Speedboats and oblivious teenagers

Duncan

The thing is you can be on vacation with your 15 and 17 year old sons in Reno, Nevada visiting your sister.

And maybe you decide to go to Donner Lake for a little R & R.

So you get set up on the beach – towels, sunblock, food, 48 oz can of PBR. . .

And everyone rushes into the water to play while you sun yourself on the beach.

And lo and behold, an hour passes and everyone is still out in the water.

So you look, and your sister is waving her hands frantically.

BECAUSE YOUR 17 YEAR OLD SON IS SNORKELING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SPEEDBOATS.

And the current is too strong for her to reach him.

INSTANT ANXIETY ATTACK!

But there’s no time to freak out.

So you get yourself up and swim out to your sister, who is floating in an inflatable inner tube with another empty inner tube attached to it.

EVEN THOUGH YOU HAD NO INTENTION OF GETTING WET!

And you slip into the empty inner tube and DRAG your sister, who is tired from swimming for the last hour, out INTO THE MIDDLE OF THE SPEED BOATS WHERE YOUR SON IS OBLIVIOUSLY LOOKING FOR GO PRO CAMERAS ON THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE WITH A SNORKEL AND MASK.

Maybe you asked him to come in with you.

Maybe you begged.

Maybe you even BRIBED HIM BY OFFERING TO BUY HIM HIS OWN GO PRO.

Then you started yelling.

After all, you’re floating IN THE MIDDLE OF SPEEDBOATS trying to convince your son what he’s doing is dangerous – head down in the water, no flotation device, a tiny body in a sea of water and waves. Practically invisible to drunk, vacationing boaters.

And that’s when he says it.

“When I’m 18 I can do whatever I want and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

And that’s when you realize that he’s still very young for his age. Physically 17, mentally 6.

This just goes to show. . . you NEVER stop parenting your kids, no matter how old they get.Duncan

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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR

photo-5While my sister was visiting, we had the brilliant idea of making margaritas at home.  I decided if we were having margaritas, we also needed to do shots and so I insisted we pick up a bottle of Patron to do shots with.

Now the thing you need to know about my sister and I growing up, is that she was the naughty one but I always got in trouble.  Somehow she always managed to skate free.  I claim that this is because I used to cover for her.  She claims she didn’t get in trouble because she was not naughty.  LIAR!

In any case, Lisa and I were about one deep in margaritas and two deep into shots when my sister asked me for another shot.

Sure thing.  Coming right up.

As I’m pouring it, my mom comes into the kitchen, looks at me and the tequila, and says, “Really Michelle?  Another one?” and walks out.

I’m left standing there feeling reprimanded and indignant.

I follow her.

“Just so you know, it’s for Lisa,” I tell her.

Yes, I was a tattletale.

But I felt a whole lot better and my inner child rejoiced for not being labeled the naughty one.

Just the enabler.

Ha ha!

[What I did after 2 shots of tequila and 2 margaritas is a different post]

Burning Man The “Easy” Way

I’m going to Burning Man for the third time this year.

And I’m really looking forward to exploring the playa with Yvonne, Tejas’ former lady love (did I mention they split?).

We’re all piling into his RV, the Motorbeast, and camping together at Burning Man.

But this year there’s a twist.

I am flying in and out of Reno and taking the Burner Express to and from the playa.

Best of all, I get to see my sister who lives in Reno the Saturday before the burn and the Monday after the burn.

Did I mention that she has a waterfall shower and a hot tub?

It will feel SO AWESOME after the burn to take a luxurious shower and soak in her hot tub.

I feel like each time I go to Burning Man, I capture a little more of it’s flavor.

My first year, I struggled.

My second year, I started to have fun.

This year hopefully the trend continues and I spend more time exploring and less time in camp.

I wish I could pack up The Swede and take him with me to Burning Man.

I think he’d have a great time checking out the art and interactivity.

But I don’t think that will happen this year, so I’m resigned to finding ways to really enjoy myself with Tejas and Yvonne.

As much as it’s possible to have a great experience at Burning Man going as a solitary person and making your own fun I find that for me, the most fun I can have is sharing my experiences with others.

Someday perhaps I will share Burning Man with The Swede.

For now, my partners in crime are Tejas and Yvonne.

And that’s a lot!

The Swede

The Swede has been texting me and it’s been more fun than a tornado in a trailer park.

He went out drinking with a friend and I got fantastic text messages from him as he drank beer.

He asked me if I was interested in visiting Sweden.

Technically, 60% of my DNA is from Scandinavia, and it would love to visit the homeland.

There’s the Vasa Museum, all the canals to navigate, and the ABBA Museum.

You know I can’t miss the ABBA Museum!

Sadly, I have no plans to visit Sweden in the near future, but it’s definitely on my list of places to go.

And it’s just a hop, skip, and a jump to Finland where I can sleep in a glass igloo under the aurora borealis.

Sigh.

It’s hard to not imagine snuggling under the glass dome with The Swede.

And, of course, there’s the saunas in Finland.

Nothing like a nice hot naked sweat followed by a giant leap into the freezing outdoors.

Hey, it’s GOOD for you!

Perhaps I will talk my sister into a trip to Sweden next year.

Our last big trip was Scotland in 2008.

I have to admit, it would be nice to see The Swede in his territory.

Nice to see The Swede fullstop.

Burning Man: Getting There, part 1

One of the best parts of Burning Man is getting to go to Reno.

Reno is where my sister lives.

fullsizerender2After getting a SUPER LATE start to Reno*, Tejas and I managed to arrive 5 minutes early for our 6:15 dinner reservations at the Atlantis Steakhouse.

My sister sure knows how to pick a restaurant!

I have two words for you:

LOBSTER BISQUE

Heavenly!

We finished our dinner (and drinks!) and retreated to my sisters house for a little pre-burn party, which sadly did not include her hot tub, but did inclde a taxi ride to Walmart to pick up a handle of vodka and some lemonade.

I’m afraid I got a little loopy but managed to grab an uber with Tejas and return to our hotel.

Big day tomorrow!

 

* SOMEONE woke up late and STILL wasn’t finished packing. . . (HINT:  It wasn’t me)

The dangers of WEARING wasabi

ImageThe sign at the all-you-can-eat sushi bar said that if you order more food than you can eat, you will be charged the a-la-carte price for your sushi.

This weighed heavily on our minds as my sister and I surveyed our table filled with sushi. We were stuffed to the gills and were trying to figure out how to make 20 extra pieces of sushi disappear.

Oh my god, could we do it?!

Being the honest sibling, I just started eating sushi… doing my best to just chew and swallow and not think about how full I already was.

But Lisa, being a little more clever and deceptive, opted to take a different approach.

SHE SHOVED THE SUSHI INTO HER CLEAVAGE!

The waitress came by to check on our progress.  I noticed sushi peeking out of my sister’s cleavage. As the waitress spoke to us, Lisa’s eyes were getting bigger and bigger.  The waitress left.

“What’s wrong,” I asked.

“Listen, we’ve got to get out of here so I can get rid of this sushi. The wasabi is BURNING MY BOOBS!”

Mini break!

I’m on vacation.

A mini break, so to speak.

I’ve got half of Thursday off from work and all of Friday.

Why, you ask?

Because I’m going to Tahoe with my sister to see Peter Gabriel and Sting perform at Harvey’s Lake Tahoe.

stingPeterGabrielI’m so excited!

The last concert my sister and I saw there was Elton John.

I only remember half the concert because my sister and I drank a 5th of vodka, a bottle of wine, and about 5 Lagunita’s Sumpin’ Sumpin’s.

Oy! Can I tell you how hungover we were?

And then there was the unfortunate incident where I peeped my pants in the back of an Uber.

Nothing to wet the seat, just enough to wet my pants.

This is all because it took us FOREVER to get back to our hotel a few blocks away.

In our drunken stupor, neither one of us could navigate the streets very well and we got turned around.

So this year we were smart.

We booked a room at Harvey’s.

Woot!

Talk about a short walk home!

Elton John

When you drink with your sister

Start with a mini bottle of Champagne Pink Pop. Pick it out in a pink bottle thinking it’s pink. Discover it’s not pink and be disappointed. Try champagne and be even more disappointed. Add orange juice to make it drinkable.

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Try OREgasmic Ale by Rogue Farms, because it’s supposed to be OREgasmic. Discover OREgasmic beer tastes like dirty feet and pot ash. Definitely not orgasmic. Be disappointed.

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Try cheap stacked wine which comes in its own glass. Have low expectations. Have low expectations met. Feel foolish for trying wine which comes with a pull off lid.

 

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Try Blood Orange Mimosa. Suspect it’s a headache in a bottle with a screw top lid, but love it anyway.  Make your sister drink most of it after dosing it with vodka.

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 Graduate to bonafide liquor – making really strong mai tai and screwdriver. Decide to hop in the hot tub naked. Have to hang foot out of hot tub because of new foot tattoo (which effing HURTS). Have sister yell at you when you accidentally dip it in the water. Feel sheepish. Snap selfie anyway.

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UPDATE:  Get RAGING cellulitis (skin infection) from dipping foot in hot tub.  Deal with your sister’s “I-told-you-so’s.”  On antibiotics.  Feel even more sheepish.

Dream a little dream

For most of my adult life, I’ve fantasized about going to three places:

  • Greece
  • Finland
  • Australia

I’ve wanted to go to Greece on account of all the beautiful pictures I’ve seen of it – white walls, blue seas, and Mediterranean food.

greeceFinland has made it to my list oddly enough because I love the idea of sleeping in a glass igloo under the aurora borealis. Even in freezing cold temperatures with blankets of snow.

finlandAnd Australia made it to my list because… well… Australia!

australiaAt the risk of sounding ridiculous, I love the accents, the animals, and the beautiful cities.

I haven’t travelled as much as I would like to mostly because in all my fantasies about traveling the world, I never fantasized about doing it solo.

I mean what’s the point of sleeping in a glass igloo under a dramatic night sky unless you’re simultaneously getting your freak on?

Don’t get me wrong. I traveled to Scotland with my sister and I drove all over from Oban to Fort William to Inverness to the Isle of Skye.

I watched a shinty game in Skye with little biting midges flying up my nose and in my eyes while the shinty boys raced like thunder up and down the pitch.

Their thighs captivated me.

I really exposed myself to a different culture and people.

And I want to continue to do so.

But alone?

No thanks.

I may just have to bug my sister to take another trip with me next summer.

The question is: Where do we go first?

And can I convince my sister, who is an avid relax-and-do-nothing vacationer, to go out with me and get dirty/wet while having fun?

That is the questions my friends.

Throwing up at Dave Matthews :-(

imageThe first thing you need to know about my Dave Matthews Band (DMB) experience is that I blew chunks in the ladies room.

That’s right. I got horrifically sick at the concert and barely managed to make it to the bathroom.

And it’s not because I was drinking. My sister, who is an RN, advised me it was because I was dehydrated. So there you have it… I threw up at DMB.

Besides that unfortunate incident, the concert was amazing. The first half of the concert was an acoustic set by DMB and the second half was the traditional electrical set up.

The acoustic set featured some of my favorite songs like “Crash Into Me” and “Stay or Leave.” The acoustic set closed with the beloved “Ants Marching” which I missed due to aforementioned puke session.

The electric set also played some of my favorites including “#41,” “Grey Street,” “Lover Lay Down,” and “You and Me.”  This set was filled with power and dexterous guitar styling, plus jaunty horn finales.

Sadly, I missed the encore because my sister insisted we leave since her back was killing her from sitting on the cement venue seats. So I missed “The Space Between.”

DMB put on a great performance and I had the best time.  Now I see why the woman sitting next to me at the concert had been to 20 concerts.

What a man! What a band! What a show!

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