I’ll be the first one to admit that I’ve dipped into the FWB (friends with “benefits”) bucket. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine – it seems so wrong but it feels so right. And even if it is wrong, it’s much better than romantic and sexual celibacy.
If you google FWB, you will find a whole list of sites offering up their advice on how to make it work, what to look out for, even rules to adhere to, such as:
- Pick someone you wouldn’t normally date.
- Don’t let things get complicated.
- Don’t text for any reason other than sex.
- Don’t do sleepovers.
- Don’t kiss goodbye.
- Don’t fall in love.
- Go your separate ways.
Obviously, with lists of rules of engagement peppering the internet, there’s an implied complexity to these arrangements. Are the rules there to make for the perfect FWB union or are they there to blow a horn in your face letting you know what the pitfalls are?
Someone, somewhere screwed up big time.
Here’s my personal list of rules:
- Have more than one FWB.
- Try all that stuff you were too embarrassed or afraid to try in your previous relationships.
That’s pretty much it. Two rules. Keep more than one FWB and you won’t get overly attached to any of them. Also, take the opportunity to try out new things and expand your repertoire. Might as well do it while you have the chance.
My sister suggests that I read books – “Obsess on knowledge!” My birthmother agrees.
But I want to study anatomy.
Sadly, no one backs me up. My friend Jenny wrote, “FWB is a recipe for disaster. One of the participants involved will eventually want more out of the friendship & down the road, those FWB don’t usually remain friends.”
Yes, but did they enjoy studying each other’s anatomy for a while? Cuz in my book that’s success.
It’s not meant to last forever. Just long enough to get to where you’re going next .
And maybe that’s the takeaway here: FWB relationships are unlikely to end well but in the meantime, they are just good fun. When asked, “Friends with benefits….just good fun or a recipe for disaster?” my friend Mark responded, “Yes and yes.”