Missing Ribs

I follow a bunch of “Instagram models” and celebrities on Instagram.

Why?

Because. . . Instagram.

Since popular culture has decided to show me the female body in a less than diverse manner than it’s represented in real life, I consider Instagram my therapy.

I can follow short women, round women, curvy women, fat women, thin women, athletic women and just about any kind of woman you can dream up.

Some of my favorites are:

And:

I also follow Suicide Girls, which is sort of a site for counterculture women with tattoos, colorful hair, and piercings.

These women tend to be more on the skinny side, less on the curvy side.

Until this:

Now, I’m not gonna say I didn’t have to pause a second before moving on, because I paused for a GOOD LONG WHILE before I took a snapshot.

What I am going to say is, “IS THIS PHOTOSHOPPED?”

Honestly, it doesn’t look real.

I’m no Photoshop expert, but I swear something here is stinky.

Either that or she had some ribs removed.

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New fetish

I have a new fetish.

I JUST discovered this.

This is in addition to black vinyl lingerie and neoprene wetsuits.

While browsing Instagram, I discovered that I like to watch other people eating food.

There’s the whole WORLD out there where women (and men, but usually women) loudly eat food in front of a camera.

It’s crazy I know, but I can’t look away.

Who discovered this stuff, is what I want to know.

So there I am, browsing Instagram when ANOTHER video comes on which TOTALLY CAPTIVATES me.

Slime.

That’s right, I like videos of people squishing and folding slime with their hands.

I know it’s odd.

My friend Nathan told me as much.

He asked, “How high are you?” when I sent him links to the videos I was watching.

Not at all, but that’s besides the point.

I was floored that he too, wasn’t enthralled with the videos.

And then it happened.

I came across a mash up video of slimy things and eating food, and my life was complete.

Stiff Competition

I follow a handful of curve models on Instagram.

Seeing their bodies reminds me that my own isn’t freakish and ugly.

I appreciate what they add to my life – a little perspective outside what mainstream beauty magazines and the media deem “sexy.”

Each one of these women is beautiful in her own right.

I’ve noticed that a lot of these curve models however are directing people to their Patreon sites, a subscription which costs money.

The money is used by the curve models to travel to exotic locations, hire photographers, and take more photos for the Patreon collection.

Interesting, huh?

I actually know a lot of people who use Patreon.

It’s not just for models and modelizers.

It’s also for writers, graphics artists, photographers, etc.

I do not follow anyone on Patreon.

I suspect that what gets posted on Patreon are more explicit photographs of these curve models and I’m not going to pay for what I can see for free in my own bathroom mirror.

That said, I just happened to be reviewing photos in Instagram when I came across this:

“Sign up for my Patreon and watch a video of me eating a popsicle topless.”

Hmmmm.

Eating. A popsicle. Topless.

My first thought was, “Clever girl! I’d almost pay to see that.”

No, I didn’t pay to watch her eat a popsicle topless.

And no, I’m not going to post a video of me eating a popsicle topless.

I’m just saying that if you plan to become a curve model, be aware that the competition is STIFF.

No pun intended.

Beefcake – it’s what’s for dinner

joeI watched the movie Magic Mike.

And Magic Mike XXL.

What self-respecting 40-something year old woman hasn’t?

I’m not a Channing Tatum kinda gal though.

Oh no.

I’m a Big Dick Ritchie fan.

There’s just something about an ENORMOUS man with an ENORMOUS appetite and an ENORMOUS “talent” that gets me going.

And when they had him do the pseudo BDSM scene in XXL, I basically LOST IT.

Totally and completely.

I lost it so bad I started following Joe Manganiello on Instagram.

Yup, I’m lovesick.

So imagine my thrill and delight when I asked Barbara if she wanted to go see a Male Revue in the bay area later this year and SHE SAID HELL YES!

Seeing as how I’m on a NO SEX kick, it will be a fun and safe way to get my rocks off without actually breaking my vow of celibacy.

So serve me up a BIG FAT HELPING OF BEEFCAKE.

Momma’s gonna pig out!

The difference between men and women

So.

I’ve just discovered Instagram.

I know. I’m late to the party.

What can I say, I was a Facebook girl until Facebook couldn’t keep me occupied enough during my bouts of insomnia.

Hence, Instagram.

Yesterday I went through Instagram and I followed a bunch of curvy models just to, you know, have examples of body diversity in my life.

And overall I was pleased with the results.

Until. . .

Until I discovered that a bunch of these models were really “aspiring” models who post borderline pornography of themselves on Instagram.

That’s definitely one way to get followers!

Anyway, my prudish side came out to play and I unfollowed a bunch of “aspiring” curvy girl models.

Basically at 3 am when I’m up and awake, I guess I’m not looking for a video of a woman playing with her own tits or bounce squatting in front of a camera.

The difference between men and women, eh?

boobs