Stood up

Jeep was supposed to come over on Friday night to hang out.

Like he’s done many times before.

Only this time he didn’t show up.

And he didn’t return my text.

And he didn’t call.

Or contact me at all that night or since.

This happens periodically with Jeep.

He’s a former Navy Seal and sometimes he just goes AWOL.

The first time I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

The second time I tried to be understanding. He’d just lost a friend.

But this time, I’m not sure there’s anything he could say to make me trust him again.

Really, how much effort does it take to cancel?

Just pick up the phone and send a quick text message.

Jeep may be my friend/wanna be boyfriend, but there’s no way I’d sign up for this flakiness.

Haven’t I put up with enough already?

He’s growing on me

Jeep came over my house this weekend and spent 3 hours working on my pool, trying to figure out why the interior pool light wouldn’t work.  And he figured it out.

He also did the research for me and identified the type of Bluetooth enabled radio I should put in my truck.  Then he went with me to Best Buy to pick it out and to Fry’s to get all the mounting equipment for it.

Today he comes over to my house to install the radio.

It’s beginning to seem like there’s nothing this man can’t do and I can’t help but find all his skills and knowledge rather sexy and impressive.

Initially, I decided against dating him because he seemed a little too-good-to-be-true.

And because, quite frankly, dating a man without a college degree makes me nervous.

This weekend I asked him why he never went to college.

“I was kicked out of my house. The military was the best option open to me.  I even lived at my recruiter’s house before I joined,” he answered.

Mind you, this man says he was part of Seal Team 2 until he was discharged for asthma.  And he owns a 22 foot speedboat.

Is it possible that all this is true?  Who knows.

But he does treat me well and he is very  thoughtful.  Quite possibly, I should give him a chance…

 

Ix-nay the FWB-ay

This blog is supposed to be about sex, dating and relationships. But it seems to me that the majority of the time, my blog is dedicated to my quest for sex, which never quite seems to materialize for me.

A few weeks ago, I asked Jeep to be my FWB. And he agreed in a very sweet way. Touching. Nice guy. Not a bad choice for FWB.

Then last week, we made it to 3rd base.

But so far NO HOMERUN.

So I asked him this week if I could come over to his place for a little, you know, action.

And he told me that his roommate who he rents from doesn’t like him to have guests.

Now the reason this is a problem is that I’m in the same boat – I can’t have guests over when my sons’ bedrooms flank my own and I’m never alone at home.

SUCKS!

Only I could pick a FWB and have it turn into a TOTAL IMPROBABLE FIASCO.

So once again I am back to the drawing board.

“Hope you’re not upset at me….” Jeep texted.

“No, but I guess we can kiss FWB goodbye,” I replied.

“Why would that be? There are other avenues to pursue…. There’s always a hotel, right?” Jeep responded.

“That is an expensive option. It’s getting complicated. I want to just be able to drive over your place and get some,” I clarified.

I do have enough sense in my head to feel bad about this, but since I also know that Jeep wants more than a friendship, it’s probably in his best interest to end the flirtation now, before he gets hurt. Still, I am disappointed that my attempt to get a FWB failed so miserably, and before it even got started.

But I’d like to take a page out of my birthfather’s handbook* and say, “If at first you don’t succeed…. try again…. and again….. and again….”

*You may not get this reference so I’ll explain: My birthfather has been married 4 times. Thankfully, #4 seems to be the charm. And if I count Anthony, Matthew, and Jeep as 1 – 3, perhaps #4 will be my lucky charm as well.

The one where I finally get a little

I was sitting in the hot tub in a private room at Watercourse Way.  Jeep was with me.  We were both relaxing after a long day of work.

“I didn’t mean to make things weird between us,” Jeep commented.  He was referring to my rather awkward behavior around him in the hot tub.

“What’s weird?” I shrugged.

“I want to know why you won’t date me,” Jeep persisted.

“I just don’t see a future for us.  You’re not what I’m looking for,” I explained.

“How so?” he asked.

“Do we have to talk about this?”  I was uncomfortable.  I started feeling lightheaded from all the heat.  Jeep and I got out of the hot tub.  We took a cold shower and I laid down on the bed to relax.  Jeep sat at the foot of the bed and massaged my feet.

I started to feel better.. and bolder… so I removed my swimsuit and looked at Jeep looking at me.

“Do you have a condom?” I asked.

“No, I didn’t think I’d need one,” he replied.

In my head, I started to consider all the alternatives – the pullout method (BAD idea), 69 (better idea), etc.

We decided on option B.

Begin sexual activity.

Finally.

I have to admit, I felt a little bit like a Mormon teenager, sneaking around having oral sex.

And was it good?

You bet!

To hot tub or not?

Today, I was invited to go hot tubbing with Jeep at Watercourse Way in Palo Alto.

Let me set the scene for you.

I’ve been sick for the past 3 days.  Jeep has come over and kept me company for two of those days, putting up with my Jimmy Durante voice, my runny nose, and my endless complaints.

All with a smile.

And a scalp massage.

Yes, I laid my head on him and he proceeded to give me a 30 minute scalp massage.

OMG AMAZING!

While I was complaining about being sick, I happened to mention that I wish I had a hot tub to sit in to help cook this bug out of me.

So of course Jeep arranges for a hot tub for me.  But not just any hot tub… a hot tub ROOM in Watercourse Way complete with steam, sauna, cold plunge, and… gulp… bed

Now, I’ve been to Watercourse Way twice before.  And both times I hit home runs in those hot tub rooms.  There’s something about me and water that just turns me into a complete wanton woman.

I told Austin 1 (and here and here) about my invitation.

“Oh dear.  I might get laid,” I pointed out.

“I hope so!  I think you’re going to explode if not,” he replied.

So what do I do?

Well, at first I declined the invitation.  Then I realized I was declining the invitation for the wrong reasons and I’d actually love to sit in a hot tub with a friend and relax.

So I accepted the invitation.

I’m taking bets on whether or not I’ll be naked or wearing a swimsuit.

What’s your vote?

The one where she lands a date in less than an hour

I was all set to go to Holi with Jeep.

Me: Don’t forget, the festival is tomorrow. Do you think you could be at my place at 11 AM?

Jeep: Good morning….. I can’t wait to hang out with you…. 🙂

Jeep: Really excited.

And he wasn’t the only excited one. I was excited to go to Holi too. I was looking forward to it.

Then at 8 am the morning of the festival, Jeep cancelled.

Jeep: Good morning Michelle… I had one of the guys no call no show… I got called into work this morning so I’m not going to be able to go with you dammit… ugh.

So I scrambled to try and find a “date” to go to Holi with me. And who I found was the Beekeeper – a 50-something-ish professor who raises bees and teaches Aero/Astro in the Bay Area.

He was a lot of fun, and a really good sport for someone who was about to get covered in paint…

Him: Sounds like fun. I’ll need to cut out around 3 – 3:30. If that’s not a problem, I happily will join you.

Me: You will need to cut out earlier and shower.

Him: Shower?

Me: Lol… the paint…

Him: Paint? What kind of a festival is this?

Me: Like a color run but without the running. It’s a Hindu festival of spring.

And indeed, it was a spectacular festival. The beekeeper was a total gentleman and sprinkled color on me instead of throwing fistfuls of it in my face, like my boys do. We danced, we ate tasty Indian food, and had an all-around great time.

Here’s a BEFORE pic:

And here’s an AFTER pic:

Quite possibly the MOST ROMANTIC THING EVER

Jeep came over my house Tuesday night to work on my truck.

[As a bit of foreshadowing, when I went to pay him for my parts, a condom fell out of my wallet and on to the floor by his feet.  Oh dear!]

As previously discussed, I feel conflicted about letting him repair my truck for free.

But he insists he’d do it for any friend, so okay…

After he fixed my visor, we discovered my tail lights were out.

So he went to the store and fixed those.

AND THEN we discovered my 3rd brake light was out.

So he fixed that.  And it involved a second trip to O’Reilly’s Auto Parts store while I stayed home and ate dinner.

Because he knew I was hungry and missed dinner.

Deep breath.

I finally worked up the courage to ask him, “What do you think of us being FWB?”

“Michelle, I think you’re gorgeous.  And funny.  And sexy.  And smart.  And I would be honored to be your FWB but not if it jeopardizes our friendship,” he replied.

My jaw dropped.

“When I first met you, I knew you were special and I’d rather have you in my life for a long time as a friend than for a short time as a FWB,” he continued.

This was, quite possibly, the MOST ROMANTIC thing anyone has said to me in a good long while.

But I do find it ironic that even when I try to misbehave, the universe has a way of reigning me in.

Tell me this isn’t wrong

I told Jeep I wasn’t feeling the particular flavor of chemistry I was looking for and I wished him good luck with his search.

He pulled the F-word on me…

FRIENDS

And…

He offered to work on my truck for free. If I pay for parts.

Um… yeah! Sounds good to me.

So last week, Jeep came over and fixed my broken headlamp. In about 5 minutes. For $15. Sweet.

As a thank you, I sat him down in my kitchen and got him drunk.

Thanks to Patron.

Then Makers Mark.

There was no fondling or smooching. He held up his end of the deal and was nothing but friendly toward me. No going in for a surprise kiss. No touching my arm, my back, my hair, etc.

He was a gentleman.

And so I invited him to go to Stanford’s Holi Festival with me. It’s a nice way to say “Thank you for fixing my headlight and oh-by-the-way can you fix my visor too?”

3 Dates in 3 Days

So what’s it like to go on 3 dates in 3 days?

In a word?

Exhausting.

photo(25)

The Lebanese was sweet but totally inappropriate for me.  I could just see me steam rolling over him. No sense stringing him along.  I told him the next day, “It was nice meeting you.  I’m not feeling the particular flavor of chemistry I’m searching for.  I hope we’re on the  same page.  Good luck with your search.”  To which he responded, “Got it!  Thanks for your honesty. I appreciate that. I wish you all the best too. BTW, you are very photogenic! You look amazing in your pics.  You could be a model in another life ;-)”  I just wanted to write that down somewhere.  Someone thinks I’m beautiful.

photo(28)

The next date was Jeep.  Jeep was attractive and demonstrative.  He held my hand as we walked all over Los Gatos together.  Sadly he reminded me too much of my ex-husband.  He did kiss very nicely though and I enjoyed myself a little bit, not knowing when I’d get another good kiss.  I sent a virtually identical message to Jeep the next day “not the flavor of chemistry I’m looking for… good luck with your search.” But Jeep wasn’t having any of it (just like my ex) and instead opted to ask for a friendship then criticize me for not being attracted to him.  Oh well, this one is going to be sticky for a while.

image

And finally there was Jake.  Jake was by far the best (though I suspect he’s a very heavy drinker).  He talked like a pirate to me.  How did he know that I would LOVE TO GET TALKED TO LIKE A PIRATE?

Is this a new fetish of mine?

I swear, if we were in bed I would MAKE him put on his costume, swagger around the room, take a swig of rum, throw me on the bed, and then talk dirty to me in Pirate.

“Argh lassie… lemme feel yur honey pot…”

“Ahoy, I reckon the lass is gonna blow…”

In any case, Jake was the only date I had who DIDN’T KISS ME.  Hopefully that will be remedied in Round 2.

In sum, I had three dates but only one actually seemed to go anywhere and I’m skeptical that it’ll go very far.  Nevertheless, it was great to get out and date again and talk like a pirate, even if it was only for an evening.  My juices are flowing.

So take that as a tip, gentlemen, try talking like a pirate to your lady and see what develops.  Could be she has the same fetish.

Could be I’m just some weirdo.