Revelation

My marriage started in February of 1996 and ended in September of 2004.

At the time, I remember my ex-husband trying to coerce me into staying together by telling me that no one would want me since I had kids.

I thought he was ludicrous.

But here I am 14 years later and I’m still single and HONESTLY, I really need to examine the reasons why.

Because I’ve had several boyfriends but nothing long term.

And the only similar factor in all those relationships is ME.

The other day, I took a good long look at all my failed relationships and asked myself, “WHAT HAPPENED?”

And as TEMPTED as I might be to say, “Something is obviously wrong with me” or “Something is obviously wrong with them,” the reality is NOBODY IS WRONG.

When I got married the first time, I was looking for someone with a nice ass, great cheekbones, and a decent personality.

And that’s exactly what I got.

Plus two INCREDIBLY handsome and extraordinary boys!

But I missed out on intellectual stimulation, emotional connection, and similar values.

And I’ve been looking for those things ever since.

Boyfriends #1, #2, and #3 may have come closer to what I’m looking for but in the end I can draw only one conclusion:

I am single because I’m smart enough to know that I haven’t met anyone yet with whom I could have a successful marriage with.

Ta da!

Nothing wrong with me.

Nothing wrong with them, although I still take offense at the one who left me during a miscarriage.

I see people ALL THE TIME who are in sucky relationships.

I occasionally wonder, “What the HELL is wrong with ME?  If SHE/HE can find a partner, why can’t I?”

And then it hits me.

I’m single because I’m BETTER AT RELATIONSHIPS, not because I suck.

And that, dear readers is a revelation.

Strike THREE!

My experiences online dating have been frustrating, as of late.

To begin with, there are a lot of guys who live VERY FAR AWAY who are messaging me.

No, I DON’T want to travel to fricking MODESTO for a date.

I think not.

Not that the men aren’t tempting.

I get all excited because I see a lumberjack is emailing me only to find out that he lives in Manteca.

Apparently there are a plethora of lumberjacks living in the Central Valley.

Then there’s this guy who lives in the East Bay and I think, “Ok. Maybe. . .”

screen-shot-2017-02-16-at-10-21-07-amHandsome.  Love the beard.  Hoping he has tattoos.

So I go check out his profile and I notice he’s spelled coffee “coffey.”

Strike one.

So I read his profile and notice that he also spelled “too” wrong.

As in “Not TO much to ask for.”

Strike two.

And finally, as I’m reviewing his profile, I note that he’s “separated” as in “MARRIED” and we all know how I feel about dating “separated” men.

Strike three.

YOU’RE OUT!

Get ur freak on

Last night I IM’d my ex-boyfriend James.  Back then when we were in college, he was a 6’4″ tall, devilishly handsome young man.  Now, he is a 6’4″ tall, devilishly handsome triathlete.  Bonus!

I’d like to say “I got with that” but the truth is when I was younger I was stupid (more stupid than I am now, at least) and I thought our perfect relationship would last forever so I was in no rush to bed him.  Talk about a missed opportunity.  Our relationship lasted as long as summer break until he met someone else and I got lonely.

Anyway, James is happily married now to a beautiful woman and has a pile of kids he’s raising.  So I did what any normal single girl would do… I asked him to hook me up with any single friends he has.  He was open to the possibility but skeptical of his friends’ compatibility.

Then we got to talking about one of my favorite soapbox topics – women and their libido.  I, of course, have a HUGE libido and always have.  Same with my cousin Jennifer, so I suspect it might be in our genes.  But other women are not so much interested in sex.

couple-bed-upset-11082402I have a friend who told me she and her husband have sex every couple of months when she feels guilty about continuing to say no.  I was shocked.  Why would two perfectly healthy, hormonal human beings who sleep together every night NOT GET THEIR FREAK ON???

So I had some tips for her.  Pardon me while I get on my soapbox:

1.  Drink wine
2.  Watch soft porn (Red Shoe Diaries, Wild Orchid, 9 1/2 Weeks, etc.)
3.  Get a housekeeper
4.  Go on a vacation, just the two of you
5.  Get the “Shades of Gray” book series and read it before bedtime or the “Sleeping Beauty” series by Ann Rice
6.  Get a good night’s sleep
7.  Just start doing it regularly for a week and see how you feel about it
8.  Insist on your pleasure too (no faking it)
9.  Swap massages first
10.  Buy a book, learn a new technique
11.  Drink wine

Soapbox moment is over.

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In any case, the conversation with James inspired this post and some lovely memories of when I was 20 and head over heels in love with James.

If nothing else, I got this compliment from him, “Your blog is very you in a good way.  And f anyone who doesn’t like it or can’t deal.”

True true.  Hope you all keep reading and enjoying 🙂

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