Juice

I’ve been waiting for the exact right moment to write a post titled Juice, after one of my favorite songs by Lizzo.

And now I can.

Because my JUICE is back.

I’ve been struggling to write blog posts lately, when usually they just come out of me as freely as shit comes out of a baby (and about as pleasant).

But ever since I got ghosted for a second time, I’ve been struggling to relight my inner fire.

I’ve been recycling posts and using my quilt hobby as a major contribution to my posts in the last few weeks.

But not anymore because the JUICE is back and it’s flowing baby!

Just in time for Halloween and my birthday.

It may have something to do with the fact that it’s officially been almost two months since I got ghosted and I’ve finally released the latent outrage I was feeling.

Or, it could have something to do with the fact that it’s just impossible to keep me quiet for any length of time.

OR. . .

. . . maybe it has to do with the hot tub date I had last week where I managed to really knock one out of the park with a really phenomenal. . . BAT!

But baseball analogies aside, I’m feeling good and I’m having a good time writing new blog posts for unblunder.

So thanks for sticking with me.

And in the immortal words of Lizzo:

If I’m shinin’, everybody gonna shine
I was born like this, don’t even gotta try
I’m like chardonnay, get better over time
Heard you say I’m not the baddest, bitch, you lied

I am one JUICY woman!

When you drink with your sister

Start with a mini bottle of Champagne Pink Pop. Pick it out in a pink bottle thinking it’s pink. Discover it’s not pink and be disappointed. Try champagne and be even more disappointed. Add orange juice to make it drinkable.

image

Try OREgasmic Ale by Rogue Farms, because it’s supposed to be OREgasmic. Discover OREgasmic beer tastes like dirty feet and pot ash. Definitely not orgasmic. Be disappointed.

image

Try cheap stacked wine which comes in its own glass. Have low expectations. Have low expectations met. Feel foolish for trying wine which comes with a pull off lid.

image

image

Try Blood Orange Mimosa. Suspect it’s a headache in a bottle with a screw top lid, but love it anyway.  Make your sister drink most of it after dosing it with vodka.

image

image

 Graduate to bonafide liquor – making really strong mai tai and screwdriver. Decide to hop in the hot tub naked. Have to hang foot out of hot tub because of new foot tattoo (which effing HURTS). Have sister yell at you when you accidentally dip it in the water. Feel sheepish. Snap selfie anyway.

image

UPDATE:  Get RAGING cellulitis (skin infection) from dipping foot in hot tub.  Deal with your sister’s “I-told-you-so’s.”  On antibiotics.  Feel even more sheepish.