Over The Moon

I turned d­­­­own a date today.

Not because it didn’t sound great.

It sounded very nice.

And not because I don’t find the guy attractive.

Actually, he’s at the far end of the handsome scale.

I know!

What was I thinking?

Well, I’ll tell you.

I was thinking of The Swede.

I was thinking how much I want to make him coffee in the morning.

And roll over in bed to see his face.

And I was thinking about how much I miss hugging him.

And kissing him.

There’s a whole lot of things I miss about The Swede.

How quiet he is until you get to know him.

How dedicated he is to his children.

How much of a prankster he is.

And so, for the first time EVER, I’m finally admitting I am OVER THE MOON for The Swede.

 

Chaos

The Bay Area is filled with engineers, on account of all the tech companies that set up shop in Silicon Valley.

When I was online dating, my bread and butter dates were usually engineers.

Indeed, my best friend is an engineer himself.

I greatly admire engineers, although I usually can’t even begin to grasp what they do for a living.

Tejas?

Something to do with customer technical account management.

The Swede?

Cloud computing.

My brother?

Augmented reality.

For someone who is decidedly right-brained, I’m impressed that I can even tell you that much.

Personally, I want to wind up with a left-brained person, to balance me out.

Someone grounded and logical.

Good at math and finances.

However, he also needs to be open to other-worldly experiences like Burning Man and regional burns.

I’m quite certain there are men who exist who match this criteria.

I meet TONS of men at Burning Man who have left-brained jobs in the Default World but who are also creative and open-minded.

Does The Swede fit my idea of an ideal man?

Well, I’ve never seen him balance his checkbook, but I did see him get dressed up at unSCruz.

And I’m pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

So I’d say he’s an excellent candidate.

Plus, I like him.

I may not understand what he does for a living, but I certainly like the stabilizing force he brings to my life.

Hopefully, he appreciates the little bit of chaos I introduce into his life. . .

 

 

 

In praise of men with daughters

I have a couple unprofessional observations I’ve made while dating.

Do not date men who are 45+ who have never been married or had kids.  They tend to be hard to please and uncompromising.

Do not date men who haven’t been divorced longer than 2 years.  They tend to avoid commitment.

Do not date men with a full online dating portfolio of pictures of themselves.  They tend to be self absorbed and vain.

On the flip side, I noticed something that I do appreciate in the men I date.

Daughters.

Yes, men with daughters I have noticed are more compassionate and more patient than men without daughters.

I’ll give you an example:

I was so excited about my upcoming trip to Sweden that I got a Swedish manicure – completed with yellow and blue nail polish and the Swedish flag.

As a woman, I was totally jazzed about my manicure.

So jazzed that I texted The Swede.

Instead of just blowing me off or laughing at my girlishness, he was kind and let me prattle on about my nails.

He even told me they were cool!

I attribute his sensitivity to the fact that he has two daughters and knows how to accommodate the female into his life.

Some men don’t know what to do with it.

And though it’s going to sound awkward coming at the end of a post where I talk about The Swede, without actually admitting anything, I just want to say that I sincerely hope that I wind up marrying a man with daughters.

If for no reason than I find that kind of sensitivity VERY APPEALING.

‘Nuf said.

What I find sexy in a man

image
Its not what you think – washboard abs and a fat bank account. No, my tastes run more complex than that…

Big hands
A chiseled jawline
A sense of humor. Monty Python re enactments a plus.
A great father
Musicianship
Talent, in any area
A good listener
Intelligence
An authentic smile
Kindness
Confidence
Eye contact
Low, sexy voice
Chivalrous
Initiates middle-of-the-night sex
Stays calm when I’m freaking out
Has a backbone
Smells good
Good manners
Has great rhythm 😉

Foot in Mouth

So there I am, sipping a beer with a nice gentleman, chatting casually about Burning Man when he asked me a question.

I HEARD him ask, “So what’s was your favorite part of Burning Man?

My response?

The sex.

You just can’t save me from myself, can you?

He leaned in closer to me and asked, “Like sex on the beach?”

Wait!

What did you just ask me?

APPARENTLY, he asked me what was my favorite DRINK at Burning Man.

Oops!

So.

Now he knows that I’m a horn dog.

Also?

He knows I’m honest to a fault.

That must count for something!

Halfway Mark

Just so you know, declaring a hiatus from sexual activity on your blog suddenly opens yourself up to all sorts of feedback on the subject.

A bunch of people laughed at the idea.

Until I told them I’d done it before. . .and succeeded.

Others jumped to my defense and claimed that there was nothing wrong with my level of sexual interest.

Others knew better and came out in support of a healthier lifestyle.

Regardless, it’s now become a topic of conversation between me, my friends, and my blog readers.

Can she do it?

Is someone going to come along to inspire her to break her vow?

What about The Swede?

What I have noticed is that there is a pool of males, mostly single, for whom I seem to exist solely to stroke their egos by sexting with them.

They are the ones who seem to be the most interested in seeing me break my vow.

They keep pulling me back into conversations I’m trying to resist having.

When you’re trying to walk the straight and narrow, it is counter productive to enter into a conversation about masturbation.

Or pornography.

But try as I might, sometimes I slip and carry on a full on conversation about topics I have no business talking about.

Then I suffer.

So yeah, it’s been 6 weeks. I’m halfway there.

And no, it’s not easy but I’m making it.

Hairpulling

There I am hanging with a pal when the subject of snuggling comes up.

Do I want to snuggle?

Hells yes!

Of course, I’m trying to behave myself so I grab a suitably large pillow, plunk it down in his lap, and start snuggling on the couch.

Ah!

This is nice.

My friend starts to randomly touch me and it’s kinda nice.

I giggle when he touches my lower back.

It tickles!

It then becomes apparent that he’s trying to help with my problem by providing me with a PG level snuggle.

I instantly escalated it to PG-13.

I say to him, “If you really want to do me a favor, pull my hair.”

He grabs fistfuls and pulls.

Ah!

I can’t tell you how much I LOVE to have my hairpulled.

It’s definitely a THING for me.

My favorite hairpulling memory involved me, a Swede, and some concurrent deep kissing.

This rivaled it not because there was kissing but because there was SO MUCH HAIRPULLING I thought I’d lost my mind.

Imagine 15 minutes of hairpulling.

It was AWESOME!

I gotta say, I sure love it when a friend comes through for me.

Dateable

It’s been a rough week.

Between realizing that I’m my own problem and taking a 90 day vow of celibacy, I’ve been pretty swamped with all sorts of feelings.

Remarkably, my friends have really come through for me.

Whether it’s Tejas getting the ingredients for my favorite cocktail (the Sazerac), Michelle writing the SWEETEST supportive note to me on Facebook, or Barbara actually calling me to make sure I’m okay, I’ve been blanketed in love from every direction.

Which has helped greatly as I try to wean myself off of casual sexual relationships.

The Photographer has come out in force to support my decision to be temporarily celibate.

He’s peppered me in Messenger with sweet comments about how to transition from someone no one wants to date but everyone wants to fuck into someone actually dateable (and still fuckable, natch).

I took the opportunity to tell The Swede that I liked him:

fullsizerender11.jpgYou may laugh, but it was a HUGE stretch for me.

And I think I pulled it off nicely, if I do say so myself.

Gentle flirting – 1, Michelle’s sex monster – 0.

I’m my own f*cking problem

All this time I’ve been thinking that I can’t find a good man because a good man hasn’t crossed my path yet.

But that’s a lie.

I think I’ve come across a few.

You see, I take an odd approach to meeting men.

I bombard them with my sexuality and dare them to see ANYTHING AT ALL beyond it.

Of course, the good ones run away, and the bad boys stay.

So I have a bouquet of rebels and dirty boys to choose from.

They’re the ones who value sex as much as I do.

And I’m not in love with a single one of them.

And none of them are in love with me.

Maybe, and this is a BIG MAYBE, I need to relinquish my vice grip on sex being the most valuable part of a relationship and consider that there are other things infinitely more valuable.

Conversation, for one.

Thoughtfulness, for another.

A great sense of humor.

God, I can’t believe I’m going to say this but maybe I’ve been valuing the wrong things all along.

Maybe, if I want to find someone, I need to just stop with the sexting, and the nude pics, and the dinner dates at his place and just SLOW THE FUCK DOWN!

I think I’ve forgotten that I’m a woman, not just a vagina begging for earth-shattering orgasms.

Is this what my friends* have been trying to tell me all along?

If I really want to wind up with a decent man, then I need to embrace the woman I am, not the sex that I want.

Am I my own fucking problem?

 

*Barbara, Lisa, Rob, Michelle. . .

Red Flags

I ignore red flags MOST of the time.

Some guy calls his ex-wife a narcissist and I look the other way.

Another guy tells me I have a lazy eye over drinks and I laugh and make excuses.

So when the newest guy made a joke about my sister and I in a porno together, I ALMOST let it slide.

ALMOST.

But I didn’t.

I called him out on it.

I’m not sure why I didn’t let it slide.

Actually I do.

I made excuses for one guy’s behavior not too long ago and he lived up to my (ignored) first impression of him.

So this time I didn’t want to ignore it.

Yeah, I GET THAT IT’S A FUCKING JOKE.

BUT IT’S A DISGUSTING ONE!

Who, when trying to put their best foot forward upon meeting a new woman, makes a porn joke about her and her sister?

Who makes porn jokes BEFORE the first date?

A man with his mind in the gutter?

A man with no manners?

A man who clearly is suffering from a lack of social skills?

Regardless of WHY he did it, the end result is the same.

The fucking hammer has fallen and YOU HAVE BEEN VOTED OFF THE ISLAND!

Barbara would be so proud. . .