Meditation: An Exercise in Futility?

michelleI’m sitting in a two day conference with about 300 engineers, so as you can imagine the population is heavily skewed toward males.

And I’m a little bored because I’m working the registration desk and since check in, there haven’t been a whole lot of questions for me to answer.

So I think about my friend Rani and how this is a perfect opportunity to practice meditation or visualization.

So I pick a guy.

6 feet tall.  Bald patch on the crown of his head.  Handsome face.  A little geeky.  Wearing jeans and a t-shirt and looking good in them.

I focus completely on him.

I imagine my heart sending out waves of vibration in his direction.

Red waves of love that say “You love me.”

I giggle a little because this is silly, but what the hay – it’s not like I have anything else to do.

So, back to the waves.

After a while, I begin to visualize scenes with him in my mind.

Making love.

Laughing on the beach.

Him twirling my hair.

I was ON A ROLL!  I mean, this poor guy was being inundated with my energy over the course of several hours.

And?

Nothing.

I swear, even when he could look at me, he looked at the empty space ABOVE me.

And then it happened.

The friend he’d been talking to all day long, the guy in the red hipster jeans walked up to me and chatted me up.

Seriously.

I could not make this up.

So it appears that my visualization skills are great but my directionality needs some work.

Sex Magic

So there’s a group called Sex Magic and I’m intrigued by them. According to their website they are about meditation, intimacy, self-exploration, sexuality, dating and relationships and ritual. That’s quite a load of topics to keep you busy.

They’ve hosted several meetings so far – including one on dating as a spiritual practice, one on conscious sensuality and a wildly popular one on female ejaculation and prostate massage.

Let me repeat that.

One on female ejaculation and prostate massage.

Now these are not two of my favorite topics, but I’m INSANELY curious about them. So curious, I would have attended the meeting, had I only known about it.

You might think this sounds a little hokey. And you may be right. But these meeting quite frequently have licensed psychotherapists and relationship coaches as part of the presentation and discussion.  The entire group is organized by a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

Their next meeting is in February.

It’s called “Sex, Magic and Erotic Influence” and I’m going. Quite honestly, they had me at “sex”.

The seminar seeks to answer the questions:

What kind of erotic presence do you hold? 
What is the range and depth of you sexual embodiment? 
What can you call forth from your lover? 
What are your edges and how do they hold you back from expressing and enjoying your full erotic potential? 

Well, the last question is the kicker for me. Because if you were to ask me if I’m enjoying my full erotic potential, the answer would be “NOT AT ALL.”

Despite all the experiments I test out. Despite the OMing. And despite the blogging.

I can’t shake the feeling like there somehow should be more.

Like say a boyfriend?

Yeah, that might do it… getting a boyfriend.

Can Sex Magic help me with that?