I went on a date

I was excited to get out of the house.

It feels like it’s been FOREVER since someone took me out.

Like The Swede in May.

I was so excited to get out of the house that I actually went through way more preparation and ritual than I normally do.

I took a bath.

I shaved my whole body – even my legs.

Just in case, you know, they got TOUCHED.

Then I put on perfume.

Of course I stopped just shy of putting on body lotion.

I put on fresh antiperspirant, just in case.

I redid all my makeup.

Then I COMPLETELY forgot lipstick!

Left the house without a tube to my name.

Doh!

I know you all think I’ve been living like a nun these past few months, but I broke the mold on this date.

I was witty, and funny, and very VERY flirty.

He stood no chance against my charm.

Which was good because he was quite charming himself and I found myself having a good time.

At the end, of the date, he pinned my back against my truck, stuck one knee between my thighs, grabbed a fistful of hair and kissed me.

And was it good, you’re wondering?

Well, I’ll tell you this. . .

. . .it did not suck.

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Mr. 6’10”

I once dated a guy who was 6’10” tall.

Everywhere we went, people reacted to him. So much so that he developed two jokes he’d use all the time to answer two common questions people would ask him:

  1. Is it true what they say about a man’s height and the size of his penis?

Answer: God no! I’d be 10 feet tall.

  1. Do you play basketball?

Answer: Do you play mini golf?

The truth is, Mr. 6’10” was a volleyball player, and a good one at that.  I’m not sure he did any more than that, he seemed to be independently wealthy and I knew his family hailed from Pebble Beach.

I was smitten with this man and imagined he was smitten with me too.

In the end, that turned out to not be the case and we drifted apart and lost touch.

The other day, I’m minding my own business when an email comes in to my inbox.

Mr. 6’10” tall wants to add you as a connection on LinkedIn.

What?!

Naturally I added him.

But I can’t help but feel like I got lumped in with a group add on LinkedIn. I’m pretty sure he didn’t intend to add me as a contact.

Nevertheless he did it, so I can just go ahead and feel slightly smug that after nearly 10 years, he reconnected with me.

Deliberate or accidental.

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Seriously delicious lips

IMG_9624The Swede is back!

He is visiting from Sweden again, on a business trip.

We went out last night and I was reminded of why I like him so much – he kisses PHENOMENALLY well!

OMG, I could get lost in his kisses (and I did).

He tells me he “likes to kiss me too.”

I also like his big, broad shoulders and muscular build.

He reminds me of The Mountain from Game of Thrones.

When I told him this he admitted to me that he used to be a body builder but gave it up to raise a family.

He once lifted a Volvo but wasn’t able to move it like body builder Magnus Samuelsson was doing at the same competition.

But he lifted a Volvo.

OMG!

In any case, he wants me to come and visit him today. To kiss some more, no doubt.

But you know how kissing leads to forking and I’m not sure I want that.

So I’m probably going to stay away from his hotel room and lure him to a restaurant to make out.

Yum. Yum. Yum.

The man has seriously delicious lips!

Weep!

michelleI finally had a good date.

He showed up in a polo and jeans and I was instantly attracted to him.

“Michelle?” he asked.

“Yes, hi,” I replied.

He sat down at my table. We were at the Jack Rose in Los Gatos on Thursday evening. The same place where I had my DISASTROUS “let-me-see-your-tits-better” date on Tuesday.

He instantly came off as sincere and respectful.

At first there was a bit of awkward silence.

We both scrambled to come up with something relevant to say.

The silence didn’t last long. Before I knew it we were chatting like old friends.

I asked him to tell me a secret. It’s a standard question I ask on dates. I like hearing the response to that question. I’ve heard everything from a drunk driving story to admission of a foot fetish.

He told me about his wilder younger days.

Then he asked me to tell him a secret.

Yay!

I admitted I liked going to nudist resorts like Lupin Lodge. But shhhhh! My parents don’t know.

My date was a consummate outdoorsman. He likes to fish and hunt. He drives a truck and owns a boat. He likes to camp and hike.

In essence, MY PERFECT MAN.

Yup, there’s only one problem. . .

I don’t think he liked me.

I’m not sure what gave me that impression.

Maybe because he didn’t kiss me goodnight.

Maybe because he didn’t mention another date.

But there you go.

I don’t expect to hear from him again.

Weep!

What’s worse?

michelleWhat’s worse?

A woman who loses her libido forcing her partner to give up his sex life alongside her or the man who cheats on her?

Neither scenario is very appetizing.

I asked my friend Nathan this the other day and he was certain.

“Definitely the woman,” he told me.

My friend Marina and I discussed it as well.

I think we side with the men as well.

I have a friend, called Mystery Man, who has the biggest sexual appetite of anyone I know. It’s a borderline obsession. He never cheated. Even when he wasn’t getting any from his wife.

Oh sure, he TALKED about cheating. And THOUGHT about cheating. But did he do it?

No.

Now he’s divorced and fucking every agreeable women in a 50 mile radius of his house.

I have another friend who still gets the occasional romp from his wife and yet he cheats whenever he gets the chance.

It’s a crazy world out there.

If I seem focused on cheating it’s because I’m in my 40s and I actually meet a lot of men who have been married for around two decades and are “allowed” to have discreet affairs.

In many ways they’re available. Lonely. Needy. Emotionally hungry.

But of course, in the MOST IMPORTANT WAY POSSIBLE, they are totally, completely, 100% UNAVAILABLE.

And that’s all that matters.

What I find sexy in a man

image
Its not what you think – washboard abs and a fat bank account. No, my tastes run more complex than that…

Big hands
A chiseled jawline
A sense of humor. Monty Python re enactments a plus.
A great father
Musicianship
Talent, in any area
A good listener
Intelligence
An authentic smile
Kindness
Confidence
Eye contact
Low, sexy voice
Chivalrous
Initiates middle-of-the-night sex
Stays calm when I’m freaking out
Has a backbone
Smells good
Good manners
Has great rhythm 😉

The Sexiest Part on a Man

God, there are so many places to choose from. It’s east to debate the sexiness of men because there’s so many things about men that I adore – like his smile, eyes, hands and thighs.

But on Pinterest, there seem to be other locations on a man’s body which are deemed “the sexiest” such as the cording running down a man’s neck into his shoulders.

I can see the appeal of the neck. It’s in a highly visible location. It’s a collection of smooth muscles running up and down the length of the neck. And it’s an erogenous zone. What’s not to love about that?

Well, there is another school of thought which holds the back to be the sexiest part of a man and from the picture below, I’d have to agree.

However, there remains one sport so sexy, so sacrosanct that it makes eve nuns’ eyes water with love when they see it. It’s the iliac furrow – that spot on a man where his abdomen meets his pelvis and there are little furrows running down either side of his abdomen like a runaway to the pleasure zone.

Neck, back or iliac… they’re all sexy. But for me, I’ll take a baritone laugh, a genuine smile, and big hands over a defined iliac furrow any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Although I must admit, every time I see the iliac furrow, I think of licking lollipops.

How to be Irresistible to Men

Ha!  How to be irresistible to men?  Turn into Heidi Klum, that’s how.  Or Kate Upton.

But as I was perusing the internet, I came across an article on “How to be Irresistible to Men” and I was intrigued.  Why would anyone read this garbage?  Research, my friends.

The first article suggested that being a nice girl is all it takes to be irresistible to men.  This I can partially agree with.  As we’re looking for mates out there, it’s our confidence, humor, and kindness which will interest a man and make him want to get to know us more.

The second article I read listed a bunch of things that has really nothing to do with personality and everything to do with body language.  Flirting.

  • Flipping our hair
  • Sneezing
  • Biting our lips
  • Moving our hips
  • Touching them gently
  • Wearing a ponytail

All these are well and good, but rather superficial, don’t you think?  Are you really irresistible if their attraction to you only lasts 20 seconds?  I think not.

The final article I read suggested that a youthful attitude, sexual adventurousness, being comfortable in your own skin, talking about what you love, body language, and being able to tease (aka create sexual tension) makes a woman irresistible to men.   Not a bad list, although it certainly requires the parties to get to know each other a bit.

If you were to ask me what makes a woman irresistible, I’d say her openness. It’s how she welcomes you to her.  It’s how she greets you in those first 30 seconds when a man makes up his mind about whether or not he desires her.  It’s also how much of her personality leaks through into real life, grabs a man by the ears, and says “Look at me.”  Whether she communicates this through body language or conversation is up to her.

We can’t be irresistible to everyone but to the right people – the ones who become our lovers and our friends – we are magnetic.

So my suggestion is don’t worry about being irresistible.  Just be yourself.  The rest will take care of itself.

 

What I find sexy in a man

image

Its not what you think – washboard abs and a fat bank account.  No, my tastes run more complex than that…

  1. Big hands
  2. A chiseled jawline
  3. A sense of humor.  Monty Python re enactments a plus.
  4. A great father
  5. Musicianship
  6. Talent, in any area
  7. A good listener
  8. Intelligence
  9. An authentic smile
  10. Kindness
  11. Confidence
  12. Eye contact
  13. Low, sexy voice
  14. Chivalrous
  15. Initiates middle-of-the-night sex
  16. Stays calm when I’m freaking out
  17. Has a backbone
  18. Smells good
  19. Good manners
  20. Has great rhythm 😉