Survival

I survived 10 events in 10 days, but it wasn’t pretty.

I was so stressed out, I called my doctor and got a prescription for anxiety medication.

Yes, I’m one of those people.

The kind of person who checks and triple checks her orders before an event only to stress out because I’m sure something is going to fall through.

Like the linens.

I forgot to order linens because I thought that the tables I rented were finished.

Not so!

So the day before my event I was desperately calling party rental places trying to find 75 black linens.

Do you want to know how much it costs to rent 75 black linens for 3 days?

$1,400.

Yup.

That’s how big my event was.

We had 962 attendees.

It was IN-SANE!

Now that it’s over, my stress is slowly diminishing, although I’m certainly far from feeling normal.

I feel proud of myself for reaching out to my doctor and my family and friends when my mental health started to deteriorate.

It’s not easy to admit when you need help.

Anxiety can cripple a person, and when you’re dealing with 962 people, each of whom has a million questions and requests of you, it’s easy to get overwhelmed.

But I made it.

And this morning, I got this:

They love me.

They really love me.

 

P.S.  I was hoping they were from a man, but alas they’re just from colleagues.

Bummed out

Some sad news here.

First of all, I’ve been diagnosed as pre-diabetic.

Also, my blood pressure is intermittently high.

So there’s that.

Of course, instead of changing the medication I’m on which causes weight gain and all it’s lovely side effects, my doctors have opted to put me on a DIET.

I hate that word.

They’ve enrolled me in the most successful program they have – an 82 week MEAL REPLACEMENT plan.

Oh, don’t worry!

It’s not like I have to survive on shakes for 82 weeks.

No.

It’s only 4 FUCKING MONTHS OF MEAL REPLACEMENTS.

Then I get to start eating real food again.

Oy vey!

How am I going to do this?

Well, I’ll tell you one thing – I’m not going to try to do it over the holidays.

No.

That’s like setting myself up for failure.

I start on January 8th – the day my abstinence comes to a close.

Wouldn’t you know it?

Go off one diet, start another!

The other sad news I have is that I’ve been passed over for a promotion in my department.

I’m rather bummed because I felt that the position was PERFECT for me and would provide me with new challenges and opportunities to excel in my work.

Sadly, that is not the case.

So needless to say with all this bad news, I’m a little sad.

Bummed out, so to speak.

If you’re inclined, send a kind thought my way.

I could sure use them!

Chew something!

I am on a diet.

I need to be on a diet because I’m on medication that causes weight gain.

Frowny face.

My weight wouldn’t be a problem if only I’d exercise more.

But I’m basically a lazy woman who hates to sweat.

I also hate it when I’m out of breath.

And my heart rate soars to 180+ when I work out WHICH I CAN’T SUSTAIN.

I blame my mother for my food issues.

She told me that as an infant she had to stuff the bottle in my face right after she shoveled food in it or I’d scream.

I can totally see this behavior in me as an adult – shoveling in food followed by a big swig of booze.

Not healthy.

Not a good habit to develop.

Needless to say, I’ve given up drinking as much as I used to in the past.

And for this my liver THANKS ME!

It’s been two days and I’ve lost 4 pounds.

Which isn’t THAT big a deal because basically I can SNEEZE and lose 4 pounds.

But it’s progress in the right direction.

So wish me luck and cross your fingers hoping I’ll be successful on this liquid milkshake diet I’m on.

Lord knows how much I’m craving to CHEW SOMETHING!

 

P.S. I totally cheated last night when I licked a serving spoon full of peanut butter clean. . .

Drugs

aliceLittle known fact: I’m on Ritalin.

Not because I have ADD or ADHD but because one of the medications I’m on for a long term illness causes COGNITIVE SLOWING which makes it hard for me to think and respond in conversations.

And I’m very sensitive to it.

Once upon a time, I prided myself on always having something relevant and thoughtful to say.

Now I struggle to recall the word “dog.”

I’m not kidding.

I’ll never forget the time I was talking about raccoons but I couldn’t remember the word ‘raccoon’ so I had to describe them as “those animals that look like little bandits…”

You know, trash pandas.

Humiliation!

The problem with medication these days is that those of us on long term medication to manage a disease wind up taking medications which treat the disease but cause a whole host of side effects.

In my case, those side effects are minimal. But for others, not so much.

I’m reminded of the song lyrics from Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit: One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small…

So as I sit here, swallowing a handful of pills to manage what ails me, I think about how very lucky I am to have Ritalin to take to help me out with my COGNITIVE SLOWING.

So if you’re talking to me, and you notice that I’m a little slow to respond or I listen a whole lot more than I speak, forgive my quietness.

It’s not for lack of interest.

This is why I love my friend Dante. He is super gregarious and whenever I’m in a conversation with him, and he always carries more than his load (a habit that carries through on the playa where he does more than his fair share of the workload).

It’s also why I love being around old friends – people who know me well enough to not mistake my silence for rudeness.

And it’s why I love to blog.

Because “on paper” I can take my time and compose my words, google the words I forget, and write something hopefully witty and bright.

Hopefully….

alice

Yeast on the playa

white witchSo I’m chatting with my friend Heather about all things Burning Man. She is a working nurse at Burning Man so she’s seen it all and can advise me on what to bring and what to leave at home.

And her favorite things are:

  1. Vodka
  2. Tubs to wash my hair in (so it can be a community effort)
  3. Chapstick
  4. Cans of fruit
  5. Peanut butter
  6. Chips (salt tastes SO good there!),
  7. Books
  8. Bike fix kit (that I always get someone else to do for me)
  9. Paper to leave notes
  10. A cover sheet for my bed
  11. Lots of funky sun glasses
  12. At least one scarf for every day
  13. Full length mirror
  14. Gifts for friends new and old (usually necklaces),
  15. Baby wipes,
  16. Chairs
  17. A rug to put the chairs on
  18. Beautiful flowery hats
  19. Tons of vintage slips to wear during the day
  20. A foot bath set up with vinegar and rose water
  21. Delicious lotions
  22. Condoms
  23. Lube,
  24. Flashlights

And then she said something I wasn’t expecting:

“The playa is super alkali and we are pretty acidic, so it’s a recipe for a yeast infection. I always take a miconozole along just in case.”

What?! This is crucial information. I cannot have a pussy breakdown on the playa! This should be mandatory reading in The Guide to Surviving Burning Man.

MUST BRING YEAST INFECTION MEDICATION!

So I called up my doctor and asked for a prescription which she was only too happy to give me along with the advice, “It’s actually substandard hygiene practices that lead to a yeast infection.”

Mental note: Need to shower every other day, if possible.