took a cold shower and I laid down on the bed to relax.  Jeep sat at the foot of the bed and massaged my feet.

I started to feel better.. and bolder… so I removed my swimsuit and looked at Jeep looking at me.

“Do you have a condom?” I asked.

“No, I didn’t think I’d need one,” he replied.

In my head, I started to consider all the alternatives – the pullout method (BAD idea), 69 (better idea), etc.

We decided on option B.

Begin sexual activity.


I have to admit, I felt a little bit like a Mormon teenager, sneaking around having oral sex.

And was it good?

You bet!

To hot tub or not?

Today, I was invited to go hot tubbing with Jeep at Watercourse Way in Palo Alto.

Let me set the scene for you.

I’ve been sick for the past 3 days.  Jeep has come over and kept me company for two of those days, putting up with my Jimmy Durante voice, my runny nose, and my endless complaints.

All with a smile.

And a scalp massage.

Yes, I laid my head on him and he proceeded to give me a 30 minute scalp massage.


While I was complaining about being sick, I happened to mention that I wish I had a hot tub to sit in to help cook this bug out of me.

So of course Jeep arranges for a hot tub for me.  But not just any hot tub… a hot tub ROOM in Watercourse Way complete with steam, sauna, cold plunge, and… gulp… bed

Now, I’ve been to Watercourse Way twice before.  And both times I hit home runs in those hot tub rooms.  There’s something about me and water that just turns me into a complete wanton woman.

I told Austin 1 (and here and here) about my invitation.

“Oh dear.  I might get laid,” I pointed out.

“I hope so!  I think you’re going to explode if not,” he replied.

So what do I do?

Well, at first I declined the invitation.  Then I realized I was declining the invitation for the wrong reasons and I’d actually love to sit in a hot tub with a friend and relax.

So I accepted the invitation.

I’m taking bets on whether or not I’ll be naked or wearing a swimsuit.

What’s your vote?

Hot tubs, little dogs and big ____

My friend Richard was kind enough to get me out of the house yesterday with the promise of a hot tub and a nice dinner.

Sensing that the last thing I wanted to do was have another dinner in Los Gatos, we opted for downtown Pleasanton.

Now the first thing you need to know about Richard is that he is one of the most generous people I know – hence the offer for me to spend the afternoon at his vacation home lounging in the hot tub while writing blog posts.  Would I like to lounge at the Treehouse?  Um, yes please thank you.

imageThe second thing you need to know about Richard is that he has a really big….

…heart!  Jeez, what were you thinking?!

Yes, Richard has a huge heart as evidenced by him taking this lonely girl out for a decent meal and some good company… something I was sorely in need of.

We were eating dinner at a creperie downtown along with Kelso, Richard’s adorable Australian shepherd when Richard asked, “So what do you think of downtown Pleasanton?”

“It kinda reminds me of Los Gatos.”