No means no

Sometimes when you’re online dating you come across someone who looks really good but turns out to be a complete and total disaster.

My first clue that there would be a problem should have been when I noticed he was named after a serial killer.

Why would parents deliberately saddle their child with an infamous name?

In any case, when asked what I was looking for I replied, “An animal lover.  You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat animals. What are you looking for?”

A God fearing woman.

I’ll just pause and let that sink in.

A God fearing woman.

Not someone who loves God, not someone who lives a God-centered life but a “GOD FEARING WOMAN.”

This is something I am not.

If I believed in God, and I’m not saying that I don’t, then my God would be a loving, compassionate, caring entity.

A God to be loved, not feared.

So I politely pointed this out to him and suggested that we part ways.

But he would have none of it.

He reminded me I have a good heart.

Yes, but I still am not looking for a man who wants a woman who fears God.

Things can still work out for us, he replied.

At this point, my objection to him stopped being his interest in God fearing women and became his inability to take no for an answer.

This is never a good sign.

Two people were never less clearly meant for each other than us two.

I suggested that we’d be wasting each other’s time.

I made it clear that I was definitely not what he was looking for.

I’m not sure how many times a woman needs to tell a man no thank you, but based on this interaction it’s more than four times.

No means no.

Magic is what you make of it

Disney loveMagic always comes with a prince

At least that’s what Disney and Hollywood lead you to believe.

Of course lately, there’s been less focus on the prince and more focus on the heroine, but you get the picture – love, above all, makes the story.

And how are we single ladies supposed to feel about this in real life?

Well, I’ll tell you, being single has never hurt my social life. In fact, I think I get out more and do more things simply because I don’t have a partner to hang out at home with eating pizza and drinking beer with on a Saturday night.

Being single didn’t hurt me when I was racing cars at the Stockton 99.

image

Being single especially didn’t hurt me when I was leaping from an airplane with a hot man and a parachute strapped to my back.

And it certainly didn’t hurt me when I went to the Alameda County Fairgrounds and ran with the bulls.

photo 4No, being single hasn’t hurt one bit.

Even my more carnal urges somehow manage to get taken care of.

So what then is my life missing without a man to “complete” me?

The answer is nothing.

I have friends and family who give me love and camaraderie and lovers who give me intimacy.

Everything else is icing on the cake.

Sure, it’s magical when life and love come with a prince.

But it sure as hell isn’t required.

Magic, is what you make of it.

Make an offer

A real conversation I had:

Him:  Hey are you still interested in meeting up or should I delete your contact?  LOL

Me:  Depends.

Him:  On what?

Me:  You still married?

Him:  Yeah but it’s open like I said she is bi if that interests you.  I can provide a permission slip.  LMAO

Me:  I suppose you can delete me then.  Best wishes to you.

Him:  Oh man I’m kinda bummed to hear that.

Seriously.

When are men going to get a clue?

A dead end is a dead end and I’m not about to waste my precious time on this earth playing second, third, or maybe even fourth fiddle to someone else.

Like most women, I learned the hard way that most married-but-open men aren’t really open.

Covid has taken away my patience for their bullshit.

No matter how sexy a wife they come with.

The truth is I have more than enough friends with benefits to keep me happy.

That’s not what I’m looking for.

Offer me something I don’t already have.

That’s what I’m looking for.

And until I find it, it’s hard to settle.

New Year’s Resolutions

I’ve had it with 2020!

What a year!

I’m so glad it’s behind us.

I’ve been giving some serious thought to life improvements that I want to see in 2021.

To begin with, I downloaded Acorn, a spare change savings tool to help me spend less money and invest more.

AND TO THAT END, I also downloaded Robinhood, so I can invest in stocks.

It’s funny how something as simple as improving one’s finances can seem like such a steep hill to climb when you don’t have the resources.

Well, my friend Nadine was the one who started me on it.

Nadine is a tax accountant and she convinced me that it’s time to start investing.

Not just in my retirement account – which is on track – but also to make extra money.

Seriously, I LOVE my Strawberry Dress but I could’ve spent the money in a better way by investing in Tesla, or Apple.

Anything, really.

The other New Year’s resolution I have is to stop aging.

That’s right, I’m sick and tired of the wrinkles developing on my face.

I’ve been following some TikTok dermatologists and I’ve picked up a few tips from them:  including a regimen to lighten dark spots, even out skin tone, and diminish fine lines and wrinkles: Differin Gel for deep pore cleansing, 10% kojic acid for improving sun spots, 10% azelaic acid for improving and evening out skin tone, hyaluronic acid for hydration, and retinol for all the little wrinkles showing up on my face.

My final resolution is to spend half the time I spent looking for a mate on getting in shape.

I plan to totally ignore my Tinder and Bumble accounts and instead focus on healthy eating habits with my sister on our mutual Optavia diet.

Every time I get the urge to reach out and text a strange man I met online, I’m going to INSTEAD spend some time checking out my investments, researching new opportunities, or going for a walk.

I also made a resolution to improve my friendships by focusing on being supportive, caring, and available.

Seeing as how I won’t be online using Bumble or Tinder, that should provide me with plenty of time to focus on the people I love who mean everything to me.

And that’s the end of my New Year’s resolutions for 2021.

Wish me luck!

Done with that

I need to rethink my approach to meeting men.

I’ve been relying HEAVILY on online dating applications to introduce me to people, yet so very few of the men I meet become friends.

My success rate is seriously DOWN IN THE DUMPS right now.

Obviously, with my track record of online dating being so poor, it’s hard to understand why I continue to try my hand at it.

The answer is simple:  It makes me FEEL like I’m accomplishing something.

I’m meeting men, though they’re not right for me, and what more can I do besides make an effort to get to know single available men.

The problem is that men are easy to come by and the slightest red flag sends me running.

I know I’m guilty of not investing as much as I should on a first date because it’s real easy to arrange another first date with another acceptable man.

But if you stand at the end of that long road, and look back – it’s a rather uninteresting and somewhat painful journey.

Particularly when you had no idea you’d be living so much of your adult life in an uncoupled up state.

I like being single when the alternative is being with someone who doesn’t make me happy.

But when the alternative is love, I’m 100% for leaving singlehood behind.

I’m not sure why finding someone who makes me happy is taking so long.

Going forward into 2021, I’ve decided to lay off the online dating websites for a while.

Not because I’m giving up, but because I recognize a stagnant pattern when I see one.

Now, in order for me to meet a man, he’s going to have to be the one who is looking.

Because I’m done with that.

One is the new two

Haven’t you heard, being single is the new happy.

I have a friend who dates several men but she considers herself single.

No one to slip their laundry into your wash load.

No one’s dysfunctional family to deal with during the holidays.

No one to fight with over how to spend your Friday nights.

Life is simple when you’re single.

You want to go to a party?

You go.

You don’t tentatively accept pending a collaboration with your partner.

I’m happy being single.

It’s easy for me.

As easy as breathing out and breathing in.

Yes, there are things I miss.

Snuggling for one.

And someone to watch movies with on a Saturday night at home without feeling like a loser, for another.

But I’m making my peace with being perpetually single.

Haven’t you heard?

One is the new two.

The world is FILLED with endless possibilities.

Tall, dark and random

I’m in Reno, where every other man is in jeans and flannels, and facial hair comes standard on all the men.

I’m literally FLOATING in a sea of lumberjacks.

Well, color me happy!

But seriously, here every guy is an outdoorsman, drives a truck, and can operate heavy machinery.

I’ve been swiping on Tinder, just to get an idea of what’s out there in Reno.

Visually, I’m in my dating Mecca.

Substance-wise I’m in Death Valley.

Because there’s a whole lot of red hats here in Washoe County.

In fact, a Oldsmobile decked out in TRUMP swag was spotted in Virginia City today compete with blaring “Proud to be an American. . .” blaring over a loud speaker.

I’ve got to find me a LIBERAL lumberjack.

One who rescues homeless puppies and finds them homes.

The kind of man who works all day only to come home and braid his daughter’s hair for bed time.

I want a man who can shoe horn a 30 foot Winnebago into a 28 foot parking spot.

A man who has as many friends from his childhood as he does from his adult life because he makes friends every where he goes.

I want a man who can make other people laugh and who possesses a passionate soul.

I’m just looking for someone tall, dark and random.

Online dating in a shelter-at-home state

My experiment with profile photos taught me some valuable lessons.

Do you remember when I put THIS as my profile pic?

Well, needless to say I have learned not to expect to sip safely from the firehose when it’s turned on full force.

It was a deluge.

Here are my new profile photos:

I must admit, there may be fewer matches, but my matches have been better suited to me than when I posted my boudoir photo.

But the nature of online dating is changing.

Everyone seems more willing to text first for a while – even the men who COMPLAIN about having to text are getting into the swing of things.

I’ve hosted a few FaceTime dates myself.

It’s only slightly more awkward than meeting in person.

As a writer, this thrills me.

I express myself with words and I respond to text better than most.

I’m intrigued to see how the age of corona virus will affect online dating.

I for one have slowed down my swiping, but find myself texting longer with men than I have in the past.

It’s not like we can just meet up for a drink anymore.

Instantly Amazing, just add alcohol

Yesterday I wrote a blog post and I titled it “Not Instantly Amazing.”

It was a knee jerk reaction to having yet another first date with a man who I’m sure went right back on Tinder and started swiping left and right as soon as he got home.

I should clarify:

I am an AMAZING person.

I am EXTRAORDINARY, just like everyone else on the planet.

A real one-of-a-kind treasure.

I wish I had the bandwidth to maintain relationships with more people because (as I’m fond of saying about my birthfamily) more people to love and to love you is NEVER a bad thing.

The trick of course, is to manage to put yourself out there.

And in my humble opinion, people are now unwilling to take more time to get to know you because it’s so easy to just get back online and start swiping.

A friend made a comment on my blog post “Not Instantly Amazing”:

You have such presence.  I find this hard to believe.

And it’s true.

I do have presence.

But it’s much easier to be myself in a Burning Man crowd than on a first date when I go into information gathering mode:  what do you do, how many kids do you have, what are your hobbies, etc.?

First dates are hard.

I should know, I go on SO MANY.

So perhaps I should revise my post title from “Not Instantly Amazing” to “Instantly Amazing, just add alcohol.”

Because a little liquid libation goes a long way to socially lube up a conversation.

Is Meetup the new Tinder?

Sorry for the missing and recycled posts.

I’ve been sick and haven’t been blogging as much.

No worries.

It’s not Coronavirus.

It’s a gastrointestinal bug that’s been keeping me under the weather.

I was so sick, I medicated then slept for 12 hours straight.

While I was sick, I got a message from Adam through MeetUp.

MeetUp is a kind of social outing platform for those wanting to adventure out and meet new people while trying their hand at new activities.

It’s not a dating site per se, but it certainly is a good way to meet single men and women.

Looking back through my MeetUp inbox, I discovered over 20 messages, all from single men, seeking an introduction.

How do I feel about MeetUp introductions?

I like them.

Of course most of them didn’t sound like a Knight from the Round Table speaking so formally as Adam.

Most we’re like “Hey there!  We have an interest in common.  Wanna see if we get along?”

It’s touching really that they reached out to connect.

But I prefer to leave MeetUp as an activity platform and Tinder for online dating.

It’s not that Tinder is any better, I just feel like if I want to meet someone organically, I try MeetUp.

If I want to meet someone virtually, I try Tinder.

And right now I have WAY MORE TIME for Tinder than MeetUp.