Party!

My birth father is the #1 child out of 6 kids. He has 2 brothers and three sisters.

It’s a BIG family.

You’d think, given the size of the family, and the fact that most of us live relatively local to each other, that we’d see each other a lot.

That is not the case.

So you can imagine how thrilled I am that we are having a party to celebrate my Aunt Xondra’s 50th birthday.

Whoopee!

Time to see everyone all in one place.

I’m bringing Tejas with me to meet my birth family.

He’s been my BFF for over two years now and has yet to meet the people who made me.

Hopefully it won’t be the least bit awkward that he is the same age as my birth parents.

He’s under strict instructions to not hit on ANYONE unless he clears it with me first.

The thing about this party is that I don’t see much of my birth father’s side of the family, except for my Uncle Donald and Aunt Stacey and their family.

They live closer to me and I get to see them from time to time.

They also spawned my sister-cousin Jennifer who takes me to 49er games and enthralls me with her lingerie, lack of inhibition, and positive self-esteem.

Believe you me, if that woman wrote a blog, you’d all be following it.

She also happens to be drop dead gorgeous with knockers BIGGER THAN MINE.

Someday, I will take her to Burning Man and we will knock that shit OUT OF THE PARK!

Oh and GO NINERS!

Burned!

My sister-cousin Jennifer is a HUGE 49er fan.

Their biggest fan, I think.

A true 49er faithful.

This past weekend she took me to their open practice at Levi’s Stadium.

And that’s when IT happened.

I wore a pair of jeans that had a TINY hole in the inner thigh.

Can you see where this is going?

Well, in the course of walking half a mile from the parking lot to our seats in the stadium, I managed to rip that hole WIDE OPEN.

It wasn’t visible to the general public, so at first I wasn’t worried about it at all.

But that changed.

You see the jeans material from my other leg RUBBED on the bare inner thigh of my exposed leg, giving me a friction burn.

Oh the pain of having no inner thigh gap.

But I digress.

So, we walked to and from the stadium and all around the stadium and I literally ripped skin off my inner thigh with EVERY STEP.

I was in a great deal of pain.

When I got home I RIPPED my jeans off of me and threw them on a ball on the floor.

Ever since then I’ve been coating my thigh burn with gun oil lube (to minimize friction) and Desitin (yes, butt paste for babies).

It still fucking hurts!

The worst part is that I had a flirtation that night and I was off my game on account of ALL THE LIQUID WEEPING OUT OF MY FRICTION BURN.

Yeah, it was pretty gross.

I did not feel sexy AT ALL.

On the bright side, I got to see our 49er boys practice football, AND I got to hang out with Jennifer, who I hadn’t seen in MONTHS!

Celebrities who should fall in love with me

My cousin, aunt, and niece went to Walker Stalker and got to meet several of the characters from The Walking Dead.

Now, the first thing you need to know is that I stopped watching The Walking Dead after the second season so I HAVE NO IDEA WHO ANY OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS ARE.

But I know that there’s one character I love – Negan, played by Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

I LOVE Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

He’s right up there on my list of celebrities who should fall in love with me.

Right after Mike Rowe.

And right before Charlie Hunnam and Travis Flimmel, who I incidentally think are twins separated at birth, they look so much alike.

I know JDM from his role in P.S. I Love You, where he played Irish musician and rescuer William. I also know him as John Winchester in Supernatural.

I recommend seeing him in P.S. I Love You because he shows off his naked rear end in it and OH MY! Is it a sight to see – all long legs and slender ass!

He can wander my halls in nothing but a towel ANYTIME.

So back to my cousin, aunt and niece.

I’m INSANELY happy that they got to meet JDM and hope they managed to give him a kiss from me.

They did snap this photo which, I must tell you, made me grin from ear to ear the moment I saw it.

It just makes me insanely happy!

Get ur freak on

Last night I IM’d my ex-boyfriend James.  Back then when we were in college, he was a 6’4″ tall, devilishly handsome young man.  Now, he is a 6’4″ tall, devilishly handsome triathlete.  Bonus!

I’d like to say “I got with that” but the truth is when I was younger I was stupid (more stupid than I am now, at least) and I thought our perfect relationship would last forever so I was in no rush to bed him.  Talk about a missed opportunity.  Our relationship lasted as long as summer break until he met someone else and I got lonely.

Anyway, James is happily married now to a beautiful woman and has a pile of kids he’s raising.  So I did what any normal single girl would do… I asked him to hook me up with any single friends he has.  He was open to the possibility but skeptical of his friends’ compatibility.

Then we got to talking about one of my favorite soapbox topics – women and their libido.  I, of course, have a HUGE libido and always have.  Same with my cousin Jennifer, so I suspect it might be in our genes.  But other women are not so much interested in sex.

couple-bed-upset-11082402I have a friend who told me she and her husband have sex every couple of months when she feels guilty about continuing to say no.  I was shocked.  Why would two perfectly healthy, hormonal human beings who sleep together every night NOT GET THEIR FREAK ON???

So I had some tips for her.  Pardon me while I get on my soapbox:

1.  Drink wine
2.  Watch soft porn (Red Shoe Diaries, Wild Orchid, 9 1/2 Weeks, etc.)
3.  Get a housekeeper
4.  Go on a vacation, just the two of you
5.  Get the “Shades of Gray” book series and read it before bedtime or the “Sleeping Beauty” series by Ann Rice
6.  Get a good night’s sleep
7.  Just start doing it regularly for a week and see how you feel about it
8.  Insist on your pleasure too (no faking it)
9.  Swap massages first
10.  Buy a book, learn a new technique
11.  Drink wine

Soapbox moment is over.

large

In any case, the conversation with James inspired this post and some lovely memories of when I was 20 and head over heels in love with James.

If nothing else, I got this compliment from him, “Your blog is very you in a good way.  And f anyone who doesn’t like it or can’t deal.”

True true.  Hope you all keep reading and enjoying 🙂

Save

Girlfriends

MichelleOk yes.

The Israeli is gone and I’m back to square one in the dating arena.

But I have to tell you, life isn’t bad at all right now, despite what happened.

And there’s one very big reason why.

It’s because I have the BEST GIRLFRIENDS IN THE WORLD.

It’s true.

Your life could be sliding to hell in a hand basket but as long as you’ve got girlfriends to see you through, things aren’t all that bad.

My friend Michelle takes me to the drive in movie theaters when the weather is better and we watch scary movies with the top down on her Mini, eating popcorn while hunkering down under blankets.

My friend Barbara goes with me to The Table for brunch on the weekends then goes to Glow Candle Lounge so that we can make candles together and shoot the breeze.

My friends Marina and Cynthia are my temptress friends, always inviting me to get out and have fun with them – which usually means heavy flirting with mostly inappropriate men. Oh, the fun!

And there is my cousin Jennifer, who may not be around all the time, but certainly manages to make me forget all my troubles when I’m around her and just have an enjoyable time.

Having a boyfriend is not the end-all-be-all to having a happy life. The longer I am single, the more I realize how incidental it is.

But my girlfriends, now THEY ARE ESSENTIAL!

Halloween

So my oldest son decided at the last minute that he wanted to go to a Halloween party THEREFORE I had to opt out of going to the (adults only) Glowfest and take him to my aunt and uncle’s Halloween party in Castro Valley.

A good mixture of family and friends showed up and everyone was in costume except my son who got shamed into putting on a cape and mask to join in the festivities.

There were drinks galore and I found myself passing out Jello shots halfway through the night.

One for a party guest, one for me.

Boy, did that hit me fast!

I drank Bloody Marys all night long then switched to mudslides.

Eventually, my liver gave out and I had to tap out long enough to take a little snooze on the couch.

The grief I got!!!

My baby brother Art (the great bearded fellow) gave me tons of shit for taking a break.

In about a half an hour I was up and ready to go again.

More drinks.

I even took a shot for Kaitlin (the lion) who was quite loopy at the time.

In the morning she and my cousin Jennifer (Little Red Riding Hood) admitted that they maybe got a little sick the night before.

As Jennifer put it, they can still party like rockstars but they can’t recover like one.

Here’s some photos from the event. Photo credit Xondra Zezza.

IMG_8202 IMG_8201
IMG_8194 IMG_8188
IMG_8252  IMG_8251
IMG_8250 IMG_8249
IMG_8247 IMG_8246
IMG_8242 IMG_8241

 

Pollock Pines Trip

It took Duncan and I 4 hours to get from the South Bay to Pollock Pines but when we got there it was nothing but fun from start to finish.

To begin with, my son had been BEGGING me to go up there so he could ride his new dirt bike with the boys – Nick, Travis, and Uncle Donald.

We unloaded his dirt bike and then begged with family until bed time.  Aunt Stacey and Jennifer had stories to tell to keep up entertained and I ate them up.

In the morning, my normally lazy son got himself out of bed and took off with the men to go clear some areas around the house.  You’ll remember there was a devastating forest fire several months ago that ravaged Pollock Pines and came within a few feet of my uncle and aunt’s property.

While the guys were out working, the girls were out shopping – Aunt Stacey, Jennifer, Bella, and Nick’s girlfriend Caitlin.  We hit the Walmart in Placerville.

When we got back to the cabin, I started making pineapple upside down cake shots (courtesy of my friend Barbara’s recipe).  It’s cake flavored vodka with tropical pineapple juice in it.  Yum!  We did shot after shot.

Duncan fell in love with Louie, my aunt and uncle’s black lab and he held him like a lap dog and carried him around like a baby.

FullSizeRender-7

 He even tried to sneak Louie in our car when we were heading home.

There was some ping pong playing.  A few people got hit in the face.  There was some dirt biking riding at midnight. Oh wait, no.  That got shut down by Aunt Stacey.  Thank goodness.

And finally on Sunday we all came together to cheer on Green Bay and watch them beat those sea chickens.  Sadly, that did not happen.  But at least it was a old game.

image

And on Sunday the boys FINALLY got to burn.

All in all, a stellar weekend with my wonderful family. Love you guys!

The Adrenaline Rush

The first thing you need to know about The Great Bull Race is that I didn’t do it alone.  My friend Mark and my cousins Jennifer, Nick, and Travis did it with me.

Thank God, because my hands were shaking like a leaf before and after the run.

Imagine a couple hundred people lining a track about 1/4 mile long in 100+ degree heat and that approximates what the experience was like.

We all waited anxiously for the bulls to run.  And run they did.  They came barreling down the track in 3 waves of about 8 bulls.

We let the first wave of bulls and people run right by us.  We ran with the second wave of bulls, captured on video by Mark:

In al honesty, I have to admit I freaked out a little when I got a bit too close to a big black bull.  My, they are big with HUGE horns!  I spent the next 10 seconds glued to th fence.

My cousin Jennifer ran with me.  And she stayed with me the whole time. Even when I freaked out and she wanted to run.  Never left my side.  I love that girl ❤

The whole experience lasted maybe 30 seconds.  But what a wild, heart-pounding 30 seconds it was.

Would I do it again?  Absolutely.  It was a magnificent experience unlike any other I had, and I enjoyed myself immensely.

Being able to run with bulls was incredible.  And being able to do it with friends and family made it even better.  When I originally signed up, I thought I’d be doing the bull run all by myself.

What a lucky woman I am to have such good friends and family.

And now a photo collage of our day:

photo 1 photo 2
photo 3 photo 4
photo 5 photo 1
photo 2 photo 3
photo 4 photo 5

I opted to skip the Tomato Royale tomato fight.  It was a super hot day and I’ve already thrown rotten tomatoes before in a tomato throwing festival so I asked Mark if we could opt out and he agreed.  Jennifer did it with Travis and Nick. Here’s a glorious shot of her, post tomato fling….

photo-18

 

Sailing the Bay with Jeep

I took Jeep sailing last weekend.  To be more accurate, I took him to my Aunt and Uncle’s house for a BBQ graduation party for my cousin David and THEN I took him sailing.

Yes, Jeep has met the family.  I guess I’m comfortable with his long term possibilities.

So after we hung out at my aunt and uncle’s debating car repairs, we drove off and headed into the City.  San Francisco, that is.

My PTSD kicked in while I was driving with Jeep and I told him I hated his driving.  I was white knuckling it all the way.

He took it all in stride (being in the military made him familiar with PTSD so he was sympathetic).  He tried to drive better.  Tried.

We got to the dock with minutes to spare and hopped on the sailboat.  A sunny warm day in SF turned into a freezing, cold, wet day.

Jeep and I froze our tails off:

 

Surprisingly, we didn’t make out.  Although we did huddle together for warmth and held hands.

We got sprayed a few times by the ocean waves, so we were wet by the time we got back to shore.

Effing cold.

We practically ran to Jeep’s car to get to the heater and warm up.

Then we decided to go back to my aunt and uncle’s home for some tasty grub.

My cousin Jennifer, her husband, and their daughter were there along with my cousins Nick, Matt, and Matt’s boyfriend Gibby.

While we stuffed our faces we were entertained with my cousin Jennifer and my Aunt Stacey at their finest.

They explained the “Stop and Laugh” to me.

It’s when you’re laughing so hard you have to stop. And get your shit together.

All in all, it was a wonderful day and a great night.  The sail, while cold, was beautiful and refreshing and the company was simply the best.

 

The post where I crush on a younger man

photo-4Last night I went to a dry ice hockey game to watch my cousin and his team play roller hockey.  They’re in the gold league now which means:

1. They’re good
2. Competition is stiff

And no one is stiffer than me at these games because my YOUNGER MAN CRUSH is on the hockey team.  Yes indeed, Alex – who I blogged about here –  was at the arena playing alongside my cousin Nick.

Once again, the air squeezed out of my lungs when he passed by and I got tongue tied in his presence.  I managed to squeak out, “Good game Alex.” He barely glanced at me. Drat!

I told my cousin Jennifer, “I will admire him from afar.”

She replied:  You would ruin him otherwise, lol

This is true. I have a feeling that this is a situation best left to the fantasies in my head instead of the realities in his bed.  Sigh.

But oh God, YUM!  I will take him every day of the week and twice on days that end in “y.”