I have a friend.
We’ll call him ‘Sam.’
Sam wants me to set him up with all the single women I know.
The thing is, Sam is poly.
At least Sam claims he’s poly.
[I personally think he’s flexible, for the right woman.]
All the women I know are monogamous.
Definitely NOT poly.
Anyway, Sam is upset that I offered to set up my friend Rob with two of my single girlfriends.
Beyond the fact that Sam is 10+ years older than Rob and simply less appropriate for the 30 – 40 year old women I know, Sam is POLY.
He likes to point out that I don’t believe he’s poly.
I like to point out that it doesn’t matter what I BELIEVE, it matters what HE BELIEVES.
So no, I’m not going to set up a monogamous woman with a poly man.
And, just so you know, I think it’s a wee bit deceptive that Sam’s online dating profiles don’t specify that he’s poly.
I COULD BE COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT THIS, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that his lack of success in the dating pool could have something to do with the fact that he’s fishing in the wrong fucking pool with the wrong fucking bait.
As part of growing up and maturing, I’ve learned more about relationships than I used to know in the past.
For instance, I now know that not every relationship is monogamous.
Some are polyamorous.
And that’s okay.
Relationships aren’t a “one-size-fits-all” scenario.
I have several friends who are poly and it really works for them.
On account of the fact that I’m a jealous little possessive thing, I am not poly, nor am I looking for a poly relationship.
But that doesn’t mean that I haven’t been involved as a secondary with several poly men.
One relationship is working fine. We see each other from time to time and always enjoy each others company.
I like him a great deal and am comfortable with his other relationships.
The other relationship crashed and burned for many reasons not the least of which being that I was a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” hidden girlfriend who was treated more like a booty call than a real girlfriend.
Now, having observed poly relationships for a certain amount of time, I have to say this:
The only way poly works is when EVERYBODY is on the same page. When there are no hidden details and everyone knows what’s going on.
If you’re poly and your partner is not, then you’ve got things to discuss BEFORE YOU CAN SAY YOU’RE IN AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP.
Otherwise people get hurt.