Booty-Hanging-Out Shorts

This past weekend, my friend Kimberly and I went to the Sonoma County Fairgrounds to experience the weekend-long music festival Country Summer.

It was FUCKING hot.

I nearly melted into a puddle of sweat and self-tanner, it was that fucking hot.

John Michael Montgomery, who wears all black – black jeans, black longsleeve shirt, black cowboy hat, had to leave the stage and douse himself with water HE WAS THAT FUCKING HOT.

Needless to say, most of us festival goers dressed more appropriately, but I would like to bring up the titillating trend that I noticed at the festival – the tendency of women to wear cutoff jeans shorts with THEIR BOOTIES HANGING OUT!

You think I jest, here’s proof. . .

Yes indeed, a snapped a surreptitious photo of one of the more dramatic women I saw there.

I couldn’t help myself.

It was just there, like a mound of jello, waiting to jiggle.

And I kid you not, she was not the only one.

There were numerous women I encountered during the day whose booties were hanging out for all to see.

It’s takes a brave woman to let the whole world be your gynecologist!

Nevertheless, I’m a firm believer in “Flaunt it if you’ve got it.” So I heartily support this fashion trend.

It could be a lot worse after all.

They could be wearing these. . .

A Good Night’s Sleep

I’m OBSESSED with UnSCruz!

Can’t wait for it to get here.

As it turns out, I am so impressed by UnSCruz, I’m inviting all my friends to come.

Toni, Kimberly, Tejas, Yvonne. . .

I have a BIG tent.

It says it’ll accommodate 8 people.

Not that I’d want to pack 8 people in my tent.

There’s a little matter of stuffing my queen size air mattress bed in it.

Hey, I like comfort!

It’s not EXACTLY glamping, but it’s close.

The tough part is, I think I’m going to have to share my bed.

I know, I know!

But WHO should I share it with?

My girlfriend?

My friend from Sweden?

Or my best friend?

If I had my way, it’d be my friend from Sweden.

Basically because I wouldn’t mind snuggling up to him.

But perhaps he doesn’t want to.

And that’s okay.

I’m fine sleeping by myself.

It’s been so long since I shared a bed with someone I’m afraid I really won’t get a good night’s sleep.

But that’s the whole point, isn’t it?!?!



Panty Peeler

panty-peelerThe other day I went to a new restaurant in Los Gatos with my girlfriend Kimberly.

It’s called Oak and Rye and it’s basically an upscale pizza place.

We ordered a white truffle oil pizza that was TO DIE FOR.

Just gotta love truffle oil, eh?

Anyway, both of us were drinking beer.

Mine was a Belgian-style tripel from Midnight Sun Brewing Company.


As I was ordering my 3rd can of it, I paused to look at the label and LOW AND BEHOLD IT WAS NAMED:

P A N T Y   P E E L E R !

That’s right.

Now, rape culture issues aside, I was tickled pink that I’d been drinking a beer called Panty Peeler all night without realizing it.

Then it occurred to me – I’m the one who was drinking it.

“Not fucking likely,” I thought to myself.

But I was certainly well lubricated for the evening, if you ask me.

All smiles and chit chat!

So it wasn’t a total waste of good beer!




I went to my 25th high school reunion and by and large REALLY ENJOYED THE MUSIC.

I went in with low expectations, basically hoping that I’d meet a friend or two and catch up.

And I did!

I caught up with Kimberly, who I hadn’t seen in over a year.

I ran into people I recognized and people who I’d totally forgotten (sorry Eric and Jason).

But once again I was reminded of online dating – where the focus is on making small talk and getting to know the details (married, kids, job, where you live) etc., rather than making a real connection.

But by far what took the cake was running into a high school classmate who literally couldn’t stand to clap his eyes on me.

He was the one in the fancy suit who was posturing about, looking important with his wife who was obviously trying WAY TOO HARD.

Mentally, I rolled my eyes. HARD.

Meathead in high school, meathead in life.

Some people never change.

But oh, the ones who had!

One woman had so much work done she was UNRECOGNIZABLE!

By and large, I was impressed with my classmates as a whole. People I barely knew in high school chatted with me and shared their lives.

They were friendly, fun, and obviously as stunned that we were at our 25th HIGH SCHOOL REUNION as I was.

The music, performed by a band of alumni led by my friend Mark, was out of this world good and I was as impressed with Mark’s vocals as I was his good-natured response to an alumnus from 1986 taking over his microphone to scream the lyrics to “Don’t You Forget About Me.”


But what really capped off the evening, and I mean REALLY, was me going up to an old professor and shouting, “Hey! You taught me how to type,” followed swiftly by the expletive “fucker.”


I may have been referring to the time he gave me an unwanted, unsolicited, unpleasant backrub in class.


Old Friends and Ball Games

IMG_7298There’s nothing quite like getting together with old friends.

And by old friends I mean friends you’ve had for more than a decade.

That’s what Kimberly, Debbie and Christina are for me – wonderful women I’ve known since high school.

And as Debbie pointed out “Our 25 year high school reunion is coming up. Can you believe that?!”

The answer is no, I absolutely cannot believe I am old enough to have a 25 year reunion for anything except for maybe my birthday.

But that’s because I’m living in denial to maintain my youthfulness.

That and Botox.

In any case, Kimberly won tickets to the Giants vs A’s game on Sunday and she invited us girls to join her because as she puts it, “I knew that you’d really enjoy the game.”

IMG_7300And this is true. We are all Giants fans, with the exception of Christina who is a Giants FANATIC.

She literally told us the entire history of the Giants as we sat there watching the game.


I couldn’t help but think that men must find her incredibly sexy because she knows so much about the game. And she is also drop dead gorgeous.

But enough about Christina.

Our seats were on the club level which, if you’ve never been, is quite the bomb – great food, great drinks, nice bathrooms, etc. They even have 2-ply toilet paper…. I checked!

FullSizeRender(15)I wound up sunburning my arms at the game. We were in Row A section 221 with a GREAT view of the field. But we were in the sun until the 9th inning, 3rd out. Luckily I put sunblock on my tatas so they escaped unscathed.

FullSizeRender(18)Hopefully we’ll do it again sometime soon. I had a blast, despite getting burned, and it was so nice to hang out with old friends and catch up on marriages, husbands, divorces, jobs, kids, and everything.



Boudoir photoshoot, part 1


A lot of prep went into my boudoir photoshoot and I think it’s an indication of how obsessed I am with my body and making it look as good as possible.  As a society, we have such a narrow definition of beauty – one which I do not fit into – and so doing this photoshoot was not just a stretch for me, but also a little bit of therapy.

I got up Sunday morning around 7 am and basically lounged in bed obsessing over boudoir pictures and poses (on Pinterest) until it was time to get my makeup done.

I went to Kimberly, makeup artist extraordinare, and she did a fabulous near smoky eye for me.  If you’ve never had your makeup done, let me tell you, it is one of the most relaxing and enjoyable treats ever.  All those little brushes on your face feel exceptional.  And at the end, you look like you, only more fabulous!

Here I am post makeup by Kimberly.

After getting my makeup done, I went home and relaxed until it was time to get my hair done.  Hair was done by Ruey in Parlour 308, Los Gatos.  He did a fabulous job, as you can see….

I was already feeling awfully beautiful with my fabulous makeup and my shiny, bouncy, Victoria’s Secret hair.  So by the time my hair was done, I was ready to go to San Francisco to the hotel to hang out in the hotel bar and wait for the photographer to call me and tell me she’s ready.

In case you’re curious, here’s the breakdown of what this activity can cost you:

  • Airbrush tan – $25-$45
  • Hair style – $45 – $70
  • Makeup – $100 — $150
  • Hair Removal – $50-$115
  • New lingerie – $500 – $800 (not really necessary)
  • Tip for photographer – $20 – $50
  • Online research – 12 hours
  • Photographs – TBD

So as you can see, the Groupon may have cost only $45 but the whole shebang costs a great deal more.  It’s no small investment.

More later, including me going commando in the city….

For now I’ll leave you with this pic of all my lingerie for the photoshoot, piled high on my bed (note the AWESOME stiletto heels and the fishnet thigh highs).  Sexy!’